That’s what my other siblings have said. Although my other siblings have had bad words thrown between themselves over paying for the funeral I have had none but it doesn’t mean I’m not equally disappointed and upset at their behaviour. Both parties are asking me not to talk their brothers and sisters and it’s causing huge anxiety. I am really struggling already to see my brother being cremated and keep changing my mind whether to attend the funeral without thinking if I go it’s going to be a blood bath. Help!

This exactly what I wish for myself. I don’t want people to attend my funeral. That’s not a lasting imagine I want for my loved ones. I love my brother but I’m struggling with going to my twins funeral and seeing him in coffin. It’s bad enough seeing the cancer taking away any resemblance of my brother with now going to see him in a box. I’m struggling with emotions as well as what is the last respectful I can do for my brother. It’s very hard to know what to for the best. I’m confused.

I have had to watch this disease take away anything that resembled my twin and now I’ve got to watch him being carried in a box. I don’t want to go to the funeral an am getting anxiety. It’s just to hard to do but people keep telling me I will regret it if I don’t go. My mind changes daily and I don’t know what to do?

Sorry your going through thi when i lost my partner my siblings let me down all but one told the rest to sling there hook and feel better for it to be honest at times like this they should stick together but its surprising how many dont dont you loose a loved one thats when you find your true friends and sometimes it can be quite surprising but my feelings now are why bother with em if they dont supprt us and my siblings are hight flyeres ones even a surgeon but dosnt make them a better person what they do you would expect a dr to be there but it dosnt always follow .hope you get sorted it should be your brothers partner doing this but all credit to you for taking up the rains but guilt will get the ones that will not pay that is a forgone conclusion .best wishs to you thoe

Thank you so much. I have gain such comfort from this site. Sometimes you find kindness in strangers more than family. God just needs to give me the strength to get through the funeral!

His partner has all what was left of brothers belongings. She wants to put herself down in text messages being sent to family that she’s next of kin, but she says she has no money to put towards her own partners funeral. It’s times like this you see people’s true colours.

He had no money to leave. There was no money so his siblings are trying to raise the money to pay for it.

If there's no money for a funeral then the local authority will arrange and pay for what is called a Public Health funeral; note that if there is any money left in your brother's estate then they may claim the costs back from the estate.  More information here: https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/help-paying-for-a-funeral

A situation like this needs advice from someone who both has knowledge of the law and is emotionally detached from the situation.  I suggest you contact the local Citizens Advice for legal advice. 

I also suggest that you gently but firmly remind anyone who is telling to cut off contact with other members of the family that this storm will blow over given time, and it is in no one's interest to create a permanent and painful rift.  Therefore you will continue to remain in contact with every member of your family, and you will sit where you choose and talk to who you choose whenever you choose. 

I've been to quite a few funerals, and never once has the coffin been open. The days of open casket funerals and long past.

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately my brother has railroaded and taken it upon himself to organise this funeral and now he’s decided that the people that want to contribute, contribute and those who don’t want to, he has now decided he doesn’t want his words “their dirty money!”. He doesn’t want their money because originally they wasnt forthcoming in contributing. He’s putting his other siblings with the situation and pressure of trying to find the money for the family members who are not contributing. My brother is shouldering all the responsibility for the funeral and seems to be acting very angry and doesn’t want to budge in asking them all for money. It’s getting very nasty and to be honest it’s putting me off going to funeral. There’s no reasoning with him at the moment! When I try to talk to him or advise him on anything he’s biting my head off.

By the way it’s not going to be an open coffin, I just generally don’t like to look at ANY coffins, opened, or closed. I’m going to struggle on the day of the funeral.

Hi Par7.

Then I suggest you don't go to the funeral. 

The funeral isn't for the person who dies - they're past all that. It's for those who remain behind to say farewell, but clearly it's not going to work that way for you, so I suggest you say farewell in a different way.

You could either write your dead brother a letter, which of course you don't post, or in a month or so you could arrange a quiet event to say goodbye, to which you invite everyone except the brother who's causing problems. It doesn't need to be anything elaborate; maybe just a drink in local pub to toast the memory of your dead brother.