Sudden death from cancer

I don't understand how my mum died so suddenly. She had a bad back for several months. Xrays showed all clear.  Then she got a cough and was given antibiotics. On the 16th August we were chatting on text. She felt poorly. But just fluey and the coughing was making her back worse. On the 19th August she collapsed with fluid on her lungs. They drained it and confirmed that in the fluid there were terminal malignant cells. They tested the cells but it didn't tell them where the primary cancer was but it had metastasised.  She died on the 26th August. I don't understand how she deteriorated so quickly. From a chest infection to cancer then dead. In the space of a week.  Evdn three days before she died she was sitting up in bed alert and eating. Very poorly. But she did not look like someone who was dying. When they told her she had cancer she died two days later. I feel telling her she had terminal cancer pushed her over the edge 

Parents
  • I understand how distressed you must be feeling but I am old, I've experienced quite a few deaths and this is how I woul like my death to be - relatively quick and without much suffering, No-one can say how quickly someone will die but your mother had a short time in which to say anything she needed to you. That is actually a great gift. 

    When someone dies like this we are upset for ourselves, Everyone experiences grief differently but anger is a common stage in the grieving process as is displacing that anger onto those who were trying hard to make your mother as comfortable as she could be. Accept that you are angry with your mother for leaving you and that is normal.

  • It was very quick so a blessing for her. We are all just in shock still I think.  I wish we didn't tell her about the cancer. But we were thinking if she had a few weeks left she would go home and need care and would obviously have to know what was going on.  As it turns out she died two days later I think she chose that. She didn't want to linger on with cancer.  Apart from the bad back she really had no other pain. A blessing.  I need to try and move forward now.  I'm angry with cancer not her.  But she is at peace now.  Thank you for your messages 

Reply
  • It was very quick so a blessing for her. We are all just in shock still I think.  I wish we didn't tell her about the cancer. But we were thinking if she had a few weeks left she would go home and need care and would obviously have to know what was going on.  As it turns out she died two days later I think she chose that. She didn't want to linger on with cancer.  Apart from the bad back she really had no other pain. A blessing.  I need to try and move forward now.  I'm angry with cancer not her.  But she is at peace now.  Thank you for your messages 

Children
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