My mum has died and I have no one.

Hi everyone.

My mum died almost 3 weeks ago and I’m totally lost. She was only diagnosed about 6 weeks before she died. She had extensive small cell lung cancer and when she was diagnosed we knew it was terminal but had no idea it would be so quick. They said they could do palliative chemo which could maybe give her 6 months or so. She only managed 1 round of chemo and died 2 weeks later. She had been unwell for about 4 months before but kept putting off going to the doctors.

When she was in hospital a relative who lives far away came to help me and she has been such a great help with helping getting things organised etc. However after 5 weeks here she will be returning home in 2 days. And I will be all alone. My father died 5 years ago and I have no siblings. Not married and no children. No family at all within a 6 hour drive. It was only ever me and my parents, then just me and my mum for the last 5 years. (I do live alone but visited 4-5 times a week and called daily). I do have friends but I just don’t feel comfortable asking them for help. I only ever asked my mum for help. And now she’s gone.

I also feel so guilty that I could have done more to help her. I admit I didn’t cope well when she was diagnosed and think I tried to be too normal so I worry it looked to her like I didn’t care. (We were never an overly emotional family though) but I wish I’d said more. Let her know how much I loved her etc. I hope she knew even though we never said it to each other through words. Instead of telling her gossip from work I could have told her I loved her. (She used to love hearing gossip!) But I cant change any of that now I know.

This is all just so hard. And I’m so sorry for everyone on this board also going though a loss.

Parents
  • Hi. I'm sorry you have lost your mom. It's one of the hardest things to go through in life.

    I'm still in the early days of losing my mom, and it still hurts a lot. My father died in September (we were estranged) and I have one sibling (who has 3 kids). But we aren't a close family, we get along ok, but don't call very often. When you are a non emotional family, it does make the death process super hard because while my mom was alive - I too kept trying to be normal. I mean, she was in a hospital for 5 months before she passed. She was always going through tests, and she was very anxious about it all. I took her mind off it all, and talked about what she wanted to talk about. Politics. It's what she loved to discuss most!

    At first, I too wished that I'd said more. Was it cold to not have those kodak moments where we profess our love to each other? No. Because every family is different. Someone on this forum mentioned that you have to look at how you were as a whole, throughout your life. You can't base your entire relationship just on those last few weeks/months. Your mom most definitely loved hearing the gossip - even if now that feels wrong! You probably made her laugh! That's what she needed most. She knew you loved her. Actions speak louder than words. 

Reply
  • Hi. I'm sorry you have lost your mom. It's one of the hardest things to go through in life.

    I'm still in the early days of losing my mom, and it still hurts a lot. My father died in September (we were estranged) and I have one sibling (who has 3 kids). But we aren't a close family, we get along ok, but don't call very often. When you are a non emotional family, it does make the death process super hard because while my mom was alive - I too kept trying to be normal. I mean, she was in a hospital for 5 months before she passed. She was always going through tests, and she was very anxious about it all. I took her mind off it all, and talked about what she wanted to talk about. Politics. It's what she loved to discuss most!

    At first, I too wished that I'd said more. Was it cold to not have those kodak moments where we profess our love to each other? No. Because every family is different. Someone on this forum mentioned that you have to look at how you were as a whole, throughout your life. You can't base your entire relationship just on those last few weeks/months. Your mom most definitely loved hearing the gossip - even if now that feels wrong! You probably made her laugh! That's what she needed most. She knew you loved her. Actions speak louder than words. 

Children
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