Haunted by seeing my Dad die

6 weeks ago Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and he passed away 2 nights ago. Dad was my best friend and my rock, we were incredibly close and spent a huge amount of time together. Dad was taken care of for his last few days at a hospice and we spent as much time with him as we could. I miss Dad so much and although I don't wish he was still here the way he was after he got diagnosed, I would give anything to have my amazing healthy Dad back. He lived life to the full and had so many more years of good life left to live.

All of the family were in the room with Dad while he passed, along with a doctor and a nurse. He took a turn very suddenly, in fact right after we had just been told that they thought he would last at least another night due to how incredibly strong his mental attitide was and how much he was fighting to stay with us. 

I can't get the images of Dad dying out of my head. All I can see if him gasping for air while making awful noises. Dad was so with it and aware even in his last minutes. The nurse gave him an injection ( I don't know what of) and as she was doing that he looked at me and his eyes were so distressed and scared. I can't bear that my last memory of Dad is that and that his last memory of me is while he was dying and scared. I explained to him that the nurse was just giving him a small injection to help him and then the nurse laid my hand over his heart while it gave out. Everyone else was holding his hands. They all think it was peaceful for him but I don't and I can't picture him any other way right now. I know the fact that he was aware means he absolutely knew we were all with him, which he wanted, but I also know it means he knew exactly what was happening. 

I know it has only been a short time but i feel like I am going crazy as I am the only person in the room that feels like this. I can't sleep and I feel sick the whole time.I feel so guilty, like I almost helped him to die. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way after seeing a loved one die in front of them?

Parents
  • I’ve only just seen this so I’m sorry if it’s a late reply but I felt compelled to reply, I lost my Dad a few weeks ago at the end of May. It was horrific and I really don’t know how I will recover from this, he was diagnosed with cancer & he was very stubborn & refused to stay in hospital, he wanted to be at home. At that time I don’t think he truly realised he was dying, I agreed to pick him up & take him home, he could barely walk & within days was completely bedbound & we had the palliative care nurses come to help me. Only 2 weeks later he died in my arms, me my brother & stater were there & after 48 hours of him being unconscious & not being able to eat or drink we said to him “ come on Dad just let it go we love you” he opened his eyes, took a massive breathe of air and he was gone. I sat & hugged his body for 2 hours till the undertakers came & took his body. I feel like I’ll. ever get over this, his last few days looking tormented & struggling. Any advice would be much appreciated x
  • My dad died on Tuesday in exactly the same circumstances as you and you have to take comfort that you were all there when he passed. Sounds like you did everything for him and said exactly the right things to comfort him at the right times. It's very hard to come to terms with this but in time it will get better. Bring family a little closer and talk about the happy memories holidays and hobbies and then you will all learn to laugh again. 
    Sending you so much love and light xx

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  • My dad died on Tuesday in exactly the same circumstances as you and you have to take comfort that you were all there when he passed. Sounds like you did everything for him and said exactly the right things to comfort him at the right times. It's very hard to come to terms with this but in time it will get better. Bring family a little closer and talk about the happy memories holidays and hobbies and then you will all learn to laugh again. 
    Sending you so much love and light xx

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