Thank you Jenn. I really miss my mum but it dies help to know that there are other people out there who are going through the same thing. I will try to speak with my GP but with covid it's so difficult to even get an appointment and I feel uncomfortable talking about this kind of thing on video chat. I've never spoken with Samaratins before but there's always a first time fir everything. Thanks for your advice and take care of yourself. 

I lost my mum eleven years ago and it still hurts like it did the day she died. I cuddled her and kept telling her how much I loved her. She couldn't hear me and I remember her last words "is it the cancer?" I lied and said "no, you just need to fight it mum." It breaks my heart to know I lied but I didn't want her to die knowing that that was what was happening. They switched off the machine keeping her alive. It didn't take long and I cried for ages and ages. I still do and when I speak to others they say the pain never goes away but you will resume normal life. It takes time but you will get there honey. Reading your words brings it all back. My advice is not to dwell on what has gone. You have children, your mum would love to see you happy with them. Work hard at that - the rest will come in time. Trust me, the pain will be there forever but it does get easier to cope. And believe it or not you WILL find happiness again, I promise. Lots of love darling.

Mark.

I lost my mam 5 years ago it do get easy but just got take one day at a time and think of all the good time you had with your mam and remember the person she was as I done it that way and now I just say my self she is not in pain anymore now xx

I know exactly how your feeling .

I lost my mum 13 years ago . I was 22 and she was only 47. It gets easier to get up in the morning and live life but the pain doesn't ease. 
you will stop counting how many days she's been gone and replaying the day she passed or the days beforehand . That will fade and you will be able to remember her in happier times. 
i still break down a lot even now but my mum didn't fight with everything she had to beat cancer for me to give up and that keeps me going ,

you will get to a point where you are able to breathe easier and will wake up one day when it's not the first thing u think of . 

I lost my mam 2 months ago it's the worse thing I been through it happen so quick . Am trying hard but it's to hard . Back to work but struggling  every  day .

Hi Snowflake

I feel this way too. I feel like no one understands the degree of loss I have. My mum was my best friend for decades, at times it felt like she was my only real friend in the world. 

She motivated me as I wanted to make her proud and happy and I wanted to be half the person she was.

Now she's not here I feel empty and see the world differently.

We live by the sea and I used to love the beach etc but now I feel virtually nothing when there.

Almost every time I sleep I have dreams verging on nightmares involving mum.6 months after her death I don't feel I've properly grieved as in denial I'm still kind of waiting for her to come home xx

I feel the same 7 years later just can't cope my mums missing out on so much and it's not fair. She also lived by the sea and although it was our happy place its just not the same with her not there. It feels empty and lonely and if I'm honest makes me feel like I don't want to be there at all. I miss her laugh her smell her advice her babysitting haha I just miss her and it kills my heart and makes feel so shocked that I will never see her again   I can't except it I won't let myself deal with it because I don't want to except she's gone. I'm starting to forget things about her were its been so long and I don't want to forget anything I just want my mum back so much. My health has deteriorated massively iv had 2 spine ops and live off pain killers like they are skittls and I think its all down to stress iv gained 4 stone and just don't have motivation like i used to

XprincessX I am so sorry to read your post and know how much your missing your lovely Mum after 7 years. I am only coming up to 1 year after my Mum's passing and I honestly know time will make no difference to how much I will miss her and need her back in my life. I already know I am living a second best life without her, I am living each day because we have to but nothing is the same, nothing. I don't think time heals as such, maybe for some but not for a lot of us. I can tired of people telling me I will feel better soon. I can't feel 'better' when I don't have my Mum in my life, we shared absolutely everything, my partner and I lived with her. You mentioned your Mum lived near the sea because it was your happy place. My Mum always had dreams of living near the sea but never did and she would love me to eventually live near the sea so thats my hope to do in the future. I feel living in our hometown now just has memories of both my parents and they are no longer here, I just want to move away but right now I can't so I understand how you feel. You obviously had a very close bond with your Mum. I just try to live each day knowing I have to try to find some courage because my Mum showed so much courage herself and she wanted to me to live the best life I could when she was gone, I'm trying so hard to do this but without her I feel lost, completely lost. Mum was my anchor, without her I'm struggling in the wide open sea of living. I think the trauma of losing our loved ones can affect our health massively so I am sorry you have been struggling with your health. Here if you need to talk anytime, take care.