I feel exactly the same!  cant believe myhusband isnt here.  He died of lung cancer a week ago a few weeks after the diagnosis.  he had COPD but we didnt know he had cancer though he had been losing weight and not eating much since before Christmas.  He kept saying he was dying on his feet but dont call the doctor as he hated the thought of ending up in hospital where he had been with pneumonia a year ago.  The last week at home was terrible and we finally got hospice care as I couldnt cope and then managed to get him admitted to the Hospice.   When he arrived there he became unconcious very quickly though I just managed to hear him whisper " please help me".  It was agonisng .  He wanted water but couldnt swallow.   He was unconscious for 3 nights while I stayed there and then I went in to the garden for a few minutes to phone a friend and came back to sit by him and realised he had stopped breathing.  It was still a shock and I am devastated-- cant stop crying as soon as I am on my own.   We have no family but a good friend has stayed a few nights with me thank goodness. I am not very religious but wonder what on earth is the reason for all this suffering for people with cancer and their loved ones?

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Hi rosmarin, just want to send you a virtual hug as you grieve the loss of your husband. I know from experience how raw and bereft you will be feeling just now but as CG has rightly said there are many here who sadly have understanding of the journey you are now on. I am pleased you have the support of a good friend just now. You will have done everything you could (we all have, though it often does not feel that way)  to be there for your husand and this forum and it's wonderful members are here to  listen when you need to offload. Be kind to  yourself. Jules

Hi rosmarin, just want to send you a virtual hug as you grieve the loss of your husband. I know from experience how raw and bereft you will be feeling just now but as CG has rightly said there are many here who sadly have understanding of the journey you are now on. I am pleased you have the support of a good friend just now. You will have done everything you could (we all have, though it often does not feel that way)  to be there for your husand and this forum and it's wonderful members are here to  listen when you need to offload. Be kind to  yourself. Jules