Hi Paul, lovely to hear from you as always, re advice on replying to others post, just speak from the heart, it helps others to know they are not alone even though we cannot advise/ talk on their particular issues and someone  may be long soon who can help.  That's all we can do is help each other.  Just lost a cushion on my chair, you would laugh.  As such a shortass now have 2 cushions under me to try and impove posture, don't worry if all fails will try 3 tomorrow night and require a step ladder to get down. Haha. Sky diving oh my giddy aunt.   you are brave.  Does the hospice have a website as such, maybe just make it known here you ever know what donations could come out of it.  Would love to share memorial website  I i have set up with you.  Set up for hubby if you don't mind, has raised over $1000 in 3 and a bit months in aid of little heroes foundation, can fwd u the link to look at if interested.  Pic of him is as a very happy man.  Cat just come in, very vocal, when he gets to sitting in front of I pad I get a bit grumpy.  He likes to sit on shoulders but when only wearing a. Singlet on top and he use shoulders or arms as brakes on way down I get a tad miffed.  All in all I love my pets, my loyal companions and would not be without them...  Re the garden I prefer to water when late as if you do in the am will be evaporated too quickly in my opinion. Paul you are really good doing the volunteer work you do, working in the kitchen etc,be proud. Mate a lot of others would not bother, and you drive also.  Don't berate yourself you are doing heaps in your own way.  Your Dawn would be proud of you, she will be looking over you, giving you the proverbial kick when required.  Don't you worry, I am sure she is ever close.  Kind regards, Kathy 

Hi there Kathy, just don't know what was happening last night, the page kept on freezing then it disappeared, so let's try again, hopefully it will be more kind to me today. You are right once again thank you, speak from the heart and just show that you are there for them, thank you. It would be an honour to share a memorial website what a fantastic amount, well done you, I know he would be very proud of you. Will you post the website for me, thank you. I have a cancer research "donate in memory page" for Dawn, the monies donated at her funeral, was split between Macmillan nurses and cancer research, £450 each, and now I put money in for Dawns birthday and the month of her passing, it is mounting up and if the money helps rid this terrible intruder it would be all I could ask, plus it does help keep Dawns memory alive and hopefully after I have gone, I have left instructions with my son. The parachute jump is to raise a few bob for the hospice "Treetopshospice.org.uk" I think it's brilliant what they do not only day care for the terminally Ill but nurse home visits, therapy, bereavement consulting and lots more, plus it's not dreary, everyone has a smile. check the website out,  you will see what I mean. Thank you for your kind words Kathy, I know Dawn is with me where ever I go, think it's me being a wuss most of the time, I will get there I know, I also know i will never forget, the roll a coaster is slowing down. Take care of yourself Kathy and once again thank you for your kind words and thoughts and the chat, thank you. Kind regards Paul 

Hi Paul, check out the inspiration page, will reply later tonight.  Just sending this now in case you log off soon. Kathy.  I tend to stay logged in for hours.

Hi Paul, me back again. You are not being a wuss mate, we all cope in different ways and if it works just do it.  Hubby's website is www.heroeshq.org, then go to in memoriam.  He is man in kilt looking so happy (even though an Aussie loved Scotland). At the moment there is only 2 in memorials as I suggested it at the time.  But from little seeds acorns can grow. 

I have checked out your website and it does look great.

Pretty hot here at present but that's life.  Garden is 1/4 acre block but once I get it under control feel confident I can maintain.  Love being outside in fresh air...only when the mozzies start I will come inside..

New improved website confusing me, was not able to do paragraphs before... Now I have to pretend I am semi literate.  Now I pad users can do pics I will be able to send you pic of my lovely dog, 11 years.  I swear if he tried to get any closer to me in bed at night would be on me.   Even though I have ac on in bedroom he has to be snuggled next to me, poor boy, knows his dad is not physically here so has to make do with his only constant in life here,

me.

Hi Kathy just lost everything again, been Sat here for over an hour replying, then tried to upload a photo of Sheba and everything disappeared, then tried again, things keep disappearing, going to log off to compose myself, didn't want you to think I was ignoring you, have checked out inspiration page, and your Hubby's website, so wonderful, why is life so cruel., sorry, chat later, just got to calm myself, take care, Paul

Hi Kathy, just don't know what happened last time, just lost everything, so trying now on the lap top. I did check out the inspiration page, wow didnt realize there was so much in this chat forum. such wonderful poeple with so much encouragement. Checked out your Hubby's website, so nice, really wonderful, he would be so proud of you, and what a wonderful man and you look such a loving couple, life can be cruel. 

Was going to try to download pictures of Sheba but worried about losing it all again. next time will download before i start to type. It's so nice when they cuddle up next to you isn't it, Shaba and i have a cuddle before we go to sleep and she is so patient when i awake, gives me time to come round then its cuddles and play time for a minute or two before we get up. Took your advice and was positive when I went to the bereavement lunch, did'nt really want to go, but did'nt feel to bad at all when I got there, I was the first ti leave but i had to get back for Sheba, don't like leaving her too long. Been out today for two long walks but it is bitterly cold her, just had a hot bath to warm up.

Into the office first thing in the morning, then got a meeting with an old army guy, another one of my volunteer jobs, "ssafa" we look after old soldiers, sailors and airmen, women and their families, i just sit with them and ask if we can help in anyway, then my report goes into the head office and they try to source funds to help with their request. its another "makes you feel good" job.

Hope this gets to you ok and has'nt dissappeared before i post it, Take care Kathy Kind regards Paul

Hi Kathy, just don't know what happened last time, just lost everything, so trying now on the lap top. I did check out the inspiration page, wow didnt realize there was so much in this chat forum. such wonderful poeple with so much encouragement. Checked out your Hubby's website, so nice, really wonderful, he would be so proud of you, and what a wonderful man and you look such a loving couple, life can be cruel. 

Was going to try to download pictures of Sheba but worried about losing it all again. next time will download before i start to type. It's so nice when they cuddle up next to you isn't it, Shaba and i have a cuddle before we go to sleep and she is so patient when i awake, gives me time to come round then its cuddles and play time for a minute or two before we get up. Took your advice and was positive when I went to the bereavement lunch, did'nt really want to go, but did'nt feel to bad at all when I got there, I was the first ti leave but i had to get back for Sheba, don't like leaving her too long. Been out today for two long walks but it is bitterly cold her, just had a hot bath to warm up.

Into the office first thing in the morning, then got a meeting with an old army guy, another one of my volunteer jobs, "ssafa" we look after old soldiers, sailors and airmen, women and their families, i just sit with them and ask if we can help in anyway, then my report goes into the head office and they try to source funds to help with their request. its another "makes you feel good" job.

Hope this gets to you ok and has'nt dissappeared before i post it, Take care Kathy Kind regards Paul

Hi Paul,
Just a quick note to let you know I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, just issues posting.  Keep losing things besides my marbles.....
Rgds Kathy
 

Hi Paul,
Apologies for delay in response but have had technical issues and had darling grandson stay for 36 hours with grand daughter for the last few hours also so was kept on my toes.  What joy.  They have such beautiful manners and are so affectionate.  I am  doubly blessed.
I am glad you went to the luncheon.  Even though you might not feel like going out I think it's something we have to force ourselves to do.  I went out last week for tea with 2 girlfriends and am really a homebody so to go out at teatime, driving myself is quite a novel experience.  Of course I walked into the wrong bar area as had never been there before and it was the mans bar, but the kind bar maid took me to the correct area.  I felt such a twit.
After tea I returned to car to find my driving glasses had cracked due to the heat and it wasn't even that hot.  Spec savers tell me they are not covered by warranty as this can happen if left in car.  As I only wear specs for driving or TV I leave a pair in both those areas.  Might challenge them as have never been advised not to leave in car (but too be honest it does make sense).
Today I have found this note function so am typing on it then will copy and post.  If post malfunctions can retry and won't have lost it. Yay for me.
Your ssafa work sounds really interesting and I can imagine you would be very good at it, compassionate, patient and understanding.
It was a scorcher yesterday 41' but the littlies had great fun playing with buckets of water, plastic cups and water balloons.  The simple things in life.  I tried to blow up a paddling pool earlier in the day but just couldn't do it, tried car tyre pump and sticking a straw in valve and blowing to no avail, but we made do with what we had.
I have just put the cooler on as will stay home tdy as 38 the top and dog quite happy to stay inside with me.  Will take the lad out for a wander this evening if it cools down sufficiently before dark.
I plan on doing a bit of work outside today taking care to cover up, sounds mad but beats sitting inside and it will give me a feeling that I have accomplished another chore by the end of the day.
Well Paul will sign off and see how my copy and paste works
Take care, Kathy x
 

[[]]Hi Paul, just trying to send pic of the lad

[[]]here is Sheba posing on her not so clean quilt and chilling out on the settee

In my last posting to you, you may have seen I had problems, I was amazed when I got an email from the cancer chat posting team asking what had actually happened, they where so apologetic. Hopefully it's all sorted now. What a chilled out lad he is, just pottering around the garden, maybe looking for a nice cool spot, does he cope well with the heat, they are very good at adapting aren't . Sheba and I have been out for our walk this morning and now she is asleep on the sofa next to me. It sounded that you had a magical time with your grandchildren, there is nothing better than polite children and even better when they are your grandchildren, as it was I baby sat last night for my son Mark as he took his wife Nicola out for Valentines day, they where also very good, a 3 and 1 year old, didn't take them to bed, let them fall asleep as they sat with me then took them to their rooms. I bought Dawn a valentines card, I always do for every occasion, think she would like that. Visited the city hospital yesterday for our bereavement chats and they commented on how more positive, composed and more open I was, I told them I was chatting online to you and how positive you are and they commented how nice and encouraging it is that everyone is helping each other. So once again I can only thank you for sticking with me and helping me to be more positive. It is the time of year though that Dawn was admitted to hospital and had the operation to remove the tumour, don't want to forget what she went through but learn to cope with it, going to decide now on what to have for dinner, probably change my mind two or three times before I cook.  T

Hi there Kathy sorry bout the last post, but it all went a bit funny again seems to do that when I try to add photos, didn't seem a very kind signing off, think you have the best idea, individual postings for text and photos, take care, Kind regards Paul 

Goodness Paul,

Sheba looks so lovely and comfy, such intelligent eyes.  Our pets are so good to us. We are so lucky. Bit hot tdy but cooler now.  Dog asleep on sofa, cat inside and stretched out in front of doorway where I could trip over him.  How are you doing? 

Kathy

j

Hi again Paul,

just scrolled down and saw the other pic of Sheba and your post.  She really is a gorgeous girl. Dice is a good lad and I seem to be concerned for his well being, I sometimes forget he came from up North where is a bit hotter, therefore used to the heat, but he is 11 now.  He used to be a dab hand at killing snakes but don't know how his reflexes would be nowadays, but no snakes down here thankfully.

I think we all try to help each other as best we can and that is a good thing .

Kids have asked me to make a speech at their wedding 13.03 tears running down my face (again) at thought of it, not because I am scared of doing it , but don't want to lose control on their special day.  Sandy would have loved so much to have been there, but we knew last July it was not meant to be. Guess I will just need to take a deep breaths, deliver my speech welcome this beautiful girl officially into the family, my daughter in law, soul mate of my son and friend to me and hope I hold it together,..  I will be fortunate to have mum and 2 sisters with me do if falter will have back up.  But I am confident I will be ok. Have come so far being a tough little cookie, so I will continue.

Had 2 mates from Scotland ring me tdy which was great.  Have known them for 40 years  , since secondary school.  How wonderful we are still in touch.  True friends indeed.  Ok Paul, will sign off 2.45 am here, can't ring my sis till Scottish rugby match finished or she would have my guts  for garters.  Big hugs to Sheba, she is so cute, and guess you can have one too.  Best wishes Kathy

lHi Kathy, really sorry how the last posting from me finished, think it might be me and not the chat line program, Dice what a cracking name, bet he was mustard in his prime, but he looks chilled, but glad the old chap is still doing well and the heat is no problem for him. You are so right about our pets, really don't know what I would do without Sheba, only had her four months but we are so attached, Dawn would love her too, even think Dawn had a hand in our coming together. Was thinking the other day she is the only other girl apart from Dawn who I have told I love them, but she is so good for me. What an amazing lady you must be, after a short time you have the strength to stand up and speak to an audience, I couldn't do it even now after two and half years plus. Don't think your children would have asked you if they didn't think you could do it, they must be so proud of you as you are of them. I know for a fact your hubby will be with you, saying go on Kathy you will be ok. Woops, just had a few tears thinking of it, told you I was a wuss. 

Really do think it is great what you are going to do, I think the wedding attendees will be in tears before you, I do wish you all the very best, and truly hope the wedding day is just the best ever. Well done, go for it.

It is just great you still chat to your friends in Scotland, do you find you go back to your Scottish language or are you Aussy through and through.have they been to visit, bet they wouldn't want to go home if they did, been chatting by email to the Daughter in law in Adelaide, she is working really hard at work and the grandchildren are doing so well, the eldest grandchild Cianan is twenty in May, and he has is own flat, now I do feel old.

Take care of yourself Kathy and write that speech, kind regards Paul

Hi Paul, managed to lose last message to you.  How dippy am I? Don't answer that one....
Just been into bedroom to check on dog, cooler going there... To find he was elsewhere....all good now he is on waterbed enjoying the cool.  
I feel good tdy, Wednesday was a bit of a downer but have pepped up again.  Went to babysit grandson on Thurs as he was sick and DIL started  new course that day so had to attend.  It's nice to feel needed/wanted and do so much enjoy time with littlies.
3 weeks tdy they are wed, how exciting.
Don't say you are a wuss.  You are someone who feels compassion and empathy for a fellow human, that makes you a kind man.
I still speak with a strong Scottish/ Irish accent but am sure it will broaden when with my family.  When with the Aussies I try and tone it down.  Have finished raking front lawn to remove plugs after coring due to blister, but woo hoo all done so now am applying gypsum and fertiliser and watering in.  Have saved myself $250 by doing myself.
 
Bit of a hot one tomorrow 40, son calling in so have a few heavy lifting man jobs for him to do.  Have to utilise my resources haha and plan accordingly.,    I do enjoy my time with him.  I have always called him the light of my life, born 10 weeks prem, only 1020 grams, has turned out to be a strapping 6 foot 3 like his dad, but gee would like to see him fatten up a wee bit. He is very lean.  Maybe I am just jealous....but seriously am so lucky to have him in my life, DIL was so impressed when she saw the bond we have, as in see how a man treats his mother therefore how he will treat you.
Anyway enough dribbling from me Paul.  Much planned for the weekend?
Best wishes and hugs to you both
Kathy x
 

Hi Kathy, sorry you had a bad day, but glad your feeling better now, not doing to good myself, got tooth ache and a nasty cold, only had them a couple of days and had enough all ready, shouldn't grummble though I don't get many colds at all and the tooth is lose now so I may take some pain killers or a few beers and get it out, if all fails it's off to the dentist, but he won't touch it while I have a cold. It is great looking after the grandchildren isn't it, had George Thursday, but it was raining all day so we did a bit of drawing, a bit of training with Sheba and a couple of DVDs. Been out today, had an haircut and bought caster sugar, flour so we can do a little baking next time he's here, going to practice first though. Be glad when it warms up then we shall be out with Sheba and have a few picnics. The wedding is coming round fast isn't it, it will be here before you know it. How's you're speech coming along, I really do think your so brave, but do sincerely wish you all the very best. It sounds amazing what you are doing with your garden, bet you are really proud of yourself and quite right too. It will be nice when we can do a bit in the garden it's either too cold or to wet. It's so nice to hear the bond you have with your son, and how proud you are of him, the way he treats you though is down to yourself and hubby for giving the guidance and having the respect. Our youngest son is great just wish the eldest two had turned out a bit better. The weekend is going to be taken up by a bit of cleaning, washing the clothes, out with Sheba, going to help the youngest son fit new taps with shut off valves in their downstais loo, but waiting for the call as he has got to take George to football training. I am still teaching myself to play the guitar,, Sheba has not been howling yet so think it's coming along fine .ok it's time to try a bit of baking, don't know if I will let Shba have any cake as the vet bills are very expensive. Really do enjoy our chats, thank you for taking time out for me, take great care of yourself, Kind regards Paul.