Grief after losing my mum

In June this year my mum passed away, 10 months after her diagnosis. We were extremely close, I lived with them until last year, we went on holidays all the time, we were best friends, I told her everything and she was my rock. It has now been 2-3 months and I can't face my grief. I feel pain and I think about her all day every day. When I think about it I feel like I'm suffocating and in the run up to her passing I was having panic attacks. Now I can't seem to cry? And I don't understand why? When I do feel everything it feels horrific. I just cannot understand it as she was the nicest sweetest person in the world and did so much for everyone. I am only 30 years old and she was only 59 and I feel that we, and more importantly she, has been completely robbed. I can't get over it but I also can't cry and want to know how others felt after the death of someone they loved with all their heart? How do you cope with the suffering? Both what you feel now and how you saw them at the end? She was my favourite person in the world.

  • Thanks sara 

     

    I'm the same. I go to work because I have to. I do the washing, gardening, cleaning, food shopping because I have to.

    Nothing gives me joy (apart from my precious partner and daughter) and I'm drifting through my days on auto pilot.

    Mum was such a massive part of our day to day life. I didn't even think of her as old. I thought she had many more years in front of her.

    Life is awful and rubbish and there are so many of us suffering.

    Cheryl x

  • Thats so how i feel as well Cheryl, for the first time in years I look forward to coming to work, people try and help and say nice things but unless you have been though this they would never understand.

     

    I am glad you have a partner there to support you, bet that helps having him around, as everyone keeps telling me it will  take time and give mysefl a chance to grief (easier said that done) x

     

  • Sara

    Having a partner is lovely but I still feel very much alone alot of the time. Me and mum were joined at the hip and so close. Neither my partner or daughter fully understand the loss or the need I have to isolate myself and be on my own at times.

    Having no parents left has had a very detrimental effect on me, my life, my health and my outlook.

    Cheryl x

  • I wish I could help you, if you need anything please just ask x

  • Hi grief realy is such a personal thing we deal with it so difrently and think we should feel this and that because  the way the media shows it .but trust me its not like that at all .your probably enotionaly exhausted its such a short time and its a lonely road but this pain your in dosnt last forever we feel if we let go of the pain its letting go of a loved but its not . Allso our minds are amazing it can numbe you to protect you people sometimes think there forgetting but but your not the memories come back. Theres a  post on here from  sarapine 8 about sighns after loss maybe have a look its a great post and you may find it comforting .as to the crying or not crying its itrmal for you if you havnt had counciling give your local hospice a call they do it the best but it hurts at first and people give up but if you persivier it can realy help .. a silly saying one day at a time but its true.theres the samartians and your dad if he is still around .keep talking its its best .paul

  • I can relate to everything each of you are saying. The heartbreak is at times all consuming. Suddenly becoming 'head of the family' as such is something I cant get my head around. I went to my mum and dads today after a few weeks of not being able to face it. We haven't touched anything in the house since they passed and it feels like they have just popped to the shops. I think all the time there was funeral preparations to make I felt like I had purpose, we held a joint funeral which is how they would have wanted it but afterwards there is nothing, just emptiness. I'm sure people think I should have pulled myself together by now but I can't. My husband and daughter are great but I feel like I want to lock myself away and scream. I am so very sorry for each and every one of you that has lost a parent and reading your stories has made me realise that maybe I'm not as on my own as I think I am and that a lot of the feelings and anger I have is a normal part of grieving. Thank you.

  • Hi leam

    I can not even imagine how you feel losing both parents so close together, I have always known my Dad as a strong person thought out my life but since my Mum died have seen such a different side to him, I am trying my hardest to be strong for him but breaking myself inside, please don't ever feel alone, as there are so many people on here that do understand and have been though the same as we all have. 
     
    If you ever feel alone or want a chat, please just message me, anyone on here that feels the same please, some times sharing the way you feel with others that are going through the same helps! X

     

     

  • Thank you so much, everyone has been so kind even when you are all going through the same grief, it's humbling. In the four days after mum died I felt cross with my dad and I worry that he knew it although I tried to hide it. I had been with mum and dad all day as I had been for the three years since mum was diagnosed but mum passed in the early hours of the morning with just dad there, it is how she would have wanted it. I know I'm being selfish and unreasonable but I was hurt that my dad telephoned my brother and sister but he let the neighbour ring me to tell me mum had gone. I felt so hurt by this and I'm worried that dad knew I was upset with him. I keep replaying those four days over and over trying to find answers. 

  • Trust me, your Dad would off understood it wasn't personally to him just your grief talking, don't feel guilty as you have enough to deal with, your mum and dad where lucky to have you there though it all.

     

    i was by my mums side when she died and trust me, you wouldn't off wanted to see that as I can't get that out off my head, remember your mum how she was!!! X