Haunted by seeing my Dad die

6 weeks ago Dad was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and he passed away 2 nights ago. Dad was my best friend and my rock, we were incredibly close and spent a huge amount of time together. Dad was taken care of for his last few days at a hospice and we spent as much time with him as we could. I miss Dad so much and although I don't wish he was still here the way he was after he got diagnosed, I would give anything to have my amazing healthy Dad back. He lived life to the full and had so many more years of good life left to live.

All of the family were in the room with Dad while he passed, along with a doctor and a nurse. He took a turn very suddenly, in fact right after we had just been told that they thought he would last at least another night due to how incredibly strong his mental attitide was and how much he was fighting to stay with us. 

I can't get the images of Dad dying out of my head. All I can see if him gasping for air while making awful noises. Dad was so with it and aware even in his last minutes. The nurse gave him an injection ( I don't know what of) and as she was doing that he looked at me and his eyes were so distressed and scared. I can't bear that my last memory of Dad is that and that his last memory of me is while he was dying and scared. I explained to him that the nurse was just giving him a small injection to help him and then the nurse laid my hand over his heart while it gave out. Everyone else was holding his hands. They all think it was peaceful for him but I don't and I can't picture him any other way right now. I know the fact that he was aware means he absolutely knew we were all with him, which he wanted, but I also know it means he knew exactly what was happening. 

I know it has only been a short time but i feel like I am going crazy as I am the only person in the room that feels like this. I can't sleep and I feel sick the whole time.I feel so guilty, like I almost helped him to die. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way after seeing a loved one die in front of them?

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  • [@Gabrielle21]‍ 

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Pancreatic cancer is an awful disease. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 13th January and died 31st January. My dad was everything to me and my family he was the beating heart of the family. I miss him so much there isn’t a minute that goes by that I’m not thinking about my dad. Dad got taken to a hospice to have his ascites drained (build up of fluid) from his belly well that’s what we thought they was going to do but as he was vomiting black constantly I think the  care team decided he needed to be in a hospice and not at home for his care and it was the best thing they could of done as he died that evening with my mum by his side while looking into each others eyes. If he would of been at home my mum may not of been with him at the time. My mum and dad were married 51 years they were soulmates and my dad was a hero to me my sisters and my brother. I will never forget him I love him so much. Life will not be the same without him. 

    I see you last posted in September I’m hoping the grieving is not as terrible for you now....I don’t be think you ever get over it but you manage it better and think of the happy memories you shared. 

    Big hugs xx

    char xx

     

     

     

     

     

     

Reply
  • [@Gabrielle21]‍ 

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Pancreatic cancer is an awful disease. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 13th January and died 31st January. My dad was everything to me and my family he was the beating heart of the family. I miss him so much there isn’t a minute that goes by that I’m not thinking about my dad. Dad got taken to a hospice to have his ascites drained (build up of fluid) from his belly well that’s what we thought they was going to do but as he was vomiting black constantly I think the  care team decided he needed to be in a hospice and not at home for his care and it was the best thing they could of done as he died that evening with my mum by his side while looking into each others eyes. If he would of been at home my mum may not of been with him at the time. My mum and dad were married 51 years they were soulmates and my dad was a hero to me my sisters and my brother. I will never forget him I love him so much. Life will not be the same without him. 

    I see you last posted in September I’m hoping the grieving is not as terrible for you now....I don’t be think you ever get over it but you manage it better and think of the happy memories you shared. 

    Big hugs xx

    char xx

     

     

     

     

     

     

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