Dealing with the waiting

My wife was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer in Oct2014 and after struggling with bowel blockages and  having chemo was told that she was clear last July - Aug. She then had respiratory problems, non cancer related,  and had a ct scan t,his was seen by the oncologist  at a follow up who then told us the cancer had returned. Although chemo was started my wife became worse and eventually on christmas eve was admitted to our local wonderful hospice. With no surgery or chemo available and her bowels again blocked she  was given "  short weeks". She has battled on and improved in that her bowels started to work again and managed to celebrate her birthday on the 24th Jan but the future is certain but the timing is not. I am 66, my wife now 63 with 3 grown up children ( late 20s) with their own lives. This time where we all visit daily waiting for the inevitable is one of the hardest things I have ever done. We deal with it day to day as although she is visibly getting weaker and weaker there are good days when we can have conversations and interaction  and days when we are just there holding  her hand.

As I  said this is the hardest time and although I have good friends who try to support it can be very lonely and worrying for the future. 

  • Thank you for your reply Deggsy, we got her into the hospice yesterday and can already see an improvement in her symptoms, she managed to eat an ice lolly for the first time in 2 weeks and looks so restful. They've altered her meds and included a mild sedative as she was becoming quite anxious about constantly being sick, which has contributed to the sleepiness but, as I'm sure you and graham have felt, anything is better than the awful sickness. It's a relief to see her relaxed and the hospice is so lovely, so I suppose its just a case of each day (or hour) at a time now.  I will be thinking of your wife and your family on your similar journey. Kat 

     

  • Hi, Degsy, I took on board what you said and my daughter got in touch with my GP.  They had said they sent a letter of referral to the pain clinic at the hospice in December but, apparently they never did.  My daughter contacted the hospice and the upshot is they are coming to visit me next week.    They have also arranged for the district nurse to visit also.  As an interim help she sent a prescription for codeine to my pharmacy. 

    Of course, I am not holding my breath I will believe it when I see it..

    May I ask Deggsy,is your wife's peritoneal cancer a primary?  Mine has metastacised from endometrial.

    I do hope that sheis still peaceful and that you are both coping with a difficult time. x

  • I'm really glad to hear that they're getting you some proper pain relief Pauline I'm sure they'll sort you out this time.

    And Kat the hospice sounds lovely - I thought they were going to get Melanie into one but we just didn't get the time in the end.

    Hope things are as good as they can be Deggsy

  • Firstly Kat, glad to hear you are now getting the help from the hospice. Yes our local hospice although charitable is wonderful and will be even better when the old hospice building is modernised to the standard of the new wing.

    Pauline,glad things are progressing, palliative care nurses can be fantastic. Although we cannot fault our GP the palliative care community nurse made a lot of the decisions about medication and on one occasion the GP admitted to learning from her expertise. 

    Yes her peritoneal cancer was primary,  they thought it may have started as ovarian, but when they operated they removed her ovaries and they were ok. When it did return it was in  her liver.

    As to her condition, she has moved on, I have spent a long time at the hospicè today, spending time with her. As Graham said her breathing pattern has  changed  and now we expect the end soon. I could have stayed overnight but the nurses said knowing my wife she was looking so comfortable that she could go on another day and looking  out for me they suggested I would be better getting a good nights sleep.

    Thanks for all your wishes 

     

    Deggsy

     

  • Hi Deggsy

    Just wanted to let  you know I am thinking of you, your wife and family. We also found the cummunity and palliative care nurses of enormous support and a wealth of knowledge during my hubby's last weeks.Jules x

  • Just to say Deggsy I am thinking of you all today, take care. G

  • Hi all,

    Thanks for your kind thoughts, home again tonight, wife ( Gill ) is still with us and the nurses say she will do things in "Gill time".

    I can come home knowing that the hospice is giving excellent care, a nurse will sit with Gill all night.

    As all people who have gone through this will know, you want to be there but at the same time you don't and whatever you do you you will doubt if you made the right choice 

  • Thinking of you Deggsy

    Not a great way to spend Valentine's day eh?

  • Thinking of you, Deggsy, this is such a very hard time for you.  I wish both you and Gill much peace. x

  • Gill made it through the night, a real survivor.