Hi everyone.
My mum died almost 3 weeks ago and I’m totally lost. She was only diagnosed about 6 weeks before she died. She had extensive small cell lung cancer and when she was diagnosed we knew it was terminal but had no idea it would be so quick. They said they could do palliative chemo which could maybe give her 6 months or so. She only managed 1 round of chemo and died 2 weeks later. She had been unwell for about 4 months before but kept putting off going to the doctors.
When she was in hospital a relative who lives far away came to help me and she has been such a great help with helping getting things organised etc. However after 5 weeks here she will be returning home in 2 days. And I will be all alone. My father died 5 years ago and I have no siblings. Not married and no children. No family at all within a 6 hour drive. It was only ever me and my parents, then just me and my mum for the last 5 years. (I do live alone but visited 4-5 times a week and called daily). I do have friends but I just don’t feel comfortable asking them for help. I only ever asked my mum for help. And now she’s gone.
I also feel so guilty that I could have done more to help her. I admit I didn’t cope well when she was diagnosed and think I tried to be too normal so I worry it looked to her like I didn’t care. (We were never an overly emotional family though) but I wish I’d said more. Let her know how much I loved her etc. I hope she knew even though we never said it to each other through words. Instead of telling her gossip from work I could have told her I loved her. (She used to love hearing gossip!) But I cant change any of that now I know.
This is all just so hard. And I’m so sorry for everyone on this board also going though a loss.
