So sorry your about your loss

Someone you love has gone and the world just goes on turning while yours has stopped and you feel lost 

Someone told me losing your mum is the last bit of growing up we do 

please seek help bereavement counseling 

really will help you to deal with your feelings

and let you know it's normal to feel the way you do 

people automatically tell you about their loses 

instead of listening to you or say stupid things like their not suffering now but

Your mum would want you to be happy and 

not mourn her at the cost of your family 

see you gp and try the counseling 

sending you love ️ 

The huge emptiness.

My Mum died in late Sept this year...

She went in to hospital for a different problem in Sept and they did scans and found out her breast cancer had returned and was now in Liver, Lungs, Bones etc.... They said she had three months.  She passed away 14 days after that.

I didn't get to say all the things I so desperately wanted to say.  I didn't get to tell her a million more times how much I love her. I know she knew I loved her.

But I feel she would be peeved at me for taking her to the hospital to start with as she didn't want to go and I told a porkie - I said the doctor said to go - I didn't tell her that I sent him a secret note about her problems..... I feel so guilty. I feel in many ways if she had stayed at home and just passed away without the in-the-middle couple of weeks in the hospital, where the nurses were ignoring her when she spoke, and she was not happy at all.  In my head at that time they would just fix the first problem, and things would go back to normal. I am still reeling from the fact that it all changed from a relatively simple-ish problem to what it ended up being.

I feel so desperately alone, and I want that phone to ring like it always did at certain times of the day.  

So many things I need to say to her, the void left behind is a chasm that I do not believe I will ever get past. 

I know that it takes time and at this moment I am just plodding through every day in a haze as there is so much to do with the house and stuff.  I am grateful that she is not suffering. I am grateful that she did not have to go through what she would have hated for three months, as she always said 'When I can't wipe my own a*se I want out' 

I am glad she did not have to go through months of agony.

I feel selfish in some ways wishing her back because she is in no pain now.  I am so grateful that I had her for as long as I did. I am so very grateful that I was given the gift of her as my Mum as she was the most wonderful person and this world was a better place with her in it. She was my rock. She held me up and was always there to talk sense to me.  

Nobody else around me is falling apart. Just me.  I know I was the closest to her. Every day was about making sure all was OK for my Mum - I did everything  she needed to make sure her life was easier, so she could remain in her home and just do what she wanted to do.  We were a kind a double act - We were very close.  

It still feels like I am in some kind of bad dream and I will wake up in a moment - I so much want to wake up from this.  I know it's not a dream, but - I guess I am just in shock as things changed so fast and my mind just cannot take it in - Or doesn't want to take it in.

I miss her so desperately, and I feel so alone.

I need a delivery of industrial quantities of tissues.

I have no friends near here.  Just one friend who I talk to online as she lives a ways away, but I see no humans who knew her whom I can talk to, except my kids.

I just feel so alone I guess, hence finding this site whilst googling how to cope with life after losing her.  This huge emptiness is so hard to bear.  We used to speak multiple times a day on the phone. And now the phone is silent.

The Void is a very dark, lonely, empty place

Morning sue,

Apart from couple of details, I could have written your post. My mum went into hospital for a routine op under local anaesthetic to remove a blockage in her carotid artery. I forced the hospital to give her the surgery threatening all sorts. They had already cancelled the op once and I knew that mum was a massive stroke risk without the op. Mum had a brain hemorrhage 15 minutes into the recovery room and died the following day. She was only in for a routine op!

Mum and I were so close and also a double act. I am completely lost without her and the shock of her sudden death has had an awful effect on my health.

Nearly 5 months down the line I am honestly still in shock. I have a 12 year old daughter and a loving partner but still manage to feel very alone alot of the time.

I know that I am changed forever and will never be the same person. I feel that life will forever have had its light switched off without my mum to share it with.

You are not alone sue but somehow we have to get through this.

Sending my love.

Cheryl x 

Morning sue,

Apart from couple of details, I could have written your post. My mum went into hospital for a routine op under local anaesthetic to remove a blockage in her carotid artery. I forced the hospital to give her the surgery threatening all sorts. They had already cancelled the op once and I knew that mum was a massive stroke risk without the op. Mum had a brain hemorrhage 15 minutes into the recovery room and died the following day. She was only in for a routine op!

Mum and I were so close and also a double act. I am completely lost without her and the shock of her sudden death has had an awful effect on my health.

Nearly 5 months down the line I am honestly still in shock. I have a 12 year old daughter and a loving partner but still manage to feel very alone alot of the time.

I know that I am changed forever and will never be the same person. I feel that life will forever have had its light switched off without my mum to share it with.

You are not alone sue but somehow we have to get through this.

Sending my love.

Cheryl x