Losing my mother in law

My mother in law passed away a few months ago, and I’m really struggling. I always felt very close to her, saw her as another mother. And she always treated me like her daughter. Losing her was unexpected, we all thought she was pulling through. Ever since she passed I just can’t stop thinking about her, and I get this anxious numbing feeling when I realise she’s actually gone; that she won’t know our kids, she won’t be just down the road or a phone call away. But I don’t know who to talk to. I don’t want to bring it up with my husband, because after all she was his actual mother. Who am I to be struggling this much? And when I do it just makes him sad, which is the last thing I want to do. I know whatever I’m feeling he’s feeling a million times worse. She was the central figure in our extended family and I just don’t know how we will move on from this. I’m just so lost and needed to let it out somewhere, I just can’t believe she’s gone. Does it get any easier?  

Parents
  • Hi,

    so very sorry for your loss. There is no hierarchy when it comes to losing someone - your love for her is as strong as your husbands so you have every right to grieve just as much as blood relatives - perhaps even more as you and she were very close. Grief can bring about a complex range of emotions and what you are experiencing is not only natural but healthy. I would continue to talk to your husband about how you are feeling, him being sad when you talk about this is also natural and you will be allowing him to grieve openingly.

    It does get better over time as you come to accept what has happened but if it doesn’t then perhaps grief counselling could help. If you are struggling don’t be afraid to ask your GP for help. When my husband dies the kids were very young, I put together a memory box with pictures, videos, clothing and written memories of his favourite things/ happy experiences in order to keep his memory alive. Perhaps something similar could help you see your mother in law ‘live on’ and bring you some comfort.

    sending you a virtual hug x

Reply
  • Hi,

    so very sorry for your loss. There is no hierarchy when it comes to losing someone - your love for her is as strong as your husbands so you have every right to grieve just as much as blood relatives - perhaps even more as you and she were very close. Grief can bring about a complex range of emotions and what you are experiencing is not only natural but healthy. I would continue to talk to your husband about how you are feeling, him being sad when you talk about this is also natural and you will be allowing him to grieve openingly.

    It does get better over time as you come to accept what has happened but if it doesn’t then perhaps grief counselling could help. If you are struggling don’t be afraid to ask your GP for help. When my husband dies the kids were very young, I put together a memory box with pictures, videos, clothing and written memories of his favourite things/ happy experiences in order to keep his memory alive. Perhaps something similar could help you see your mother in law ‘live on’ and bring you some comfort.

    sending you a virtual hug x

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