Hi Poppy,

I am so sorry to hear that you have felt so low throughout the last five months. We all grieve in different ways and develop different coping strategies with time.

I am glad to hear that you have a holiday booked. Try talking to your partner when you are away. It can be helpful to bare your soul to a loved one at times like this.

If this does not help, have you considered counselling? This can be helpful for some people.

It is not like clicking a light switch, it takes some considerable time to come to terms with the loss of one's mother. You will never forget her, but hopefully you can come to accept your loss with the passage of time.

Birthdays anniversaries and family gatherings are always difficult times, especially when it is still only months since you lost her. What a great pity that she died so young and that she will not be here for your brother's 21st. Try not to let this blight your day. Raise a wee toast to your mum then try your best to enjoy the day. I am sure that she will be with you in spirit.

I hope that your holiday does what your partner is aiming at and allows you to return home more rested and able to deal with the situation better.

Remember, we are always here to support you, so don't forget to come back here when ever you want to.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

thank you for your kind words I don't like to talk to him about it as it brings back bad memories from when he lost his mum but today me my brother and dad went to the beach where we scattered mum and this evening me and my sister let off some ballones for mum with a flower attached I had a pretty yellow tulip yellow was always her favourite colour as she was blind it was the brightest for her x

Hi, I've just lost my mum. I think the things you have done for her (balloon etc) are lovely and I will ask dad if he wants to do them too. I've received so many sympathy cards but the best one said "the greater the love, the greater the loss" which I think sums things up perfectly. I'm willing to feel this rubbish and sad as it meant I got to have a great mum and best friend. You and I have to think of this as the start of a new chapter, where we get to make our mums proud and to achieve and be happy. I'm going to think of something she'd love (like tap dancing) and I'm going to make it my goal to do. Maybe have a focus. What would mum have done for your brothers 21st? Maybe a trip somewhere? If it's not affordable then bring the trip to you. For example Paris, play the music, eat baguettes, have some fun with it. Just ideas and you may not be ready for them yet but knowing we can't change things in the past but we can change the future might help us to move forward. I'm writing this to you in the hope of helping myself too.  Hope you don't mind. Sending you hugs. Xxx

Hi, I'm seeing dad later today so I'll talk to him about the balloons. I think that's such a lovely idea. I hope Monday and Tuesday weren't too hard (I'm sure it was very difficult) I'm wondering if sticking to the old routine is a good idea. I alway do Christmas dinner here. This year there will be an empty space so I'm already thinking that we need to do something different. And I think birthdays may be the same. If mum always cooked your favourite meal then maybe go out instead, have a meal, book the theatre, shake things up a bit. I think that's what I'm going to do. I've also decided to make a list of things that mum would want me to do. Number one is look after myself. Because I can't look after anyone else if I'm ill. Lots of people have told me time is a great healer and I'm hoping they are right. I've re read you original post and I'm so pleased your robin is following you. I'm looking for mum everywhere but I can't seem to find her at the moment. I'm checking this site daily at the moment so if you want to talk I'm happy to listen. Take care Ti xxx

'Grief is the price we pay for love' 

This was part of the Queens speech. I heard it on the tele the other week and thought how true it is. Such a straight forward thing to say, but really hit the nail on the head for me... 

I am so sorry for your loss.my heart breaks for you and your family.I honestly wish I knew what to say to you.my family and I started on this horrifying journey 12 weeks ago.my beautiful mum is dying of terminal lung cancer.we are totally heartbroken, in the not too distant future I will be where you are now and I'm terrified. I cannot imagine life without my mum,my best friend, my heart goes out to you.try to stay strong,my thoughts are with you xxxx

hello wendy12a 

I'm sorry to hear your mum is dying unlike most my mum had a 4/5 year struggle with her terminal cancer so I got to spend a lot of time with her it's really not a nice journey you and your family are going through I did learn make as many memories you can with the time you still have with your mum most of mine are from when mum was in hospital or at home when she was bed bound even just laughing at the radio or our cats my mum use to talk about her funeral and after she died I'm not sure if your mum talks about this whilst it's very heart breaking it really helped my mum to know she had a say in what happened after she past or even in the final stages of her life I'm always here if you need a chat about anything x

Thankyou poppy for getting in touch,if am so very sorry for your loss.my, my heart truly breaks for you.I think you are so brave,I am so happy you got a decent amount of time with your mum to create some special memories, my mum was initially given a couple of weeks and she's still here 12 weeks later she actually feels quite well and surprisingly looks well too,but after been told a couple of days ago they've found something else on her lungs we are in a blind panick and have to wait till Tuesday to hear what we all sadly no what there going to tell us which is another cancer has appeared.like your mum my mum has talked about her funeral arrangements too,I cannot bear to her and it and have to leave the room whenever it's mentioned, I cannot bear thinking about when she's gone I am so scared she is my whole world,you are an inspiration, you really are.stay strong ,my thoughts are with you.hope to chat again soon xxxxxx

Poppy

You will never forget your lovely Mum and can always treasure the times you had together. You have also lost your identity a little as you looked after her so well.

My advice for you is to get involved with helping in some other way such as in a charity shop. You need to be around people. You need to be able to help others as you obviously have a good heart. I belong to The Salvation Army. Seek them out locally. They may offer bereavement care for instance as we do in my Corps where I live. They may have other activities or a charity shop. They will support you. Good luck xx