Hi Chrissie. It sounds so nice to take a teddy bear and letter and give to your mother. I'm confident the undertaker will have done excellent work. Your mum will I'm sure look completely at peace. It's your choice of course but I was so pleased that I visited my lovely partner Joan in the Chapel of Rest. She was Joan and looked like Joan without pain or a line on her face.

Mark

Thank you, I think I will regret it if I don't. 

I just really hope she looks like my mum and doesn't make things worse by seeing her. 

My head is all over the place and finding it so hard to make a decision. Even stupid things like if I want a cup of tea are impossible! 

Thanks for your support x

Thank you Mark, I think I will go. 

Even if it's just for a couple of minutes. I don't want to regret it in a few months time. 

Its such a hard decision and one I have never thought about before. 

I am glad your visit to Joan was positive. 

Thsnks agaian x

Hello Chrissie

I am so sorry to hear about your mum... My husband Andy passed away on 17th July - I was with him when he died at home, in his own bed, after his brave fight with that awful thing :( I did go and visit him 3 times in the chapel or rest before the funeral, each time on my own. It didn't feel weird, or wrong. But I have to say that he didn't look like Andy either. He looked very peaceful and his face was pain free, but still, he just didn't look like him. In a way, this made me feel a lot better, just because if it didn't look like him, well that's because it wasn't really him was it? It was just his body, a shell... Andy was not in the chapel of rest you see, I believe he is with me at all time now. 

I had the exact same feeling when I went to see my dad when he passed away 4 years ago - it just didn't look like him at all. Same thing - that's because it just wasn't him, if you see what I mean.

I hope you get some positive from visiting your mum (or not, whatever you decide to do). Just take your time - only you know how you feel about it. 

Sending you lots of courage xx

I lost my closest friend in the whole world and had been for over 25yrs, on the 1st Aug 2019 after her long 4 and half year battle with cancer. Even though it was still sudden and totally rocked my world!!! I’ve been in bits since and unable to believe she is gone so I decided I had to see her before funeral tomorrow. I’ve just got back from the chapel of rest and Iam so glad I went. It was an intimate goodbye as well as helping me come to terms that she is really gone, don’t get me wrong it broke my heart into a million pieces and it also didn’t look like the crazy fun loving lady I always new but it was her and it did help me to say goodbye in my own way and know she isn’t in that body anymore so she has to have gone somewhere hopefully somewhere better where she isn’t in pain anymore xxx

Hello elsbelsxxx,

I am sure it was a traumatic visit seeing your friend. I don't think you will regret it having a last chance seeing them.

I did see my wife in the chapel of rest and although it was very upsetting I am glad I went to say my goodbyes.

I hope the funeral went as well as it could.

Did you go and see your mum? 
my mum passed last Monday and now I am in the same position as you- I don't know whether to go and see my mum in the chapel of rest or not - I'm scared she won't look like her and once I've seen her I can't unsee her. 
I miss her so much and I'm in such denial I'm so scared 

I'm still very much in denial. I can't accept she's gone.

im just waiting for her to call me or turn up at my door. 
I miss her hugs and voice - I want her to promise me everything will be ok x 

does the pain lessen?

I want to know she's somewhere and not no where if that makes sense- I'm waiting for a sign or call telling me she arrived safely 

Hi Jade,

I am sorry for the loss of your Mum, my Mum passed away in May and like you I am still in denial I think. We lived together and I still feel she is coming home at some point because her bedroom is still the same and her side table in the living room still has her glasses case on it along with her other items. I am devastated by the last few months of memories I have especially the last week in hospital, traumatic is putting it mildly. She was my world. How do we carry on without them? But we do because we have to and they would want us to. Your message where you say "I miss her hugs and voice - I want her to promise me everything will be ok" that really struck me because I feel this too. Everything that has happened in my mind life, all the bad things, even if Mum couldn't stop them happening she always, always was there for me, supporting me, and that in itself made it eventually acceptable and ok. Now she is gone and I am facing the worse time of my life and the very person I need to talk to, to get a hug, to tell me that I will get through this and it will be ok isn't there, she is gone and I NEED her. Does the pain lessen? Right now I am wondering this too. I think we become 'use' to it over the years perhaps, maybe something in the future will bring a sharp painful memory back and the pain will be like now - raw, unbearable, but perhaps in the future there will be longer periods where the pain is more acceptable, more tolerable. The pain of losing someone we loved beyong anything won't go but having heard from others that have alreadly been through what we are going through now they say they learn to live with the pain, we still hold that grief but we live around it and I guess it becomes part of our life and of who we now are, because I already feel a different person. I always said to my Mum that when one day I would be without her I would never be the same 'Jane' as when she were in my life. There would be a 'Jane' with her and a very different 'Jane' without her. This is true. I am trying to see a future where I live a good, full life like she wished for me with all her heart until we are (hopefully) together again. I have had 1 sign that really I couldn't explain apart from that no other signs yet, I am still hoping for them. I just want to know she is happy and safe somewhere. Thats it.

Jane