My Dad passed away 4 weeks after diagnosis. I’m struggling to get my head around what happened to him and i’m wondering if anyone could help.
My Mum passes away in June 2017 - Dad has been her carer for 3 years. He was tired a lot and had a bad back but he always suffered with back pain. Apart from that Dad seemed okay, depressed, sad but looked okay but had a bad cough.
Mum’s funeral was 2 weeks later (ish) Dad seemed like he just sat back and let me arrange it. He was struggling to walk a bit, but on the day of the funeral he was wobbly, and looking back not too well. I had to fasten his shirt for him.
In the next couple of weeks Dad stopped eating properly- everything tasted ‘crap’ and he was exhausted- just sleeping so much.
19th July - I came to see Dad - he much have lost stones in weight in just 2 weeks, it was awful. He was a big man but was gone from that to frail and ill in the space of 3 weeks at the most.
23rd July - Dad was diagnosed with Kidney/renal Cancer. A 10cm tumour on his right kidney. They say they will do a biopsy and then decide in a meeting what to do next.
Dad was told and waiting for biopsy. Nothing happened for days. I looked at his notes and saw palliative care. I questioned it and was told they wouldn’t put him through it. It had spread from kidney up his vein into his lungs and they were full with it. No idea how long he had left. Decision was made not to tell Dad.
Dad moved into a nursing home. Died 23rd August- exactly a month after diagnosis.
Doctor or told me ‘it must have been there years’ it’s rare, and not hereditary. How do they know any of this without a biopsy? Can they just tell? I feel lost. And guilty.
Also - if it had been there for some time, why did he only become very ill and lose that much weight when mum had died? I don’t understand.
