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My mum died of cancer

Beccabear
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Hi I'm 19 and my mum recently passed away at the age of 41. We found out in January that she had bowel cancer. After treatments of radiation therapy and chemotherapy we thought things were looking good , she had an operation to have a stoma bag put onto her and they removed the majority of the cancer. They hoped it would go dormant but it didn't. It came back so much worse and aggressive and spread to her liver. She lost so much weight and had jaundice in her eyes. The medication they were giving her made her so dopey and she didn't feel like my mum anymore. The week before she passed she seemed like she was doing better but then I got the call to come right away and I watched her pass away. I feel kind of traumatized. Going back to work is so hard and I'm left with so much responsibility as she was both my parents. I feel like a zombie. I feel depressed and I'm a dark place. All I want is for her to come back and give me a hug and tell me it's all going to be okay. I don't know how to get help with how I'm feeling. I'm usually such a strong person defeating any obstacle but I feel lost. I feel hopeless. I'm left with funeral costs with my dog with a house to take care of. I miss her so much it actually hurts my chest sometimes. 
 

how do I get help? I didn't think I'd lose my Mum so young. Everything's spiraling around me and I don't know what to do :(

 

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    Dearest Beccabear,

    I am so sorry to read about your mum and wish I could come over and give you a hug and help you. My husband died of brain cancer last year and I have 2 daughters, one slightly older and one younger than you and have done my very best to hold things together for them. I know how this has affected them and can only imagine how hard it is for you on your own to cope with your mums' death; you are still so very young and none of your friends are likely to have had an experience like this, which makes it difficult to talk about when your closest friends can't really imagine what you're going through.  I too have had financial worries and it does make the loss even harder when you have that on top of everything. You need to give yourself space and time to grieve and to be very, very kind to yourself - treat yourself as you would a very close friend who was going through this and show the same loving kindness. Do you have anyone that you feel comfortable enough talking to about what is going on? Sometimes going back to work can be helpful as it gives people something else to focus on but if it all feels too much perhaps you could talk to your employer about compassionate leave. I would also recommend talking to your GP and telling them how you are feeling, they may be able to suggest support in your area. Please try and remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and there will be good times again for you even if it is unimaginable at the moment - at the moment you are doing wonderfully well just getting through the day. I send you much love and strength

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    Dearest Beccabear,

    I am so sorry to read about your mum and wish I could come over and give you a hug and help you. My husband died of brain cancer last year and I have 2 daughters, one slightly older and one younger than you and have done my very best to hold things together for them. I know how this has affected them and can only imagine how hard it is for you on your own to cope with your mums' death; you are still so very young and none of your friends are likely to have had an experience like this, which makes it difficult to talk about when your closest friends can't really imagine what you're going through.  I too have had financial worries and it does make the loss even harder when you have that on top of everything. You need to give yourself space and time to grieve and to be very, very kind to yourself - treat yourself as you would a very close friend who was going through this and show the same loving kindness. Do you have anyone that you feel comfortable enough talking to about what is going on? Sometimes going back to work can be helpful as it gives people something else to focus on but if it all feels too much perhaps you could talk to your employer about compassionate leave. I would also recommend talking to your GP and telling them how you are feeling, they may be able to suggest support in your area. Please try and remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and there will be good times again for you even if it is unimaginable at the moment - at the moment you are doing wonderfully well just getting through the day. I send you much love and strength

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