Wow I've finally found someone who feels just like myself. I've searched online a d spoken to people but when they hear what I say they don't understand. I lost my mum Oct 2025 to secondary breast cancer a d dementia. I, along with my dad and sister cared for her up until the very end when we moved her into a hospice (it was the right time for us all) she was in there 12hrs and died peacefully surrounded by family. It broke my heart and I was devastated and uncontrollable. I just wanted my mum. I cried a few times after and at the funeral I again was devastated. We had already lost her once to dementia, then to the cancer and then our final goodbye at the funeral. Since the funeral I like yourself have just felt numb and have no connection to my mum whatsoever. It's killing me. My mum was my best friend, my go to person, we were so close and now nothing. I now feel like I've never had a mum. I look at her photos and it's like I'm just looking at a random woman. I can't visualise her in my head, I can't hear her voice. I can talk about things we have done together but the connection is still not there. I have visited her grave everyday since her funeral just hoping to feel something and there's nothing. The rest of my family are feeling something but not me. We recently had Christmas and new year where everyone felt something but for me it felt like any other day. I find myself getting angry with myself because of this. I feel so guilty and insensitive to everything we've been through it's killing me every day. I just want to feel the love I had for her again. 

What have people done to help with this?

Sorry for rambling

Wow I've finally found someone who feels just like myself. I've searched online a d spoken to people but when they hear what I say they don't understand. I lost my mum Oct 2025 to secondary breast cancer a d dementia. I, along with my dad and sister cared for her up until the very end when we moved her into a hospice (it was the right time for us all) she was in there 12hrs and died peacefully surrounded by family. It broke my heart and I was devastated and uncontrollable. I just wanted my mum. I cried a few times after and at the funeral I again was devastated. We had already lost her once to dementia, then to the cancer and then our final goodbye at the funeral. Since the funeral I like yourself have just felt numb and have no connection to my mum whatsoever. It's killing me. My mum was my best friend, my go to person, we were so close and now nothing. I now feel like I've never had a mum. I look at her photos and it's like I'm just looking at a random woman. I can't visualise her in my head, I can't hear her voice. I can talk about things we have done together but the connection is still not there. I have visited her grave everyday since her funeral just hoping to feel something and there's nothing. The rest of my family are feeling something but not me. We recently had Christmas and new year where everyone felt something but for me it felt like any other day. I find myself getting angry with myself because of this. I feel so guilty and insensitive to everything we've been through it's killing me every day. I just want to feel the love I had for her again. 

What have people done to help with this?

Sorry for rambling