Hi Debbie,

Like Jules says,never ever apologise for coming onto this forum for support...you are not alone in your sadness and fear of the future. My sis and friends have all said, oooh how lovely that the nights are getting lighter and the days are sunnier etc and part of me shuts down just aliitle bit more. Kev loved his garden and part of me hates the idea of new buds appearing and birds nesting in the trees again...but then I read Jules brilliant words and it's going to spur me on to make this year the best garden ever....in memory of my beautiful man....the tears are falling again. Actually having a good cry does help me. I seem to feel lighter inside and able to see further forward...small steps Debbie, in your own time.

Like Jules I'm changing some decor around the house...treated myself to some new furniture. M&S had a good discount on and my Sparks points have suddenly tripled! I wish with all my heart that Kev could have seen my purchases, but I'm sure he would have approved.

I had a visit to Durham yesterday with my brother ( Kev used to work at the University there). I found it very emotional walking around the cobbled streets, that I know he would have walked  thousands of times, but I'm glad that I've managed to do it...another achievement!

It's going to be a strange summer. Kev was diagnosed in Feb and died on Aug !st and neither of us realised that last summer was to be his last. I still picture him sitting on his sunlounger enjoying his garden....it is hard!  Sending big hugs to all of you. Together we can help each other....and now I'm going to get sorted, time to watch Happy Valley...ha,ha xxxxxx

Thank you once again Chris G & Peach, I really do appreciate your advice and support.

Hugs to you both - take care 

Debbie xxxx

I feel exactly the same!  cant believe myhusband isnt here.  He died of lung cancer a week ago a few weeks after the diagnosis.  he had COPD but we didnt know he had cancer though he had been losing weight and not eating much since before Christmas.  He kept saying he was dying on his feet but dont call the doctor as he hated the thought of ending up in hospital where he had been with pneumonia a year ago.  The last week at home was terrible and we finally got hospice care as I couldnt cope and then managed to get him admitted to the Hospice.   When he arrived there he became unconcious very quickly though I just managed to hear him whisper " please help me".  It was agonisng .  He wanted water but couldnt swallow.   He was unconscious for 3 nights while I stayed there and then I went in to the garden for a few minutes to phone a friend and came back to sit by him and realised he had stopped breathing.  It was still a shock and I am devastated-- cant stop crying as soon as I am on my own.   We have no family but a good friend has stayed a few nights with me thank goodness. I am not very religious but wonder what on earth is the reason for all this suffering for people with cancer and their loved ones?

I 

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I too wonder how we all are supposed ro muddle through all the suffering and pain, those who have cancer and those of us left devastated with the loss of our loved ones, the enormous holes left in our lives, going on alone without our partners. I had some relatively stable days last week where I could manage some of my grief a little better, but today was a disaster from beginning to end, missing my husband so much and seeing no way further. My husband passed away 7 months ago..it has been a rollercoaster. He died 8 weeks after diagnosis. He seemd perfectly healthy and then such a terrible shock. I so hope you have some support. I am glad to hear your friend stayed with you. I find it hard to be on my own also, I cry a lot. It's really hard. Emotions ambush me and knock me over. Please do keep in touch, it has helped me to feel connected to others here that know what it means to suffer such great loss. I hope it will help you also. Take care

Hi rosmarin, just want to send you a virtual hug as you grieve the loss of your husband. I know from experience how raw and bereft you will be feeling just now but as CG has rightly said there are many here who sadly have understanding of the journey you are now on. I am pleased you have the support of a good friend just now. You will have done everything you could (we all have, though it often does not feel that way)  to be there for your husand and this forum and it's wonderful members are here to  listen when you need to offload. Be kind to  yourself. Jules

Hi rosmarin, just wanted to send you a big virtual hug. I, like all the other wonderful people on this site understand the pain you are going through.My precious hubby died last August and I still feel like I'm living in a dream. I have days when I can laugh and chat with friends and family and other days when just the thought of getting out of bed and starting yet another day seems too much.I used to revisit Kev's last 24hrs over and over in my head, but then realised that I wasn't helping myself or anyone else around me. All I can say is as the weeks,months go by, the tears and raw pain ease alittle. Be gentle with yourself and come and talk with us as often as is needed.... take each day as it comes and include your gorgeous husband in everything you do and feel. I talk to my Kev all the time and ask his opinion on things.I even tell him the  football and rugby results....just because I can! Be kind to yourself my love...XXX

Hi rosmarin

Condolences from all of us at Cancer Chat on the loss of your husband.

I hope that by coming here to talk, you will feel less isolated.

As you can see from the lovely responses you have received, this is a friendly and supportive place where others will understand what you are going through.

Best wishes

Jane

Hi Peach, my husband also passed in august after a short and terrifying decline. I was doing quite well emotionally last week and yesterday it hit me once again, a dark and desperate day, feeling hopeless, sad with so many tears. I was lucky to have family around me and support me...but still..I am hoping today will be better.

You speak to your dear husband, what else, if you are willing to share, gives you some comfort? I find the mornings hard and try to get up as quick as possible to shake the mood..I have also managed not to think about the last hours too much anymore, someone here said rightly, think of the years of happiness instead, that was such a good tip. The trauma of the end is so hard but only a small bit of many beautiful loving years. Please do keep in touch. Take care

Hi Rosmarin,

I am so very sorry for your loss.  Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom, my husband passed away in October.  All I can say is I know what you are going through, the loss is so painful, as is the loneliness  Keep coming on here, there are lots of lovely people who offer comfort and good advice.   

Take care 

Debbie xxxxxx