Hi there we all get the what ifs it wouldnt have matterd what you did your brain would have found something to blame ourselve .its just part of the process of grief i think we loose control of our lodgic and just use the emotional side as time goes by thoes thoughts dwindle .when thoes negative thoughts start start telling yourself the good things you did and ime sure there were many . I knocked myself out for weeks because i forgot to give liz my partner a hankie to hold dosnt that sound trivial to you but at the time to me i had committed a terrible thing .and no way was i i goiing to say goodbye not maney do that if i was dieing i wouldnt want anyone to say goodby. your mum will know you loved her and vice verca . I would c aboutcouncili i think that will help the what ifs and you couldnt be with her 24/7 best wishs paul

Skipfeeney, I'm so so sorry this has happened, I can only imagine the shock you're going through. You're going to go through so many confusing feelings, shock, disbelief, and what ifs certainly feature for everyone after a loss. I'm glad you said writing things down helped because it's something I do too. Please don't feel guilty, the only guilty party in this is that *** cancer that took your precious mom. My mom died 4 months ago 6 weeks after a sudden diagnosis of lung cancer which had already spread everywhere at diagnosis. I watched her take her last breath and afterwards was so angry at the GPs for not picking up on it and then the hospital doctors for not doing any treatment. And then at myself for not picking up on her symptoms earlier or pushing her to go to the doctors more. There's always a feeling of needing to blame someone but I'm working on that myself, shock is a big factor too. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, all I can say having had my experience is that the initial raw and strong feelings you're having now will very gradually start to become less intense. This will take time I'm afraid and in the meantime you need to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. It's all consuming. For me personally finding out every single thing about mom's person cancer diagnosis has helped me to understand more, I've got her hospital records and I can understand a bit better. But I realise this isn't suitable for everyone, my dad doesn't want to know anything about it which is how he copes. We are all different but please look after yourself and eat and drink when you can. Please don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong and know your mom loves you and she'll be with you even if you don't realise this, she will never be far from you. Big hugs X

Oh my, this is so sad. Please take comfort in knowing your lovely mom knew how much she meant to you and that things were very much out of your control. It's so sad losing someone so quickly, let alone not been able to be there at the time. It sounds like everything happened so fast and you didn't get chance to be there. This is something that is out of your control. Please don't feel bad, your mom will be around and will leave you signs. Your mom loves you very much and wouldn't want you to be suffering. Take care of yourself and your family, your mom will fnd a way of letting you know she is there for you xxx hugs