Hi,

I lost my dad almost 3 months a go too. I can't offer you advice because I'm completely lost myself. I can tell you (and feel relieved myself) that you're not alone. 

I've just lost my Dad x literally 6 weeks tomorrow and I still can't believe he is gone. I can't stop crying. As an only child I was so close to him and he was my hero. He didn't even tell me he was ill. He died of Stage 4 bladder cancer. Collapsed at home on the Friday, dies on the Tuesday x I feel sad, angry, lost. He was my hero. What now????

I too lost my dad in May this year, I only found out he had cancer a week before he passed. I get flash backs of him hallucinating and crying out in pain, it was the most heart breaking thing I have ever seen in my life. 

I cant believe he has gone and as Christmas approaches it’s just getting difficult to cope with.

i lost my mum too a year before my dad which was also sudden. 

Theres no time on grief, I’m only 36 which I feel is young for no parents. My children only have one grandparent left as my husband lost his dad too at the age of 20 

i cant see time will ever heal, I’ll always be scarred inside.

So sorry to hear about your dad l feel your sadness as my dad passed away on the 2nd november 2019...had to wait 2wks for his funeral which was so hard ...l was with my dad everyday was hard not working but felt it was my duty as his only daughter to care for him ...18months he had cancer was only me that attended every hospital appointment hearing sad news infront of him and for his sake not to get upset he could see it was hard on us both ..sleepless nights holding his hand in hospital watching him deteriorate in front of me l still stayed strong for my dads sake ...and now l cant be strong am totally falling apart my dad wouldnt like me being like this ...why our dad ...daddies girls unconditional bond and love forever x

I'm so so sorry for your loss xxx 

every day is getting harder and harder to accept he is gone :-(

Im trying so hard to get in the Christmas spirit for the sake of my children. 
 

Why did it have to be our Dads????? 
 

xxxx

Hi your message is just how am feeling lost my dad on 2nd november 2019 had to wait until the 15th november for his funeral ...l gave up working to care for my dad we totally adored each other spent many sleepless nights in hospital with him until the end l left to get him to head home for my mum and l had just left like 10mins and he slipped away his pain was over l am so lost without him cant eat or sleep uncontrollable crying l need my dad l keep shouting out for him ,he wouldnt want me to fall to pieces ....so hope its gets easier as l suffer from anxiety attacks ...big hugs to you for sharing your sadness xx

Hi All

I've been reading all your posts and I want to express to you all my deepest condolences on the loss of your Dads. I know exactly what you're all going through - I lost my Dad on 18th December 2016- nearly 3 years ago. I am an only child and i am so similar in nature to my Dad, even looking similar.  We had no idea that he had Metastatic cancer in bowel and bladder too i believe. It was all so very quick with my Dad. He had celebrated his 80th birthday just over a month before adn then was unwell the folloiwng day, with sickness but just presumed too much on his birthday. Then he got a bit better and then he was unwell. They found he had sepsis which they gave him overnight high dose intravenous antibiotics. A week or so later Mum noticed he looked yellow and took him to GP. They said to go to hopsital. that was a Friday. They said they'd do tests the following Monday, and then on the Tuesday they decided to try to put a stent in for him. that didn't work as the mass in him was too big to allow them in. The Thursday they told Mum he had cancer and she told me. It was such as shock - there had been no evident problems. They said it would be weeks rather than months, He had a stent put in in a different way on the Friday and we made plans to get things ready for him to come home. We went to see him Friday, he wasn't great, but rallied when he saw us. He asked for a  close family friend to come up who's also our Associate vicar. He stayed with us till about 11pm when he and i went home, and Mum stayed overnight with Dad.I picked her up the following morning and she had a break. I went back to see Dad in the afternoon- precious times with him just telling him i loved him. Mum went to see him in the evening but didn't ring me at the time she promised and i knew something was wrong. Just as i was sensing it she rang to say he wasn't good. My husband took me in and Mum and I stayed with him. We just sat with Dad holding his hands and talking to him, telling him we loved him and it was ok, and at 1am he gently peacefullly passed away. It was so peaceful and he was in no pain for which I am so thankful. He knew we were there with him, and although it was the hardest thing to ever watch, I'm so glad i was there with him. 

I really struggled with his death - we had had no warning to come to terms with cancer, let alone preparing for him to pass away. I couldn't take it in. I kept remembering those last few days. All the pictures that came back to my head were those last few days and the last hours.Sometimes that's still all I can see in my head, but it does get better. I'd cry on seeing his photo in our wedding picture, but i can look at it now, and I stroke it.

In the days afterwards I'd be helping Mum with sorting things out, and at night/evening I'd be crying on my husband or at bedtime i'd cry. I had to go to the doctor and take longer compassionate leave and ended up having to have time off work for a month or so and then a phased return.  I was lost without him and still feel taht in a way but i know he's always watching over me . It's so awful that it's an exact week before Christmas. That one was so awful. Thankfullly in a way it was only my husband, my Mum and I.  We didn't have to try to pretend anything.  At least we had things to keep us busy such as the paperwork and will etc. and funeral plans. We had to wait until two weeks into the new year before the funeral but at least it gave us time. My husband and i went away in between Christmas and New year as planned as Mum had said Dad would want that. It felt so alien though to leave MUm at that point, especially as she had to see the funeral director. 

Dad left a big hole in my life and heart that can never be filled, but the hole and the heartache does get smaller as life and the "normal" everyday things begins to grow around it. You never lose the feeling completely and no one will ever fill that hole, but you can learn to live with it. Journalling how you feel each day is good, and I found it helpful and still do, sometimes, to write a letter to Dad. I don't now send it, but i just update it, as if i were telling Dad about things.

At the time i had our vicar who i could send cards like father's day and birthday cards to . He kept them all in a special box for me(which I'd given him) and then he will give them back to me when I'm ready to read them and keep them or not if i no longer feel the need to send them. 

Typing a note to Dad is now very therapeutic. I tell him what Mum's doing and my worries about her. I usually type to him around Christmas or his anniversary or bithday,and I talk to him at other times when I'm alone in the house. 

Wishing you all the very best, and I pray that you will know comfort at this difficult time. 

Was so comforting to myself reading all about your beloved dad passing and how you and your mum are coping big hugs to your family ...am trying my best my dad only passed on 2nd Nov 2019 and his funeral was on the 15th Nov first xmas without him