Hi par7 firstly so sorry for your loss, what's happening is quite normal, i know it's a bad time to mention it but it shows that these things want arangeing as soon as possible not last minute i know you all had other things on your minds and still have, hope something gets sorted soon best wishes, Billy 

Hi there,

I am very sorry for your loss.

You or your brother's partner may be able to get help with some of the costs: www.gov.uk/funeral-payments

If your brother didn't want certain siblings in his life, he probably didn't want/ expect them to pay for his funeral either.

You are not responsible for their or others' conduct. 

Take care

Hi there - I'm sorry this is happening to you - it's a very sad situation. Sadly, I don't think it's as rare as you might think. Family issues often raise their heads at times like these & are very difficult.

I agree with kajena - that you are not responsible for your siblings conduct. I do think tho' that you will be glad later that you have shown your twin brother respect by paying towards his funeral costs. Your siblings may come to regret it - but that's their problem not yours. I think it says a lot more about you than it does about them.

I'm very sorry for your loss & hope things go well for you. x

When you say he left no funds for his funeral, do you mean he left no money whatsoever to anybody because we was broke, or he left money and a will but didn't specifically mention funeral costs, or he left money but no will?  If he left a will did he also name someone as executor? 

I'm not a lawyer but I think each situation is treated differently in law. 

Arguing about money and hes barly cold what a bunch if his widow has no money get in touch with a funeral directer they have all the info you used to be able to claim if you have know money personaly i would tell them not to come if there that mean .let em deal with that guilt .p

 Hi, I’m really sorry to hear of the death of your brother and the family arguments it has caused. 

 I’m going to put a slightly different spin on things, with absolutely no offence intended 

 When my husband was dying we thought long and hard about what kind of funeral Steve might want. It wasn’t until we started researching that we realised  there are many different options. The traditional funeral that costs £3000 to £4000  is becoming less and less popular. Steve had a direct cremation, also known as a cremation without ceremony. We then had a big party to celebrate his birthday six weeks later.  The cremation cost just over £1000. 

 As I say, no offence intended.  I totally and utterly understand that there are very different views about this but Stephen wasn’t religious and he wanted to spend his money on a celebration rather than a traditional funeral. 

[@SusanRuth]‍  I really agree with what you said. Neither my husband nor I intend on having funerals. It may have been that Par7's brother did not set money aside as he did not want one either. Hopefully his partner knew his wishes.

 Hello, that’s kind of you to say. I must admit since doing the research and following Steve’s wishes I have changed my will. As have my mother, my brother and two of our close friends.  Steve‘s decision stemmed from not wanting to put me through the trauma of having to host something so sad, (no matter how uplifting you try and make them,), as a service in a crematorium. It would have meant me leaving him there and walking away and I knew I couldn’t do that. In the event Steve died at home, I was able to spend precious  Time with him after he died before the undertakers came. The next time I “saw him“ was when I went to pick his ashes up. It was a beautiful sunny day and my friend and I went for a lovely walk, then for coffee and whilst it was one of the worst days of my life at least it was  private and mellow. 

 For his birthday we had a great big party, that Steve organised before he died. There were over 100 people there and we raised an incredible amount of money – nearly £5000 for the Nottingham city hospitals Cancer trust.

 I think the alternatives to a traditional funeral are really not well known or publicised. But I have to say it was far and away the best decision we made. 

Xx

His death was unexpected and I think he did not realise until to late that he would survive this horrible disease. He left not one penny and left only a pile of debt behind that no one knew until he got ill.

The family has now gone pass the point of repair and only half his siblings wants to contribute. Although I don’t agree and am very angry against the family members that have not contributed I don’t want to hold a grudge but the ones that have contributing are now asking me not to speak to the others. I am already struggle to attend the funeral as I have been getting anxiety about seeing my brother in coffin but now I have also got to think which family members I sit next to the church, without offending the other. It’s such a mess.

Thank you but have looked into this but this is not an option for many reasons. The family is now so divided and siblings are arguing with each other to the point the damage is done and there’s no return. I feel stuck in the middle. Each day I’m talking myself in and out of going. As a young child I had a phobia of dieing and the thought of seeing my brother in coffin is becoming to much. I would rather not attend but is this disrespectful?