I feel exactly the same!  cant believe myhusband isnt here.  He died of lung cancer a week ago a few weeks after the diagnosis.  he had COPD but we didnt know he had cancer though he had been losing weight and not eating much since before Christmas.  He kept saying he was dying on his feet but dont call the doctor as he hated the thought of ending up in hospital where he had been with pneumonia a year ago.  The last week at home was terrible and we finally got hospice care as I couldnt cope and then managed to get him admitted to the Hospice.   When he arrived there he became unconcious very quickly though I just managed to hear him whisper " please help me".  It was agonisng .  He wanted water but couldnt swallow.   He was unconscious for 3 nights while I stayed there and then I went in to the garden for a few minutes to phone a friend and came back to sit by him and realised he had stopped breathing.  It was still a shock and I am devastated-- cant stop crying as soon as I am on my own.   We have no family but a good friend has stayed a few nights with me thank goodness. I am not very religious but wonder what on earth is the reason for all this suffering for people with cancer and their loved ones?

I 

Hi rosmarin, just wanted to send you a big virtual hug. I, like all the other wonderful people on this site understand the pain you are going through.My precious hubby died last August and I still feel like I'm living in a dream. I have days when I can laugh and chat with friends and family and other days when just the thought of getting out of bed and starting yet another day seems too much.I used to revisit Kev's last 24hrs over and over in my head, but then realised that I wasn't helping myself or anyone else around me. All I can say is as the weeks,months go by, the tears and raw pain ease alittle. Be gentle with yourself and come and talk with us as often as is needed.... take each day as it comes and include your gorgeous husband in everything you do and feel. I talk to my Kev all the time and ask his opinion on things.I even tell him the  football and rugby results....just because I can! Be kind to yourself my love...XXX

Hi rosmarin

Condolences from all of us at Cancer Chat on the loss of your husband.

I hope that by coming here to talk, you will feel less isolated.

As you can see from the lovely responses you have received, this is a friendly and supportive place where others will understand what you are going through.

Best wishes

Jane

Hi rosmarin

Condolences from all of us at Cancer Chat on the loss of your husband.

I hope that by coming here to talk, you will feel less isolated.

As you can see from the lovely responses you have received, this is a friendly and supportive place where others will understand what you are going through.

Best wishes

Jane