Thanks for your reply cg, sorry took so long to reply but sometimes it's too distressing to come on this site there is so much sadness and I find my self searching through trying to find someone with the exact circumstances as me but I know everyone's experience is different. Hope you are doing ok xxxxxx

Hi Deban so sorry for your loss I lost my husband 3 years ago to terminal prostate cancer when he finally found out he was just devastated he told me he couldn't bare to leave me this way but I assured him I would be fine. He looked fine until the last 5 days of his life then he went down rapidly and the cancer just kept spreading and spreading even though he was terminal and he was in agony even the pain killers were not helping. I spent nights upon nights by his side at hospital and at my age it was a struggle to not have sleep and food I found he stress was causing me headaches etc and then he passed away but I was glad more than anything cause he was out of pain and at rest. At the funeral I was hysterical though and I promised I would keep it together. Anyway take care hope to hear from you -Diane X

Hi Deban

Just reading your latest post reminded me how I felt in the first weeks/months following the death of my hubby.  Whilst I did stay in touch on the forum (as I joined during his illness and had made very supportive virtual friends) I can fully understand how sad threads may affect you.  Personally at low times I visited the Inspirational thread (Beautiful photos) and found I could lose myself if the wonders of nature's beauty for a little while.  This eventually lead to me learning to cope easier with my loss by 'pulling forward' good memories which are held in my own head and heart.

It was the first anniversary of my husband's death on 3 January and the days leading up to it were quite stressful and of course edged with the inevitably sadness.  However, some six months after my loss I promised him and myself that I would set myself a goal and stick with it.  Whilst I would not have been able to achieve this goal without his passing (and this was the biggest hurdle to it initially) I have just begun to make arrangements  to spend  a pension legacy on..........house repairs/redecoration.

I miss my husband every day though the raw pain of early loss has passed.  The memories I have (and life is never perfect) keep me going alongside the need to support my children and grandchildren as well as to honour my man's memory by completing my goal.

Please be kind to  yourself and take care.  Jules x

Diane, I am so sorry  for your loss, and thank you for your message.  I also promised my husband I would be ok but I'm not I just miss him more and more as time passes.  He was always very brave  and did not want to die in agony so in some ways the fall granted him that, I do have a lot  of support but live on my own and I just miss having my best friend to do stuff or do nothing with.  How are you coping 3 years on and how did you cope in the early days xxxx

Thank you jules it is so kind of you to reply.  Everyday is different and has different challenges, like the weather on rainy days we would just chill out together and dry days we would go walking, I miss telling him about my day at work and little things like having to sort the MOT on the car. I am sad I didn't give up work and spend more time with him.  I do make plans but don't follow them through, like rejoining the gym. Sorry I have just gone on about me again I really do appreciate your advice.  Take care xxxxxx

Hi Deban, yeah I just couldn't cope at all in the early days we did everything together and then half of me was gone. I was constantly hysterical the first few months I couldn't keep my emotions under control. And as time passes I my self miss him more I look at photos on the wall in the house and I burst into tears. Yes I have lots of support as well but I also live my self and I can relate I don't have that best friend to do things with. My daughter and sons are there quite a lot for me also the grandkids. Then I was diagnosed last year with liver cancer and I struggled the most going through cancer not having him there. You can have all the support you want but when the one person you only want is gone it makes me so upset. But I am still fighting it luckily it's under control and down to one chemo a week. -Diane Xx

Hi Deban

You are so right when you say every day is different and something that shook me up was that I cannot always tell what will effect me emotionally any more.  Strangely the work chat was not something I bought home.  Hubby was a workaholic until cancer took it away and that added a deep sadness to his life which somehow upset us both more than the illness itself at times. I am hoping to cut my work hours soon as I feel the most stressed when there!  However do not want to break the ties completely as obviously need some income and my colleagues have been and continue to be very supportive.

I had never been to a gym in my life and this is now my new hobby!  I joined six months after hubby passed away to give me a change of social life and it has really helped as it has re-focussed my day to day routine completely but is also variable with the ladies I chat with.

It is early days to know what the long term future will hold for me but for now I need to make the most of each day; I owe it to my husband's memory and our children and grandchildren and with a new grandchild due this year I do have something to lift my spirits in 2016.

Be kind to yourself and take care.  Jules x

I can't accept that he is gone I keep hoping someone is going to say we can do this or that and he can come home, does anyone else feel like this? Or am I going mad 

Hi I lost my husband of forty years at the start of the New Year.   he had been in hospital for only three weeks before he died  he was active up until the week before he was admitted to hospital with kidney fail failure caused by cancer growth in his urinary track    We knew nothing at about any cancer prior to him being admitted to hospital  it has shocked me yo the core  he was a happy healthy man or do we thought  no obvious symptoms  although no diagnosis it looks as if it was prostatic  a rare case I was told  It makes no difference rare or not it was too late for any treatment  i was with him right up until the end  he fought death all the way but he lost in the end   I am absolutely devastated  I know how you feel I truly do  like you I am trying to come to terms with my loss