Hi Gabrielle,

your not alone! My dad passed two days ago and I was with him until his last breath. He had the "death rattle" as they call it but I was lucky enough to have a Marie curie nurse in who told me he wouldn't see the next day but was not in pain. This allowed us to be by his side and expect the death however, when he eventually passed away the horrible noise and last breaths he had are haunting my every memory. I can't sleep, if I stop and think it relax I think of this. I know it's early but I worry this won't go away. I am lucky I have a lovely family and an amazing wife  to speak to but I personally will be seeking some counselling tomorrow to help me through. I am not scared to ask for help we all need it. I wish, and hope you can feel comfort going forward and I hope you can get the haunted images out of your head. If you can't please seek help. Take care x

Hi Gabrielle,

your not alone! My dad passed two days ago and I was with him until his last breath. He had the "death rattle" as they call it but I was lucky enough to have a Marie curie nurse in who told me he wouldn't see the next day but was not in pain. This allowed us to be by his side and expect the death however, when he eventually passed away the horrible noise and last breaths he had are haunting my every memory. I can't sleep, if I stop and think it relax I think of this. I know it's early but I worry this won't go away. I am lucky I have a lovely family and an amazing wife  to speak to but I personally will be seeking some counselling tomorrow to help me through. I am not scared to ask for help we all need it. I wish, and hope you can feel comfort going forward and I hope you can get the haunted images out of your head. If you can't please seek help. Take care x

Hi everyone,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your loved ones. My beautiful mummy passed away on the 21st of June 21 lung cancer. I am so glad to hear that others are finding it hard to talk about the end. My mummy passed at the hospice. She was a fighter always was, when she was brought to the hospice we were told my mummy wouldn't last the week, but 29 day she fought, she kept her humour and worried constantly about having to leave my 2 sisters, brother, my dad and me. We have always been an incredibly close family and we were all together with my mummy when she did pass. We celebrated her her 68th birthday on the 17th of June just 4 days before her death. I can't thank the hospice staff enough for the care my mummy received during her time there we all made fantastic memories and got to spend quality time with her while her pain was controlled, the doctors, nurses and carers at the hospice truly are earth's Angles.

But my mummy didn't pass peacefully. A day after her birthday she went into a deep sleep after her pain medication was increased. We stayed by her side night and day at the hospice as staff told us the end was near and that she would probably pass peacefully in her sleep but this wasn't the case. After 48 hours of sleep my mummy woke crying out in pain, her breathing was extremely stained and then the rattle and gurgling began. She was given more injections which they said would calm her and help her breathing, but it didn't. I can't get the nose out of my mind. For the next 12 hours my mummy continued to suffer and struggle for breath. More injections but no relief. We pleaded with her to give up her fight, pleaded with her to let go. The fear in her eyes and her pleading for help will stay with me for ever.  She finally took her last breath after a horrific struggle. The feeling of relief took hold of me, the guilt I felt having asked her to die, the grief, the exhaustion  all just so was overwhelming.

I have lost my mummy, my best friend and the rock of our family.  The trauma my family when through has put a terrible strain on us all we are finding it hard to cope, not communicating with each other, I think afraid of having to talk about the terrible time we had all experienced.

I feel angry and yes I know this is a stage of grief, but I don't feel that it was fully explained to us what to expect at the end we were repeatedly told she would more than likely just pass in her sleep, we were fully unaware of what could happen. Surely we are not the only family to have experienced this trauma. To watch the suffering. I think people caring for a loved one in their final days should be more aware and informed of what could happen that death isn't always peaceful and can be the worst thing you will experience in your life.  I feel that I need to do something to inform people prepare them for what could be and maybe it will ease the trauma for families. We just don't talk about death, just healing, recovery, counselling, and how to cope with grief but not what to expect when a loved one dies, and not how hard and traumatic death can be to watch. 

Sorry for the long post but I just needed to share my experience.