My mum has died and I have no one.

Hi everyone.

My mum died almost 3 weeks ago and I’m totally lost. She was only diagnosed about 6 weeks before she died. She had extensive small cell lung cancer and when she was diagnosed we knew it was terminal but had no idea it would be so quick. They said they could do palliative chemo which could maybe give her 6 months or so. She only managed 1 round of chemo and died 2 weeks later. She had been unwell for about 4 months before but kept putting off going to the doctors.

When she was in hospital a relative who lives far away came to help me and she has been such a great help with helping getting things organised etc. However after 5 weeks here she will be returning home in 2 days. And I will be all alone. My father died 5 years ago and I have no siblings. Not married and no children. No family at all within a 6 hour drive. It was only ever me and my parents, then just me and my mum for the last 5 years. (I do live alone but visited 4-5 times a week and called daily). I do have friends but I just don’t feel comfortable asking them for help. I only ever asked my mum for help. And now she’s gone.

I also feel so guilty that I could have done more to help her. I admit I didn’t cope well when she was diagnosed and think I tried to be too normal so I worry it looked to her like I didn’t care. (We were never an overly emotional family though) but I wish I’d said more. Let her know how much I loved her etc. I hope she knew even though we never said it to each other through words. Instead of telling her gossip from work I could have told her I loved her. (She used to love hearing gossip!) But I cant change any of that now I know.

This is all just so hard. And I’m so sorry for everyone on this board also going though a loss.

Parents
  • Hello again, Mrs Marvel. Sorry that your mum has now died.  Am I right in thinking this is your sister-in-law who came to help with your mum and has stayed on, bless her.  I can understand that you will feel at a loss when she has gone.  I think it might be a good idea if you kept in regular contact with your friends; now that you are on your own you - being human as we all are - need to have someone with whom you can discuss your thoughts and feelings - I bet you would do the same for them if the circumstances were reversed.  Previous to your mum becoming ill they probably thought that you were a nice little unit who took care of each other but now that your mum has gone you should try just talking to them generally about what you have been through.  When you feel able, Chrissie's suggestion of doing a bit of volunteering for MacMillan is a good one; it will be hard but not hard as your life will be if you feel left on your own with nobody to talk with.  You might find it helps to make a start by reading posts  here and chatting with the senders as you will understand what they are going through.    It will take time but it starts with small steps.  Please keep in touch if this helps you.  Annie

Reply
  • Hello again, Mrs Marvel. Sorry that your mum has now died.  Am I right in thinking this is your sister-in-law who came to help with your mum and has stayed on, bless her.  I can understand that you will feel at a loss when she has gone.  I think it might be a good idea if you kept in regular contact with your friends; now that you are on your own you - being human as we all are - need to have someone with whom you can discuss your thoughts and feelings - I bet you would do the same for them if the circumstances were reversed.  Previous to your mum becoming ill they probably thought that you were a nice little unit who took care of each other but now that your mum has gone you should try just talking to them generally about what you have been through.  When you feel able, Chrissie's suggestion of doing a bit of volunteering for MacMillan is a good one; it will be hard but not hard as your life will be if you feel left on your own with nobody to talk with.  You might find it helps to make a start by reading posts  here and chatting with the senders as you will understand what they are going through.    It will take time but it starts with small steps.  Please keep in touch if this helps you.  Annie

Children
No Data