I am also Sussex...Quite upsetting not being able to do anything! :/ Do you think the moderators would know what to do?...............Jes has been on daily and said she would keep in touch then nothing after that desperate post last night! :(

Sorry to have worried you all ... just in so much pain I really can't handle it 

I set myself the task of trying to recite all of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets the other night .... that certainly took some thinking ... heavens I didn't realise he'd done so much.  I'm not a fan of teas and relaxation techniques ... I tried them a few years ago ..... I need something something punchier ... with the lighter evenings I may take up jogging (yuck) ... something has to work as I am working a 9 hour day at the mmoment on about 3 hours sleep a night ... 

That's fair enough....You have to be receptive for them to work. Good luck with the jogging! :)

Still so so crappie. ... only having few hours sleep last week or so I got the psychiatrist appointment(finally after waiting 9 weeks )   it's in 2 weeks time ..... my doctor has offered depression pills again or sleeping pills but I really can't take them ... the herbal pills I had quest life make my anxiety worse so gonna try that St John's wart as few people have said it now .... just struggling so bad .... crying doesn't stop .... but I am trying xx 

Hi Jes.....Well it's worth trying but unfortunately you are just gonna have to ride it out I think. These early days are just about trying to look after yourself as best you can and trying to manage your grief to an acceptable level so as to get through each day. St Johns wort can maybe help you relax a little but is more beneficial for people coping with general depression.....Grief is more than a chemical imbalance. Have you looked into doing some voluntary/charity help somewhere? Sometimes taking your mind off your own problems and helping others with theirs can help. I am a volunteer for The Cinnamon trust and am signed up to help people who are elderly, housebound or terminally ill look after their pets. So far I have only walked 2 standard poodles for an elderly lady near me and it mostly entails dog walking ---gets you out in the fresh air with a purpose ----but sometimes it could be mucking out various animals/birds. Look them up if you are interested....you basically tell them what you are able to do then they call if they need you....you can decide to do as much or as little as you can cope with. (you have to fill a form and have referees/references) Anyway just one idea as I know there are many charities and good causes crying out for volunteers. Hope you get through today a bit better than yesterday. C.xx 

Hi Jesxx,

Feel crap too  , Mothers day tomorrow, Noone's asked me to go around anywhere. Taking some flowers , then put some on  for my gran, for mum. Then good cry.Miss her talking,

Trouble the first months the pains so intense. You dont feel like doing much, you just keep looking to find way back the life you had...  Then sreaming inside.... holding on is the key.... what would they say if you didn't?..... is what i'm thinking.... plus this trip in life is so sh..!!

Yeah i have looked into doing something  even voluntary  work but found it a struggle to even get there and speak with the woman who owns the shop. .. ended up breaking down for hours. .. hard to wake up and be OK. . And sleep isnot happening much but I'm trying still ...

It's is so s**t had an awful weekend my daughter who is 13 decided to go with her dad from Friday till today and nearly called police as she refused to come home and her dad refused to cooperate. .. she see me for few hiurs yesterday' and left that broke me again ... and tomorrow gonna be hard I'm meeting with my tonys consultant  to speak about my tony passing as need answers my counsellor  suggested it as we still are not clear what the hell happened ... dreading it ...

So sorry you having bad time too xx sending love 

I'm afraid your daughter will not understand your grief and will not want to be around you when you are like this. It may seem cruel but it is very difficult to understand such strong grief if you have not experienced it yourself....Our kids are scared by seeing us lose control because they rely on us to gide them through a difficult world! Your ex most likely doesn't understand how you are grieving so hard for Tony when he had only been back in your life for such a short time....Again I can understand how people will have that opinion. I maybe only understand to some extent due to my own experiencs grieving for my mum. She left me at a police station about 4yrs old.....I saw her twice between the ages of 7 and 14 then she was killed suddenly 4 days before my 15th Birthday! I struggled to understand the loss of a mother who was barely in my life....she gave me nothing but life and a name then neglected and abandoned me....and yet my heart broke! I had spent most of my childhood grieving for being without a mum and now there was no chance I ever could have one. It took me many years to understand that I was grieving for what I had missed which is as powerful as any loss! So all I can say is be patient with your daughter and remember she has now lost her 'happy mum' and is scared she may never get you back. At 13 she may seem grown up but believe me she is still a little girl inside who needs her Mum to be strong. You gotta do that or risk losing her. Harsh words but reality I'm afraid. :( I wish I could send you some strength in the post but it has to come from inside you.....You have a choice - however hard it may be it is your choice to get up and brave the day ir bury yourself in your grief. Wishing you every ounce of luck for the ride ahead. <3 xx

Sorry about your weekend. I took flowers to mum's grave on the Sunday. Girlfriend didn't ask me round so had a trip to my uncle. Lonely day thinking about last mothers day.

I hope day with the consultant wont be too painful.  I hope you find answers. I was worried about tablets mum was on, so did see the GP for a chat.  

Hi cfeast I sat down for hours and had a good talk with my daughter .... hopefully  I got somewhere got her home so slowly slowly with her. ..

Today was painful going to hospital  to discuss tony ... so hard but it's done ...

Just need everything  else to slow down as Feels.like it was all getting out of control and I coupons do anything  to sort it ... fingers crossed it all slows down now 

Hi cfeast I sat down for hours and had a good talk with my daughter .... hopefully  I got somewhere got her home so slowly slowly with her. ..

Today was painful going to hospital  to discuss tony ... so hard but it's done ...

Just need everything  else to slow down as Feels.like it was all getting out of control and I coupons do anything  to sort it ... fingers crossed it all slows down now