Haunted by seeing my Dad die

6 weeks ago Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and he passed away 2 nights ago. Dad was my best friend and my rock, we were incredibly close and spent a huge amount of time together. Dad was taken care of for his last few days at a hospice and we spent as much time with him as we could. I miss Dad so much and although I don't wish he was still here the way he was after he got diagnosed, I would give anything to have my amazing healthy Dad back. He lived life to the full and had so many more years of good life left to live.

All of the family were in the room with Dad while he passed, along with a doctor and a nurse. He took a turn very suddenly, in fact right after we had just been told that they thought he would last at least another night due to how incredibly strong his mental attitide was and how much he was fighting to stay with us. 

I can't get the images of Dad dying out of my head. All I can see if him gasping for air while making awful noises. Dad was so with it and aware even in his last minutes. The nurse gave him an injection ( I don't know what of) and as she was doing that he looked at me and his eyes were so distressed and scared. I can't bear that my last memory of Dad is that and that his last memory of me is while he was dying and scared. I explained to him that the nurse was just giving him a small injection to help him and then the nurse laid my hand over his heart while it gave out. Everyone else was holding his hands. They all think it was peaceful for him but I don't and I can't picture him any other way right now. I know the fact that he was aware means he absolutely knew we were all with him, which he wanted, but I also know it means he knew exactly what was happening. 

I know it has only been a short time but i feel like I am going crazy as I am the only person in the room that feels like this. I can't sleep and I feel sick the whole time.I feel so guilty, like I almost helped him to die. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way after seeing a loved one die in front of them?

Parents
  • Hi Gabrielle,

    Sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad 2 weeks ago from a rare cancer.at the age of 66.he had it in his nasal cavity 5 years ago and had an op to remove it and had chemo and radiation. March this year he was given the the all clear, then 4 months later in July he was getting pains in his tummy.After a scan it showed he'd git it in his lungs, intestines, spine,liver,stomach everywhere, we were in complete shock. We were told there was nothing they could do for him and he went into a hospice . We managed to bring him home for the last 4 weeks were my mum nursed him. We had all the care team helping to. We were told on the 20th October he had 72 hours left..the the nurse also gave him an injection and my brother said exactly the same as you the fear in dad's eyes but we were told it was to help him relax.. next morning at 5:35 my dad passed away with us all holding each other's hand and his . About 10 smi Utes before he passed he had a gurgling in his throat that was horrid to hear to.its heartbreaking watching a strong person you love with all your heart deterate . And very hard to keep going day by day..I cry everyday I miss him so much and my mum's struggling too . Your not alone at all in this xx

Reply
  • Hi Gabrielle,

    Sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad 2 weeks ago from a rare cancer.at the age of 66.he had it in his nasal cavity 5 years ago and had an op to remove it and had chemo and radiation. March this year he was given the the all clear, then 4 months later in July he was getting pains in his tummy.After a scan it showed he'd git it in his lungs, intestines, spine,liver,stomach everywhere, we were in complete shock. We were told there was nothing they could do for him and he went into a hospice . We managed to bring him home for the last 4 weeks were my mum nursed him. We had all the care team helping to. We were told on the 20th October he had 72 hours left..the the nurse also gave him an injection and my brother said exactly the same as you the fear in dad's eyes but we were told it was to help him relax.. next morning at 5:35 my dad passed away with us all holding each other's hand and his . About 10 smi Utes before he passed he had a gurgling in his throat that was horrid to hear to.its heartbreaking watching a strong person you love with all your heart deterate . And very hard to keep going day by day..I cry everyday I miss him so much and my mum's struggling too . Your not alone at all in this xx

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