Oh hunny ...

This is when you need your mum so very much ... 19 is no age to loose mum's we love ... have you got any siblings or friends ... you need lots of support right now ... give McMillan a ring an ask about councilling in your area .. I'm think Marie Currie may help too ..

This is a lonely, journey, without support .. you've reached out on here, we can't take it away, but we can listen ... as we know how crule cancer is, wer all touched by it ... you know I was once very lost, and alone and all I could see was a big black hole in front of me, and l wanted to just jump in ... I'm so glad I held on ... if I'd not, I'd never have seen my amazing granddaughter smile and laugh and tell me she loves me ... it's not easy holding on .. and my heart goes out to you ...one day you may look back, when you have your child laying in your arms and looking up at you ... then you will know it was worth holding on ..

If you want to private message me, let me know and ill send you a friend request.. or I'm sure others will pop on to give you support here too ... our lovely @moderators  and @askthenurses have advice they can share .. sending 

My nana died as well 4 years ago 

Hi. My mum died in August 2019. I'm 30. It's been just over 8 weeks for me and, like you, I have felt the world to be a dark and hopeless place. My mum died a long, drawn out and painful death too - the jaundice and mental deterioration was difficult to watch. She had a tracheostomy fitted due to being on life support too ... so she didn't get to speak to me before she passed. Much of the time since has been spent struggling to get out of bed/ eat/ take care of myself etc. I still feel low, but I also feel the intensity changing to become a little lighter at times. Take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. One day you will wake up and just be sick of feeling the way you are feeling - that's what is happening to me. You will get through it- we have no other choice xxx

Hi Beccabear

I was so sad to read your post. It's natural to feel lost & vulnerable when you've lost a parent. It sounds like your mum was a single parent. You're so young to have gone through such an emotional tragedy. I was 17 when i lost my dad. (Heart attack. He was 52). My mum was widowed at 52. She was strong. Just carried on. Now i'm in my 40's & my lovely mum died 2 yrs ago. Her anniversary's coming up next Monday & i'm dreading it. I'm having some friends round & we're going to eat loads of cream cakes. (She had a very sweet tooth!!) & drink wine. 
I was totally devastated when she died. I have arthritis & she was always there for me. I was virtually bedridden for a while & she was great. She was a retired nurse. So i was extra lucky having her as a mother. She died on a Saturday morning of cancer. She died 2 months after finding out she had the big c. I have a boyfriend. But we don't live together. My brother's been great. But he lives in the States. So the next day (Sunday). I felt so lost & lonely. My boyfriend's no good with emotions. I felt so desperate. I'm not a religious person. But i needed comfort & kindness. I felt so fragile. I looked up the prayer times of my local church & went. I went up some steep stairs. Some people greeted me at the top with a Bible. I literally fell into a woman's arms. I was overcome with grief. They were so kind. I told them my mother had just died. I cried through the whole service. I had masscara down to my knees!! But i knew these lovely people would understand. I went the next week too. But haven't been since. Although knowing the church is always there if you need it, helped me.

I aldo joined a bereavement group. Knowing other people know what you're going through & that you're not alone can help. Grief is a journey. I wish you well on yours. Being able to come on here day or night might help you. Don't leave your lovely mother behind. Bring her with you, next to you in your life. Good luck x

Hello Beccabear,

Hello how are you. I know you have so much on your plate at the moment plus trying to handle your poor mums passing. Is there anyone you can get some help from like relatives or friends? I wouldn't be afraid to ask. 

I don't know of any associations that can help. Have you tried Macmillan Support which might be able to assist you.

I can appreciate what a dreadful time you are going through but please stay strong. 

Chris

Dearest Beccabear,

I am so sorry to read about your mum and wish I could come over and give you a hug and help you. My husband died of brain cancer last year and I have 2 daughters, one slightly older and one younger than you and have done my very best to hold things together for them. I know how this has affected them and can only imagine how hard it is for you on your own to cope with your mums' death; you are still so very young and none of your friends are likely to have had an experience like this, which makes it difficult to talk about when your closest friends can't really imagine what you're going through.  I too have had financial worries and it does make the loss even harder when you have that on top of everything. You need to give yourself space and time to grieve and to be very, very kind to yourself - treat yourself as you would a very close friend who was going through this and show the same loving kindness. Do you have anyone that you feel comfortable enough talking to about what is going on? Sometimes going back to work can be helpful as it gives people something else to focus on but if it all feels too much perhaps you could talk to your employer about compassionate leave. I would also recommend talking to your GP and telling them how you are feeling, they may be able to suggest support in your area. Please try and remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and there will be good times again for you even if it is unimaginable at the moment - at the moment you are doing wonderfully well just getting through the day. I send you much love and strength

hi i no how your feeling i lost my mum 18 months ago to lung cancer then spread to brain and liver.it was very fast from diagnoses to death which in a way im grateful for people say it gets easier i personally think it doesnt you might live to live with it but the pain is always there i wish you and your family all the best at this sad time.

My wife lost her mum when she was 18, and now my wife has stage 4 cancer and our 15 yearold is watching the effects unfold, life is so cruel. God bless you and keep you strong.

I am so so sorry for your loss. I noticed you hadnt posted for several days and wondered how you were doing?  You are far too young to be dealing with this by yourself. Do you have any family living nearby who can help you?  let us know you are ok...... 

Hi Beccabear,

I am very sorry about your mum. I am 33 years old and I lost my mum to Metastatic Breast Cancer who was 69 years old back in April 2019.

My mum was on the weekly Paclitaxel Chemotherapy but unfortunately got hospitalised due to high calcium levels but the treatment was not working. She was quite delirious at times and in the end was given palliative care until her death. The worse part was that she passed 4 days after my birthday.

I do have the support from my family, relatives and the people I work with.

Anyway, please stay strong always and take care by