Dear Deggsy

My thoughts are with you and Gill. The greatest comfort at such times is knowing that you were rested by the fact that your loved one was in understanding hands and there is no right or wrong way to be at times like this.  I hope Gill had a peaceful night and that you managed some sleep yourself.. Jules x

Thinking of you Deggsy you wife is some fighter. Hope you can find time to relax even though this is happening at the moment -Diane x 

Thinking of you and Gill Deggsy 

All the Cancer Chat team is thinking of you Deggsy. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk. You've got some great friends here I can see and I hope this brings you a little comfort during these difficult times.

Lucie
 

You're really right about douting your decisions at these times Deggsy.

You get really conflicted when it's so emotional and you get so tired.

Part of me wanted to get it over with and then I felt guilty about thinking that, I re-ran decisions I wish I'd made like wishing I'd called an ambulance a couple of hours earlier even though I know it would have made no difference at all. Should I have called the children earlier while she was more concious?

In the end I realised that all of this was just stuff going on between my ears and didn't really matter and I just needed to put it to one side and get on with dealing with what was going on at the time.

If your and Gill's experience is like mine and Mels, and it sounds as if it is, she won't really be aware of anything much now so whether you're there or not won't make much difference to her.

Sounds like you've done a hell of a lot to make sure she's been well looked after so do what more you can and whatever happens will happen and don't let the guilt monster grab you 

Thanks Graham,

News this morning is that Gill is still with us. I told  her last night that all was well with me and the family and that we were all prepared for her to go, so now she could stop fighting and just find peace. I talked to her for a little while forgetting the nurse had said she would bring me a cup of tea. As I  finished I realised the nurse must have been stood behind me with my tea, tears streaming down her face. That's how wonderful this hospice has been.

Like you, part of me wants to get on, but I know I can't until the time is right. As I have said elsewhere I know what is going to happen after I lose Gill, having  lost a previous partner but in very different circumstances, this has been much harder than suddenly losing someone. It has been made easier by being able to talk to friends who have been there. 

Thanks again,  must get ready to go back to the hospice.

Deggsy

Deggsy your wife has some strength in her to keep holding on after you told her everyone was finally prepared she can finally go. It makes me want to give you a big hug. When i lost my husband i found support helped me a lot as it was very hard to get over death by your self. There's nothing we can do but move on when we have lost a dear family member or our other half. I was with my hubby for 54 years it was hard for a long time and i cried many nights but i got there. And like you said sadly its happened to you before though in different circumstances. Hugs -Diane x

Deggsy

The conversation you had with your wife was similar to the last words I spoke to my husband. A peaceful release for those we love brought a little comfort in the difficult days following the deep loss. Sending hugs and keeping you both in my thoughts. Jules x

Thanks for your posts and hugs virtual or real certainly help.

Well the waiting is over, Gill passed away peacefully this afternoon at 3.20 with me and her daughter by her side, I was able to give her a cuddle as she took her last few breaths and I hope she was aware I was there for her.

Now I will be busy, being practical is my forte, so I will immerse myself in all the arrangements etc.

Will try to keep posting

Deggsy