Linda, again Hi .. Sorry I didnt reply to this thread. You know, I get it. I want to scream so badly, the ache in my throat from the lump that permanantly sits there. And again, the age reference .. I haven't had that because I have avoided everyone of my friends since Mum's diagnosis. I almost feel that I don't want a part of my old life and chat to old friends, while in this new reality, Mum isn't here. I don't want to accept it OUT LOUD yet I think. I said to Mum, who said to me, that she's had a good innings :) .. That if she was 121 years old, and I was laying beside 100 years old, I would never have been ready for this. I told her, I will be okay, and I will be present for my kids, and I am. But I think our Mums know we were going to break our hearts .. I believe they can see all things now, and know way before we do, that brighter days will surely come, even though we cant imagine and in truth dont want them without Mum. But wether we like it or not, time will have to mend some of this break in our hearts, because how would any of us get through it eh?

Love and peace wished for you today Linda x

My mam died nearly 8 weeks ago after a 2 year battle with Cancer. She was my best friend as well as my mam.  I moved into the family home, when she first got diagnosed. She went through so much to live longer ( chemo, radiot-herapy, surgery).

I feel so lost and empty inside. I am single, no kids and don't feel I can carry on anymore. Suicide is in my thoughts alot. I just want to be back with my mam 

Hello GeorgiePaul,

I'm very sorry to hear how you're feeling and wanted to pass on my condolences on behalf of everyone on Cancer Chat. I can understand that you would feel lost and grief affects everyone in different ways so it's important to talk about these feelings with people you can trust. 

This community is always here if you need it and if you'd like further support Cruse bereavement helpline is 0808 808 1677 and free if you wish to speak to someone about your loss. If you're finding things overwhelming please reach out to someone or call Samaritans on 116 123, because you're not alone. 

I hope this helps in some way,

Moderator Anastasia

Oh GeordiePaul,

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I understand when you say that you just want your mum back.It's difficult to know what to say at this time, I think as well as emotional, the feelings can be almost physical, it's like you can feel your heart breaking.

It must have been such a great comfort for your mum to have you there with her, I can't imagine what courage she had to go through all the treatment and you being there, you couldn't have given anymore.

I'm writing this with pictures of my mum by my computer, I truly believe our loved ones somehow are with us in spirit, always in your heart, nothing will change that. The advice I will give is don't look far ahead, just take a day at a time or even an hour at a time; I was in a very dark place when mum died but we have to go on for our mum's, its so hard, the hardest thing you'll experience. But what you are feeling now, so many people on this forum will understand and probably if we were all together in a room now, there would be alot of hugs and tears that you can't stop. 

There are no magic words that will change how you're feeling now, nearly 4 years down the line, I want to tell you that somehow it does get easier, I still miss my mum, that doesn't go away but I try and use the strength and the courage that she showed to carry on, I don't want mum looking down on me, seeing me sad...she's seen that too many times but that's ok.

I hope that you have some family members close by or friends that can support you? I spoke to my GP and there are people like The Samaritans that can help. I know others here will come along and give wiser words than me.

Thinking of you at this difficult time, if you can, please post again so people here know how you're doing. Sending you all my strength.

Hi Alibags,

I happened to come across your message from a long while ago so I am not sure if you will ever read this now. I just wanted to say I am sorry reading about the loss of your Mum. You mentioned being 48, single, no children, no siblings and you care for your Mum in your childhood home since her diagnosis. I could relate to so much of this. I am 47 years old, no children, no siblings (half sister but we have no contact). I also lived and care for my Mum in our childhood home but I had been living with her for 8 years and 10 years prior to this we lived and worked together mostly. I have my partner and my Labrador. I just wondered how you are now doing?

Jane