I think blanking it out is normal from what I’ve been reading. Apparently you can go into “trauma mode”. & am going for Counselling to see if that helps me and I truly hope you find some comfort soon ️

Chrissie I am ao sorry for the delay and thank you for your words. I am going for Counselling to see if that will help. I won’t let cancer rob me of the good memories now of my Dad ️

Hi there   Gabrielle ..

Really pleased your getting help .. we can't let cancer take our memories away ... we are not cancer ... so so proud of you ... two fingers up to cancer ...    x

Keep at it thoe a lot give up say it dosnt help it hurts its to hard to talk  the long term effects especialy in the months to come and the world goes back to normal and changes the subject when you still want talk they wonder why there stuck at least every weak you have someone there for you .paul 

Hi Gabrielle,

Sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad 2 weeks ago from a rare cancer.at the age of 66.he had it in his nasal cavity 5 years ago and had an op to remove it and had chemo and radiation. March this year he was given the the all clear, then 4 months later in July he was getting pains in his tummy.After a scan it showed he'd git it in his lungs, intestines, spine,liver,stomach everywhere, we were in complete shock. We were told there was nothing they could do for him and he went into a hospice . We managed to bring him home for the last 4 weeks were my mum nursed him. We had all the care team helping to. We were told on the 20th October he had 72 hours left..the the nurse also gave him an injection and my brother said exactly the same as you the fear in dad's eyes but we were told it was to help him relax.. next morning at 5:35 my dad passed away with us all holding each other's hand and his . About 10 smi Utes before he passed he had a gurgling in his throat that was horrid to hear to.its heartbreaking watching a strong person you love with all your heart deterate . And very hard to keep going day by day..I cry everyday I miss him so much and my mum's struggling too . Your not alone at all in this xx

Hello 

Im sorry for your loss, I to lost my Dad in April he was my legend and my world. I also was with him when he passed on my own I felt so helpless and couldn't believe what was happening it was like a nightmare that i wanted to wake up from. I am like you i cant get the imagen from my head and feel guilty for letting my dad its time to go like i longed him to die which isnt the case. Cancer is cruel. Im glad my dad is no longer suffering but for me the pain still remains 

Xxx

[@Gabrielle21]‍ 

I’m so sorry for your loss. Pancreatic cancer is an awful disease. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 13th January and died 31st January. My dad was everything to me and my family he was the beating heart of the family. I miss him so much there isn’t a minute that goes by that I’m not thinking about my dad. Dad got taken to a hospice to have his ascites drained (build up of fluid) from his belly well that’s what we thought they was going to do but as he was vomiting black constantly I think the  care team decided he needed to be in a hospice and not at home for his care and it was the best thing they could of done as he died that evening with my mum by his side while looking into each others eyes. If he would of been at home my mum may not of been with him at the time. My mum and dad were married 51 years they were soulmates and my dad was a hero to me my sisters and my brother. I will never forget him I love him so much. Life will not be the same without him. 

I see you last posted in September I’m hoping the grieving is not as terrible for you now....I don’t be think you ever get over it but you manage it better and think of the happy memories you shared. 

Big hugs xx

char xx

Hi

I am so sorry for your loss.....I have lost both my parents to cancer....dad was extremely quick.....and yes you're right .....nobody talks about the actual passing of someone... .it is extremely hard to deal with .....and is a physical pain in your body.......it makes you question everything......you feel your heart is broken.....you question everything.....if only, I wish, I should of, ect.....you question your own mortality......I know I will feel fear at my point of death......but by the sounds of it you loved your father deeply .....and he knew that......please hold onto that......best wishes Ann

To everyone that has taken the time to reply to this post, thank you so much. It has been 9 months since Dad passed and I doing better while still missing him very much. I was diagnosed with PTSD from seeing Dad died so have been managing that as well as coping with grief. I have good and bad days as we all do. Thank you all so much for your kind words and helpful comments here xx