Hi Debbie 

your post made me cry.  I am heartbroken for you.  Cancer makes me feel sick to my stomach. I have no real words of comfort for you but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug My mum has terminal cancer and I now live in a constant state of anxiety. To see my mum scared and suffering makes me so sad for her every single day.  I pray that one day they find a way to control or cure this vicious disease.  And I hope that you can find comfort in your memories of your happy times with your husband. It sounds like you had a wonderful marriage - albeit way to short :-( 

Hi georgie21

Thank you for your post, I am so sorry to hear your Dad is suffering from this awful pancreatic cancer!

After lots of research I have discovered it is a very hard cancer to diagnosis and shows very little symptoms before spreading, which it spread to my husbands liver and for your dad his stomach! This is often too late for those who have it as like my husband no treatment was going to save him, his was very aggressive.

I am just over a year now from his passing and I still find it difficult how quick he went, cancer is an evil disease and takes the most beautiful people in our lives. My husband was a very brave man, he had very little time to come to terms with him knowing he was going to die! As for myself and my 25 year old son this was the most devastating news ever but we did our best to stay as strong as possible for him but we were crumbling inside with sadness, he was an amazing husband and father. He is truly missed.

Stay with your Dad as much as possible and shower him with love and comfort, and when the day comes he has to leave you be very proud of him as you know he will have tried his hardest to stay with you, I know how hard it is to watch the physical change in them especially for men. 

I will be thinking of you and I am sending a massive hug and love for you and the rest of your family.

Debbie xx

Hi Miss_Sky

Thank you for your lovely post,yes cancer really does suck! 

I am a year down the line from my husbands passing and although I have a little normality now even if it is different to the one I had with my husband, I still cry most days and I miss him so much, it is very hard to see any future without him,so I really take just one day at a time. I am so sorry to hear your mum is terminal, this is awful news for you and to know she is scared also, my husband told everybody else he was scared but not me as he didn’t want to upset me! Still always thinking of me even though he knew he was going to die!!

My good memories are slowly coming through but are still often shadowed by those last awful days! We did have a wonderful marriage, wold have been 30 years this year, I will always be grateful and lucky to have had him as my husband, a wonderful person inside and out!

Spend as much time as you can with your mum, she will find your presence a big comfort especially if she is scared, she will not want to leave you and you won’t want her to leave you, it’s called a special motherly love, cancer can not and will never take that from you both!

Hopefully one day these forums will not be needed when they find a cure, but in the meantime use them as they really do support you when you are at your lowest.

I will be think of you and your mum,and am sending you a big hug and lots of love.

Debbie 51 xx

After reading your  sad story thought I'd tell my  experience on pancreatic cancer ... My dad an active man for his age started complaining two years ago of pains in his left hand  side , after a stay in hospital gallstones were discovered ... The same pain continued until four weeks ago and was treated for an infection of the gallbladder , a ultra sound scan for gallstones revealed a liason on his liver , a CT scan followed revealing pancreatic cancer which ad spread to his kidney and liver ... In less than three weeks my wonderful dad was bed bound and so poorly , his decline was rapid and we lost our beautiful dad on Thursday 5th December 2019 less than four weeks after diagnosis ... Totally heartbroken .. And with this cruel desease there's no cure at all 

Hi Charmatt93

Im very sorry to hear about your dad and I'm sure you're sick of many people saying that to you ! It is awful to see how rapidly they deteriorate so quickly. It makes it feel like a horrible nightmare and I felt like there was no time to process anything. Even after 3 months I still feel it's not real and that it hasn't happened. This disease needs to be picked up quicker because of how severely and quickly it can spread. I hope you and your family are coping as well as you can, especially so close to Christmas. I truly believe that my dad is somewhere out there having a much better, painless time and no longer has to suffer with anything anymore. Always remember it is okay to break down, it is important we feel and not block it out 

Hello...i'm really sorry for everyone's loss..i think pancreatic cancer is the most brutal one, is just a silent killer that acts for more than 10 years without any symptoms.also my dad died from this horrible cancer at 58..and the worst part, i'm from romania and i've been living in uk since 2016 so my dad was back home. we used to talk for almost 2 hours for a few days during a whole week, always joking and everytime i went back home it kinda felt like christmas. but all of a sudden, he started feeling really sick, couldn't eat anything without puking. while he was in the hospital he didn't call for 3 weeks and that made me so worried, and then when i found out he was in the hospital, he didn't tell me why..so i had to work, until i had a massive breakdown in front of my mananger and told me to go back home. took the next flight..saw him and i couldn't even recognise him, he lost so much weight...and then the next day i found out the disease, doctors were pressured by my mum to not tell him what was wrong (i'll never forgive her for that) and then in a week and half after he died. it felt like everything collapsed, and even now, after 6 months, the anger,the pain, numbness, regrets,hopelesness, they're still the same, can't remember memories that i had with him because the cancer takes over..i'm just waiting for that time in the future when it gets a bit easier so i'm not angry all the time. 
i know i'm not helping much here and i honestly can't say anything reassuring at this moment, but hope that with the new research and money that the pancreatic cancer got they will be able to make it easier to diagnose and treat it.

I lost my mum to metatistic pancreatic cancer, 7 days ago, 5 weeks to the day since her jaundice appeared, no other symptoms apart from fatigue, which we put down to the fact that my Nan ( her mum ) had passed away a few weeks earlier.

it is a truly brutal cancer. 

Reading all your posts is heartbreaking 20 years ago on the 3rd January I lost my mother to pancreatic and liver cancer. 

This week we found out my husband has stage four pancreatic and liver cancer we haven't been told how long he has left but I'm heartbroken that it's taking him so quickly. 

Today I had to sit my 11 year old son who is disabled and tell him his daddy is going to die I felt my heart being ripped from my chest to see my son cry. As I sit here I looked at my husbands hands and never seen a man's hands turn so old and small. His wedding ring is too big for him now we can't seem to get his pain down and it's getting to the stage I see it that the morphine driver will be put in. 

My husband is 48 and it's so not fair

Hi Taylor71,

Just read your post, and yes all these stories are heartbreaking and I so wish they were stories none of us had experienced! But to have to loose another person to this dreadful cancer for you and once again someone who still has they life ahead of them is soul destroying.

I lost my husband to pancreatic and liver cancer 18 months ago,he had just turned 51. He was always a fairly big man and decided to change his lifestyle so he could be a round longer to be with me, although he never smoked or drank he thought his weight may cause him problems so he did something about it and lost the weight and took up road cycling and took the London to Brighton bike challenge when he turned 50, My family was incredible proud of him and he continued to cycle after and I was due to join him as he bought me a lovely bike for my 50th.

One year later my husband was diagnosed with the cancer after feeling a little unwell, as you know, no symptoms till it has spread! He was gone 2 weeks after his diagnosis! I know what you are dealing with, it is hell!, but please talk as much as you can with him and comfort him to ease his fear, my husband was incredible scared of dying and he was very worried about myself and our son. We didn’t get much time to come to terms with what was happening and I so wished we were able to discus more with each other.

I feel every pain and emotion you will be going through in your coming weeks/months and I will reply to any of your posts to try and help you through this.

This will be a long journey for you and your son, but from my experience it is one you have to go with a day at a time, you have a lovely son who will need you so much more than ever. 

I will be thinking of you and your family, and I am here if you need to chat, keep chatting to someone it is so important for you to off load your feelings right now and in the future.

Take care,

Debbie51 xx