Hi

This is my first time here. I’m really struggling. My mum died last July. She had fought cancer for ten years and we thought she was doing well. Then she started to struggle with her sight and they realised it had moved to her brain, The end was horrible. I can’t get it out of my head. I held her hand. I’m on my own. My daughter is 

rightly getting on with her life. But I’m lying here in the dark feeling so very low and not knowing how to stop the pain. I can’t think what the point is any more. 

X

It’s so so hard. But, we must accept that all of us will die. But, losing my mum is the hardest thing ever. I’m a social worker and have to deal with loss every day but, nothing compares to this. X

I also lost my beautiful mum to bone and lung cancer March 2019, mum became ill so sudden and stayed strong but it was not long before she grew her wings and learned to fly, those few weeks were so sudden and unknown,  I only ever had my mum in my life and I understand every comment I have read on this wonderful site, I guess I was more than lucky to have my mum in my life for those 45 years, it was my birthday in December and mum gave me a hand made card with two verses she had penned herself, I treasure my last birthday card , I cry most days as I'm finding the void to much, my mum was my world and still is, I talk to mum most nights and still try to understand why after the beautiful loving person mum was? I now walk this world alone when I do manage to leave my home which isn't often, I have brothers and a sister but that connection has never really been there, I'm lost now, I'm trying to continue but it's to much, I never thought this day would be so soon, we had great times and our own ways of creating fun and laughs, I love my mum so much I truly do, my partner didn't understand the hurt I felt and unfortunately I did end the relationship so life has become somewhat lonely without him but mum said at the time I had made the correct choice she always knew these details strangley enough ha ha, my heart goes out to all the comments on this site I've read such beautiful words,  kindness and caring , my tears became rivers but I continue to pull myself through each day still broken but I try so hard, I really miss my mum truly I do, my heart goes out to all of you and I wish you much love and kind thoughts. Thank-you for reading my words it helps me a lot as I also type these words so mum can read them an always be aware I'm still here for her and not a day goes by were I don't talk and tell her I love her deeply. Will say goodnight and God bless for now. Love you mum. Xxx

I also lost my Mum on 1 March and I miss her every day. I was extremely close to her and can't get the image of her in those final weeks out of my head. She kept saying I just want to get better which breaks my heart as we all knew that wasn't possible. It's just not fair that this disease takes so many. I'm even thinking of having a spiritual reading to see if I can connect with Mum. I think this might help. Has anyone else had experience of this?

I feel for everyone on here that is going through this. I'm just so very sad and wish for one more day with my lovely mum xx

It’s been over a year since I lost my mum and I remember how it felt and your words bring back memories. Mum died suddenly of a haemorrhage so even though she was ill, we always hoped they would find a cure and there had been no terminal diagnosis so it was a hellish shock. After weeks of panic attacks and crying every day I slowly realised I was doing mum a disservice remembering her as she was ill / passed away rather than remembering the full of life formidable woman she was. 

Unfortunately it takes time and it is so unbelievably painful and still the image presents itself completely out of the blue, like yesterday in Asda and you feel like you’ve been punched all over again. But it does get easier in time. You’ll get stronger and you’ll live your life again, like she would want you to.

sending hugs

xxx

So sorry to hear that you are having a hard time after losing your Mum.  I lost mine a month ago and know exactly how you feel.... lost doesn’t even describe it.... you have to be strong, your Mum would want you to be z

A month is no time at all. My heart goes out to you. You’re absolutely right - I think mum would want me to be strong. I just don’t think I realised how much she underpinned everything. Someone else put something about feeling they’d lost their moorings and that’s exactly how I feel. Like I’m just floating. Existing. Not living. 

I tnoyght I was a strong woman. Clearly I’m not x

i lost my mum nine weeks ago and its killing me , the day she died i think she new although she was so confused she told me, and they came in at 3.45 on the tuesday put her a syringe driver on 20 mins later she was gone but its haunting me beacause i didnt know right at that second she was dying right then i just saw her pupils were very large and i panicked,beacause she was so sedated i didnt know how could i have not known, its killing me and i didnt hold her tell her i loved her i freaked out , im so sorry mummy .

No matter how strong you are or think you are nothing prepares you for losing your Mum...... 

Hold those happy memories close to you and try your hardest to remember her with a smile, as she would want you too.... that’s how I am getting through my days xx