Hi Deggsy I can completely relate to this

My wife died of primary peritoneal cancer back in October. She was at high risk of ovarian cancer and had had a hysterectomy to prevent this so when she showed up with symptoms but no ovaries it was very confusing for all until PPC was diagnosed!

Amazingly she had few symptoms until the last week - never seemed to be an actual blockage but the best guess seems to be she had a bowel shutdown then an associated infection which she was unable to throw off with a compromised immune system. And yes her last 2 or 3 days were the hardest thing I've ever lived through.

All I can say is be there for her, make sure she's as comfortable as possible and gets the pain relief she needs - ask to talk to the palliative team at the hospital they can help you in this and can explain what it will probably be like to be there when it happens so you know what to expect - I found that took so much of the worry out of it for me.

Don't worry too much now about afterwards - you'll have a lot of grief as so many of us on here have but your friends and familly will help and so will people on here

spend these last days with her well, if you can, try to take her mind off it a bit and be strong for her so she's not worried about what will happen to you when she's gone.

And stay with us on line and we'll see if we can't help you pick up the pieces 

Thanks Graham,

My wife is recieving the very best care that anyone could wish for at our local hospice and the staff are there  for all of  us and as you have said have prepared us all for what is going to happen. What I didn't say was the prognosis of short  weeks was given when she went  into the hospice on christmas eve and here  we  are at the end of Jan. she's a  real fighter. Living with the fact that there is no long term future and trying to make every day  special has been hard and then coming home each night wondering if that will  be the last time I see her, over such a long time causes me to question so many things.

I will keep posting as it does help to keep my emotions in check

Thanks again.

Hi, Degsy, I took on board what you said and my daughter got in touch with my GP.  They had said they sent a letter of referral to the pain clinic at the hospice in December but, apparently they never did.  My daughter contacted the hospice and the upshot is they are coming to visit me next week.    They have also arranged for the district nurse to visit also.  As an interim help she sent a prescription for codeine to my pharmacy. 

Of course, I am not holding my breath I will believe it when I see it..

May I ask Deggsy,is your wife's peritoneal cancer a primary?  Mine has metastacised from endometrial.

I do hope that sheis still peaceful and that you are both coping with a difficult time. x

I'm really glad to hear that they're getting you some proper pain relief Pauline I'm sure they'll sort you out this time.

And Kat the hospice sounds lovely - I thought they were going to get Melanie into one but we just didn't get the time in the end.

Hope things are as good as they can be Deggsy

Firstly Kat, glad to hear you are now getting the help from the hospice. Yes our local hospice although charitable is wonderful and will be even better when the old hospice building is modernised to the standard of the new wing.

Pauline,glad things are progressing, palliative care nurses can be fantastic. Although we cannot fault our GP the palliative care community nurse made a lot of the decisions about medication and on one occasion the GP admitted to learning from her expertise. 

Yes her peritoneal cancer was primary,  they thought it may have started as ovarian, but when they operated they removed her ovaries and they were ok. When it did return it was in  her liver.

As to her condition, she has moved on, I have spent a long time at the hospicè today, spending time with her. As Graham said her breathing pattern has  changed  and now we expect the end soon. I could have stayed overnight but the nurses said knowing my wife she was looking so comfortable that she could go on another day and looking  out for me they suggested I would be better getting a good nights sleep.

Thanks for all your wishes 

Deggsy

Hi Deggsy

Just wanted to let  you know I am thinking of you, your wife and family. We also found the cummunity and palliative care nurses of enormous support and a wealth of knowledge during my hubby's last weeks.Jules x

Just to say Deggsy I am thinking of you all today, take care. G

Hi all,

Thanks for your kind thoughts, home again tonight, wife ( Gill ) is still with us and the nurses say she will do things in "Gill time".

I can come home knowing that the hospice is giving excellent care, a nurse will sit with Gill all night.

As all people who have gone through this will know, you want to be there but at the same time you don't and whatever you do you you will doubt if you made the right choice 

Thinking of you Deggsy

Not a great way to spend Valentine's day eh?

Thinking of you, Deggsy, this is such a very hard time for you.  I wish both you and Gill much peace. x

Gill made it through the night, a real survivor. 

Dear Deggsy

My thoughts are with you and Gill. The greatest comfort at such times is knowing that you were rested by the fact that your loved one was in understanding hands and there is no right or wrong way to be at times like this.  I hope Gill had a peaceful night and that you managed some sleep yourself.. Jules x

Dear Deggsy

My thoughts are with you and Gill. The greatest comfort at such times is knowing that you were rested by the fact that your loved one was in understanding hands and there is no right or wrong way to be at times like this.  I hope Gill had a peaceful night and that you managed some sleep yourself.. Jules x