Thanks for your reply cg, sorry took so long to reply but sometimes it's too distressing to come on this site there is so much sadness and I find my self searching through trying to find someone with the exact circumstances as me but I know everyone's experience is different. Hope you are doing ok xxxxxx

Hi Deban

Just reading your latest post reminded me how I felt in the first weeks/months following the death of my hubby.  Whilst I did stay in touch on the forum (as I joined during his illness and had made very supportive virtual friends) I can fully understand how sad threads may affect you.  Personally at low times I visited the Inspirational thread (Beautiful photos) and found I could lose myself if the wonders of nature's beauty for a little while.  This eventually lead to me learning to cope easier with my loss by 'pulling forward' good memories which are held in my own head and heart.

It was the first anniversary of my husband's death on 3 January and the days leading up to it were quite stressful and of course edged with the inevitably sadness.  However, some six months after my loss I promised him and myself that I would set myself a goal and stick with it.  Whilst I would not have been able to achieve this goal without his passing (and this was the biggest hurdle to it initially) I have just begun to make arrangements  to spend  a pension legacy on..........house repairs/redecoration.

I miss my husband every day though the raw pain of early loss has passed.  The memories I have (and life is never perfect) keep me going alongside the need to support my children and grandchildren as well as to honour my man's memory by completing my goal.

Please be kind to  yourself and take care.  Jules x

Hi Deban

Just reading your latest post reminded me how I felt in the first weeks/months following the death of my hubby.  Whilst I did stay in touch on the forum (as I joined during his illness and had made very supportive virtual friends) I can fully understand how sad threads may affect you.  Personally at low times I visited the Inspirational thread (Beautiful photos) and found I could lose myself if the wonders of nature's beauty for a little while.  This eventually lead to me learning to cope easier with my loss by 'pulling forward' good memories which are held in my own head and heart.

It was the first anniversary of my husband's death on 3 January and the days leading up to it were quite stressful and of course edged with the inevitably sadness.  However, some six months after my loss I promised him and myself that I would set myself a goal and stick with it.  Whilst I would not have been able to achieve this goal without his passing (and this was the biggest hurdle to it initially) I have just begun to make arrangements  to spend  a pension legacy on..........house repairs/redecoration.

I miss my husband every day though the raw pain of early loss has passed.  The memories I have (and life is never perfect) keep me going alongside the need to support my children and grandchildren as well as to honour my man's memory by completing my goal.

Please be kind to  yourself and take care.  Jules x

Thank you jules it is so kind of you to reply.  Everyday is different and has different challenges, like the weather on rainy days we would just chill out together and dry days we would go walking, I miss telling him about my day at work and little things like having to sort the MOT on the car. I am sad I didn't give up work and spend more time with him.  I do make plans but don't follow them through, like rejoining the gym. Sorry I have just gone on about me again I really do appreciate your advice.  Take care xxxxxx

Hi Deban

You are so right when you say every day is different and something that shook me up was that I cannot always tell what will effect me emotionally any more.  Strangely the work chat was not something I bought home.  Hubby was a workaholic until cancer took it away and that added a deep sadness to his life which somehow upset us both more than the illness itself at times. I am hoping to cut my work hours soon as I feel the most stressed when there!  However do not want to break the ties completely as obviously need some income and my colleagues have been and continue to be very supportive.

I had never been to a gym in my life and this is now my new hobby!  I joined six months after hubby passed away to give me a change of social life and it has really helped as it has re-focussed my day to day routine completely but is also variable with the ladies I chat with.

It is early days to know what the long term future will hold for me but for now I need to make the most of each day; I owe it to my husband's memory and our children and grandchildren and with a new grandchild due this year I do have something to lift my spirits in 2016.

Be kind to yourself and take care.  Jules x

I can't accept that he is gone I keep hoping someone is going to say we can do this or that and he can come home, does anyone else feel like this? Or am I going mad 

Deben, it's is not madness to feel how you do, it's grief and definitely part of the 'journey of loss'. It can be such an all consuming emotion especially in the early weeks and months after our best friend and life partner are taken from us.  You are still in the very early days just as CG has said (hi CG). Apart from the obvious hole in our lives that losing a husband leaves it can be so hard to push aside the emotions attached to the how and why they were taken so cruelly and with all the offficial processes that have to be gone through there is a constant reminder that we have been left alone to face a very different life than what we had expected or wanted. It's a deep hurt that so many on the forum understand and it takes as long as it takes to move forward.

As you know from my earlier replies I am further along the 'recovery' process and for me this did not begin properly until at least six months after my hubby's death.  It was not a sudden process but a slow quiet acceptance that I may have lost my best friend and husband but the memories we had made together and as a family (we grieve as a family as well as alone) could be called on any time and I believe 'acceptance' is one of the eventual ways that help us cope with the future. The pace at which we reach acceptance will be different for everyone.

I have now 'accepted' my loss and though still, of course, wish it had not had to be this way, I also know that deep in my heart I have precious memories and it would be harder still not to honour those who have passed by carrying on with the life  in the best way I can.

Yes, it's a difficult journey of adjustment and I found it taught me a lot about my own life along the way but with small steps it is possible to gain strength.  My first waking thought is still of my hubby and I still have disturbed sleep patterns but I am healing still. Strangely I still find work the most stressful and so I made the decision to reduce my part time hours further and from next week will only do 2 shifts a week. My health and wellbeing is important and I am hoping this will be another part of my healing.  Asking for understanding and support from my friends and family and talking on the forum has been a big help in my slow acceptance but I am getting there and I am sure you will do so too when the time feels right. Here to listen and remember you are not alone on the forum as many of us have been along a similar road of grief and there is understnding here. Be kind to yourself and take care, hugs from Jules x 

Jules,

Once again, thank you for your reply, it does help a little knowing other people are going through the same

Debbiexxxx

Lost my wonderful partner four months ago to bowel cancer. Its hard to describe how deverstated I feel. Life seems like an impossible burden that I don't wish to be part of and truthfully, I would rather be non-exsisting with him, then here without him. We had only six years together from the moment we clapped eyes on each other, to the day he died in my arms and they were the happiest and most fulfilled years of my life. I waited a long time for him and meeting him made all the ordeals in my quest for love seem worth while. However I know my partner died a very happy man in the sense that he felt completed and validated at the end of his life and that does comfort me. We looked after each other as he was dying  and we both knew we  were commited to each other. Lately I have recognised that the love we shared doesn't go away and my search for love was realised. I find myself still consulting him and asking his opinion.(in my thoughts of course). Things he said to me come back and make me smile again. I realise he will always be with me and I can keep him with me for as long as I wish to. This new revelation makes me feel better. Without being morbid, I now look forward to death and the chance for re-connection but recognise that life is for living. I can do this with a mixture of remembrance and renewal.