Hi

i am so sorry to hear about your dad. I am touched by your story, I too feel very sad, and alone at times  

My dad went to the dentist in Jan, three weeks later got a diagnosis of terminal cancer and given 3-6 months to live. He too was rarely sick but is older than your dad - in his eighties. 

It’s been a very strange time with unfamiliar strong feelings, including feeling useless and heartbroken.

You ask what you can say. I suppose I’ve tried to say what’s been in my heart in a way that I think my dad can relate to. We are very different. I’ve tried to respect his choices about how much or not he wants to talk about his condition, the time he has left and dying. We’ve carried on talking about the things that he’s interested in and doing the things that are important to him - bbq  on first sunny day even though he couldn’t come outside or eat anything, planting tomatoes and mowing the lawn  In amongst all that occasionally we talk about his situation and I tell him how much I love him and that I hate that he is dying, too soon, when he has much he’s still like to do  How unfair it is and how sorry I am  

Although i wouldn’t  wish this experience on anyone I’ve had some really lovely times and moments with him. I think we’ve felt very close just sitting together - earlier this week we were watching the snooker. 

I have siblings who are all managing very differently  Our relationships have become closer and we try respect our different ways of being with Dad and different views of his choices around treatment  and  now about his care 

I hope some of this is helpful.  I would say that feeling and expressing your feelings including of feeling not being able to cope are vital in being strong for yourself, your dad and others in your family. The more you can feel your feelings, express them in your way and let them go the more you might be able to ride the roller coaster of this time and not crash. 

Its been a really hard time and still is. Do try and look after yourself as well as you can. 

You and your dad will be in my thoughts. Take care 

Hi

i am so sorry to hear about your dad. I am touched by your story, I too feel very sad, and alone at times  

My dad went to the dentist in Jan, three weeks later got a diagnosis of terminal cancer and given 3-6 months to live. He too was rarely sick but is older than your dad - in his eighties. 

It’s been a very strange time with unfamiliar strong feelings, including feeling useless and heartbroken.

You ask what you can say. I suppose I’ve tried to say what’s been in my heart in a way that I think my dad can relate to. We are very different. I’ve tried to respect his choices about how much or not he wants to talk about his condition, the time he has left and dying. We’ve carried on talking about the things that he’s interested in and doing the things that are important to him - bbq  on first sunny day even though he couldn’t come outside or eat anything, planting tomatoes and mowing the lawn  In amongst all that occasionally we talk about his situation and I tell him how much I love him and that I hate that he is dying, too soon, when he has much he’s still like to do  How unfair it is and how sorry I am  

Although i wouldn’t  wish this experience on anyone I’ve had some really lovely times and moments with him. I think we’ve felt very close just sitting together - earlier this week we were watching the snooker. 

I have siblings who are all managing very differently  Our relationships have become closer and we try respect our different ways of being with Dad and different views of his choices around treatment  and  now about his care 

I hope some of this is helpful.  I would say that feeling and expressing your feelings including of feeling not being able to cope are vital in being strong for yourself, your dad and others in your family. The more you can feel your feelings, express them in your way and let them go the more you might be able to ride the roller coaster of this time and not crash. 

Its been a really hard time and still is. Do try and look after yourself as well as you can. 

You and your dad will be in my thoughts. Take care