My mum died of cancer

Hi I'm 19 and my mum recently passed away at the age of 41. We found out in January that she had bowel cancer. After treatments of radiation therapy and chemotherapy we thought things were looking good , she had an operation to have a stoma bag put onto her and they removed the majority of the cancer. They hoped it would go dormant but it didn't. It came back so much worse and aggressive and spread to her liver. She lost so much weight and had jaundice in her eyes. The medication they were giving her made her so dopey and she didn't feel like my mum anymore. The week before she passed she seemed like she was doing better but then I got the call to come right away and I watched her pass away. I feel kind of traumatized. Going back to work is so hard and I'm left with so much responsibility as she was both my parents. I feel like a zombie. I feel depressed and I'm a dark place. All I want is for her to come back and give me a hug and tell me it's all going to be okay. I don't know how to get help with how I'm feeling. I'm usually such a strong person defeating any obstacle but I feel lost. I feel hopeless. I'm left with funeral costs with my dog with a house to take care of. I miss her so much it actually hurts my chest sometimes. 
 

how do I get help? I didn't think I'd lose my Mum so young. Everything's spiraling around me and I don't know what to do :(

 

Parents
  • Hi. My mum died in August 2019. I'm 30. It's been just over 8 weeks for me and, like you, I have felt the world to be a dark and hopeless place. My mum died a long, drawn out and painful death too - the jaundice and mental deterioration was difficult to watch. She had a tracheostomy fitted due to being on life support too ... so she didn't get to speak to me before she passed. Much of the time since has been spent struggling to get out of bed/ eat/ take care of myself etc. I still feel low, but I also feel the intensity changing to become a little lighter at times. Take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. One day you will wake up and just be sick of feeling the way you are feeling - that's what is happening to me. You will get through it- we have no other choice xxx

Reply
  • Hi. My mum died in August 2019. I'm 30. It's been just over 8 weeks for me and, like you, I have felt the world to be a dark and hopeless place. My mum died a long, drawn out and painful death too - the jaundice and mental deterioration was difficult to watch. She had a tracheostomy fitted due to being on life support too ... so she didn't get to speak to me before she passed. Much of the time since has been spent struggling to get out of bed/ eat/ take care of myself etc. I still feel low, but I also feel the intensity changing to become a little lighter at times. Take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. One day you will wake up and just be sick of feeling the way you are feeling - that's what is happening to me. You will get through it- we have no other choice xxx

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