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Why do I feel like my mother never existed?

Antoni
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Hey there...

I lost my mom to non-hodgkins lymphoma cancer just over a year ago. This may sound awful but it's almost like my mother never existed. I am having trouble remembering how she was, things we did, good memories etc... somedays I go through the whole day and don't think of her at all. This I feel ashamed about but cannot deny it, this is very surprising to me as I loved my mother very much and we were very close. It's almost like my mind has created a wall to her passing because it's in self protection mode. This is very frustrating for me as I want to remember how she was and want to never forget her.

Has this happened to anyone else? what did you do about it? Is it normal?

God Bless

Antoni x

Parents
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    Hi Antoni, and first of all,  may I  offer my sincere condolences to you.  Your reaction is completely normal........whatever 'normal' might be.  I lost my Mum to cancer in 1997, and I remember feeling just as you are feeling now.  I felt ashamed of myself.........I felt like a freak of nature........I could not understand why I didn't seem to feel any emotions about her death at all.  However, as the years have gone by, I  have started to feel deep pain and grief over losing her.  For many people, we build a wall around ourselves, which you have already mentioned.   It is our way of coping with the pain.......we blot it out of our minds because it is the only way that we can get through the days.  There will come a time when you will be able to think about your Mum and the good times that you shared and you will find that the pain has eased in to a sad kind of acceptance.  You will never completely get over losing your Mum, but give yourself time, and you will find that you have accepted that she has gone, even though you will never stop missing her.  Take care, and once again, I offer my deepest sympathy to you, xx

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    Hi Antoni, and first of all,  may I  offer my sincere condolences to you.  Your reaction is completely normal........whatever 'normal' might be.  I lost my Mum to cancer in 1997, and I remember feeling just as you are feeling now.  I felt ashamed of myself.........I felt like a freak of nature........I could not understand why I didn't seem to feel any emotions about her death at all.  However, as the years have gone by, I  have started to feel deep pain and grief over losing her.  For many people, we build a wall around ourselves, which you have already mentioned.   It is our way of coping with the pain.......we blot it out of our minds because it is the only way that we can get through the days.  There will come a time when you will be able to think about your Mum and the good times that you shared and you will find that the pain has eased in to a sad kind of acceptance.  You will never completely get over losing your Mum, but give yourself time, and you will find that you have accepted that she has gone, even though you will never stop missing her.  Take care, and once again, I offer my deepest sympathy to you, xx

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