Thank you both for your replies and I hope things get easier for you too. When my mum died, I had a 5 week old baby. My mum desperately wanted to see the baby before she died and she did get to see her but she was too ill to even hold her and didn't have the strength in her arms. Even the photos we took of my mum and baby are not very good as she looks very ill and weak and not how I would like my daughter to remember her grandmother.

I was very ill when I had my daughter, nearly died in the emergency c section and had to spend a month in hospital missing out on precious time with my mother but thankfully I was with her when she died. During that time in hospital, I needed my mum more than anything and it really hit me how alone and cold life is without her. I have a son prior to this baby and my mum helped me bring him up and did everything for him and taught me everything. But for this baby she couldn't do anything. It makes me so sad that my daughter is missing out on so much and my mum cannot pick her up and cuddle her. 

My two kids keep me busy and give me strength to get on with things. But I feel myself breaking down all the time. I just want to talk to mum, ask her advice, hold her and just be in her presence. My husband doesn't really understand and is not very supportive. I think he thinks i should be over it by now but its not something i feel i will ever be over. I have siblings who I can talk to but I feel I am upsetting them more and try to be strong for their sake. I never went a day without seeing mum, how am I meant to go through a lifetime without her? I stay awake for hours in the night thinking and crying. Sometimes I have dreams and wake up thinking she is still alive and want to go to her, then it hits me that she's gone and I breakdown. Time is not making it easier for me, there's more happening that my mum is missing out on like my baby's first words, crawling etc. I can't bear to do birthday parties for my kids as it doesn't feel right coz mum is gone. 

I find it hard going to the graveyard, I breakdown each time I go. I can't believe my mum is there in the ground. Sometimes it feels nice to know she is above me watching over us all and pain-free but I want to reach out and speak to her rather than live this empty life without her.

Thank you both for your replies and I hope things get easier for you too. When my mum died, I had a 5 week old baby. My mum desperately wanted to see the baby before she died and she did get to see her but she was too ill to even hold her and didn't have the strength in her arms. Even the photos we took of my mum and baby are not very good as she looks very ill and weak and not how I would like my daughter to remember her grandmother.

I was very ill when I had my daughter, nearly died in the emergency c section and had to spend a month in hospital missing out on precious time with my mother but thankfully I was with her when she died. During that time in hospital, I needed my mum more than anything and it really hit me how alone and cold life is without her. I have a son prior to this baby and my mum helped me bring him up and did everything for him and taught me everything. But for this baby she couldn't do anything. It makes me so sad that my daughter is missing out on so much and my mum cannot pick her up and cuddle her. 

My two kids keep me busy and give me strength to get on with things. But I feel myself breaking down all the time. I just want to talk to mum, ask her advice, hold her and just be in her presence. My husband doesn't really understand and is not very supportive. I think he thinks i should be over it by now but its not something i feel i will ever be over. I have siblings who I can talk to but I feel I am upsetting them more and try to be strong for their sake. I never went a day without seeing mum, how am I meant to go through a lifetime without her? I stay awake for hours in the night thinking and crying. Sometimes I have dreams and wake up thinking she is still alive and want to go to her, then it hits me that she's gone and I breakdown. Time is not making it easier for me, there's more happening that my mum is missing out on like my baby's first words, crawling etc. I can't bear to do birthday parties for my kids as it doesn't feel right coz mum is gone. 

I find it hard going to the graveyard, I breakdown each time I go. I can't believe my mum is there in the ground. Sometimes it feels nice to know she is above me watching over us all and pain-free but I want to reach out and speak to her rather than live this empty life without her.

Hi, sorry to hear about your pain. No, it doesn't get 'easier', your memories don't fade (which is a good thing) and you still remember the good times as well as the bad. Your emotions are something to embrace. Losing one's parents is a path we all have to walk along at some point and we all will handle it differently. No one can understand exactly how you feel, even those who have lost their mum too. If you want to talk to her, then talk to her, aloud, quietly, however you want.

Things are actually as they were before your mum died, except you now have large amounts of wisdom you didn't have before. You have a family to be the best mum ever to. A family who also, will remember you as the fantastic mum that you are! Your life is far from empty what with all the commotion having a young family entails! Wrap yourself in your children and you'll find lots of love in them - do it now before they become grotty teens!

Make sure you're eating healthily even when you don't feel like eating (super important!) and doing some sort of exercise. This will help your body to help you.Spend time with friends / family to keep your social life active and to help ground you - seek out positive people to have fun times with, but also who appreciate you for who you are. Maybe join a club to meet new people. Don't feel guilty if you find yourself not thinking about your mum .

It sounds as if you and your mum had a very close and loving relationship - a special mum/daughter bond that will never be replaced and signals another step forward along your life path that you have to take. You wrote about the trouble and pain you suffered after having your last child and that you braved through it. Clearly you can deal with more than you actually realise!

Also, one thing which is really interesting to me: there's a branch of science (quantum physics) which calculates that there may be an infinite amout of parallel worlds filled with all of us where every possible difference exists - and stephan hawkings believes in this. e.g. did you put on a blue jumper today? Well in another parallel world, you actually put on a different coloured top. Did you rush to the shop to get some milk? In another parallel world, you rushed, tripped and fell in a muddy puddle! And because there are so many parallel universes, that means there are many, many of them that still have your mum in them, and she's still spreading her love to you and everyone else. So that's something to be happy about!

I find it hard with the first milestones. My little one is 18 months now and Im so grateful my mum got nearly months with him. Like u I saw my mum every day . I dreamt once that she phoned me it felt so real as if I heard her voice. X

I wish I could have a dream like that and where she guides me or speaks to me. Most of my dreams are about going to the hospital with her for tests and they tell me she's going to be OK.  I wake up so excited and full of hope only for my world to crash down again to realise that she's already gone 

Thank you for your comforting words, they mean alot. Everyday just feels dark and empty. I know I should be thankful for my children but I want to share the time with my mother and feel it has been cruelly taken away from me

My mum died 5 weeks ago and I’m struggling to get on with life without her. She had been unwell but died suddenly when I was home to see her in Ireland for A holiday.( I live in Scotland) 

I tried to return to work after 3 weeks ( two weeks holiday and one week bereavement leave) I did full days and then it hit me like a truck that my mum was gone for ever. I keep wanting to pick up the phone to talk to her and almost forgetting for one blissful moment. I was signed off work for two weeks and was due to return to work today but couldn’t do it as I can’t stop crying. When I do sleep I have flashbacks and nightmares about my brother and sister dying in various ways. The hardest part is being away from my family as they are all together in Ireland but I’m alone here ( I have great friends but it’s not the same)  it’s comforting to hear from other people going through the same emotional journey , knowing that I’m not alone 

thanks for listening 

Thank you for this compassionate and healing post.  Einstein said that energy cannot be halted but goes on and on, like ripples. I shall think of your post and use it as a source of support. God bless you. Love and Peace...

Hi snowflake 

I was reading your story and it sounds so much what I’m going through now. I lost my mom one month ago.. pancreatic cancer she died after 10 days from diagnosis . She was my everything and Cabot accept she is not with us anymore . My first son was brought up by her.. she was more than a mother to him but unfortunately she didn’t get to enjoy my daughter.. and like you I wish I could call and tell her she is now crawling.. talking etc..

i wish I could see, touch her again .. 

im sorry if this post brought you back to difficult times..but I’m in so much pain and knowing people went through similar experience kind of helps .

Hi to anyone out there

i lost my mum not so long ago in April this year

i was heart broken as I was one of the youngest in my family... I was close to my mum I had also lost my dad some 14 years ago I was pregnant at the time with my first child but fortunately lost it as wrong time wrong place and all that.but soon after I beacons pregnant and happy with my daughter she make me happy and smile everyday. 

Yes you could say I’m orphan no parents I find it hard to get up every morning one step forward two steps back and yes I can’t sleep at nights but I don’t want to go to doctors as they will only give me tablets which I don’t want I rather go healthy options.

when does this feels pass when I lost my dad it was hurtful but I guess cause I had my mum it wasn’t sooo bad. But now no one please help me how can I move forward 

p

Hi bottoms,

Sorry to hear about your mum dying and your dad a bit longer ago.

Have you always felt like this since your mum or are the feelings of grief getting worse?

My mum died suddenly 16 weeks ago and I am struggling terribly. My dad also died 21 years ago so I have lost them both and also an adult orphan.

I also have a 12 year old daughter who keeps me going.

I have recently started counselling and am on a waiting list for CBT.

Is this an option for you? I don't know if its going to help yet but am willing to the everything as I am so sad all the time and have no interest in anything.

Like you, i was devastated when my dad died but because i had my mum and we supported each other, we got through it. Now that mum has also gone i feel like i am grieving for them both.

Crying whenever i want to has helped, so has talking about her alot.

Let us know how you get on.

Cheryl x