Hi Paul, welcome to this forum of wonderful people, I am sorry to see the reason you have made contact. Condolences on your loss of Dawn. I don't know what type of illness took her from you. I am sure though she would be wanting you to be living life to the full not feeling guilty at going out. It is normal to feel lost after loved one has gone before us, but we have to pick ourselves up and embrace the future. Sorry if speaking out of turn but a few of us here have lost loved ones. Talking, ranting and raving can help. Best wishes. Kathy.

Hi there Kathy, thank you for your reply and the welcome to this forum, plus your kind words and thoughts. Dawn was diagnosed with colon cancer but within 91 days it had passed to every organ in her body, she tried to fight it but didn't stand a chance. She never complained once throughout her battle. You are right Dawn would most definitely want me to live life to the full, but it is so hard, if I see something funny and laugh out loud, I feel ashamed for doing so, I know it will take time, a long time, but chatting with people who understand and getting feed back from people such as yourself will not judge me, for asking for help and advice. Kind regards Paul.

Hi there Kathy, thank you for your reply and the welcome to this forum, plus your kind words and thoughts. Dawn was diagnosed with colon cancer but within 91 days it had passed to every organ in her body, she tried to fight it but didn't stand a chance. She never complained once throughout her battle. You are right Dawn would most definitely want me to live life to the full, but it is so hard, if I see something funny and laugh out loud, I feel ashamed for doing so, I know it will take time, a long time, but chatting with people who understand and getting feed back from people such as yourself will not judge me, for asking for help and advice. Kind regards Paul.

Hi Paul, I know exactly what you mean. When visiting the kids and having the 2 grandkids cuddling me, dragging me around to show me their "treasures" I was overcome as hubby would have so much enjoyed it. I too felt guilty that I was healthy, surrounded by love and having fun and he was missing this. After giving myself a kick up the rear I realised he is still with me, he always will be, just not in the physical sense. A bit of him lives on in our son and grandkids. Son gets married in March and that will be hard as his dad so much wanted to be here for it. Once again he will be with us in our thoughts and in our hearts but I will attend it without him physically at my side. What you are going through is quite natural Paul, all part of the grieving process. It sucks big time but we need to continue one day at a time. I figure I was lucky to have all the years together that we did, some people don't have that. Hubby is no longer suffering and I have enjoy what life has to offer me. This forum has been a life saver for me Paul. The warmth I have found here is like a big blanket and I thank my forum buddies for this. Take care. Kathy

Hi there Kathy, thank you for the wonderful response, you are so absolutely right, I first need a good kick up the back side myself, Dawn is here with me, she always has been, I hear her giving me advice and she reminds me to do things, so I should be more positive instead of feeling sorry for myself. Everyone else seems more positive than I, and a lot braver come to that. Dawns pain is no longer, so I should be greatful for that, and we had 42 years together, some good, some really good but there was a few bad times, I do cherrish those good times, and ashamed of the bad, but it will always be an honour and a privilege to have been part of Dawns life. I still shed a few tears but that doesn't worry me any more. You sound such a brave and positive lady, I'm sure your sons wedding day will be the best and his dad will be there smiling down on you all. Thank you for helping to build my spirits. Kind regards Paul

Hi Paul, I too have wobbly moments, that's all normal and all ok too, but we have to keep plodding on. Today en route to visiting the in laws for the first time on my own noticed 2 little kids walking on a main road. Seeing no adult in sight I pulled over immediately. Man driving in front of me did same. We got the littlies approx 2 yr old out of harms way and I suggested I start door knocking, fortunately first door I knocked on knew where the little tackers belonged. Their dad had lost his wife recently and came out of house realising the kids were gone as we were approaching his place. The little monkeys had managed to unlatch the security door and were for the off... It is good to know we were able to advert a potentially disastrous incident. Dad now will have to use the key lock system or keep his wooden door locked securely. The kids were so cute, twins, same age as my grand daughter. Dad looked older than me so probably has had them late in life. Will sign off for now as have to eat as have neglected to do so today, it's 11.25 pm here so must have some tukka to re fuel. Best wishes, Kathy

Hi there Kathy, what an amazing achievement, the other guy and yourself potentially save the lives of those two little ones and saved their dad an embarrassing / heartbreaking time, well done to you both, it's really nice to hear that sort of news than the other terrible stuff. I have been looking after one of my grandsons today, George, he's a cracking little lad and today was a good day, he actually finished every last drop of his lunch, he usually leaves half, it's amazing how something simple can make you feel good. Tukka, that's Australian, are you from Aus, Dawns sister lives in Perth, and our friends live in Madura, we had an amazing time when we went out there, her sister and niece keep asking me to go out, but it's just won't feel right without Dawn, we also have a Daughter in law and three grand children out in Adelaide, they want me to go out as well, oh dear are we aloud to discuss people's location, sorry if I'm out of order. This time of year is quite tough for me as it is this time three years ago, Dawn started to visit the doctors knowing something wasn't right, if only there could have been some sort of sign, or the doctors carried out a scan earlier, but then you think would Dawn have been in pain for longer, a lot of people say they think your life is already planned out, have you hear of that, it's really nice to chat, kind regards Paul

Hi Paul, yes it is nice to have a good news story. I am a Scot who met an Aussie in Edinburgh, got married and came out here in 1984' so have lived here longer than I have lived in Scotland. I think you will find my terminology a mix of the 2 with a bit of Irish chucked in for good measure. I understand this time of year being tough for you and it will continue to be, once again that's all quite natural. We often think of if only... And that too is normal. I find till receipts from prior to July and think our life was ok then. How quickly things change with such devastating results. Back to being positive, we must enjoy life every precious second and enjoy what we do have. I think it's ok to discuss locations Paul. I live in Adelaide, outskirts of, the recent bushfires got to within 2 km of the property but I was fortunate it didn't come any closer. Was your daughter in law and family affected? A beautiful 27 degrees today, dog walked , bit of gardening done and had a handyman come out to quote on some repairs. Tomorrow will see me mow 2 lawns as they are looking a bit hairy due to application of fertiliser and heavy rains. Maybe I should get a goat haha. My next door neighbour will drop in tonight for a cuppa and old work colleague also. We were made redundant at end of Nov, but as the saying goes one door closes another one opens. Must go for now and tidy up outdoor table. Take care, Kathy.

Hi Kathy, isn't it a small world, but you definitely made the right decision in going to Aus, Dawn and I nearly moved to Aus in 1979, I was in the Royal Navy and was going to transfer, but we had three young ones then, one being a baby, so we decided to wait a while, Dawns sister in Perth was always wondering why we never made it, think it was one thing then another, is our life planned out for us do you think!!. Our daughter in law lives in Seaford Meadows, when I asked if she was ok due to the bush fires, she said she was about 55km away so she was safe, but it was touch and go with you wasn't it, now that was to close for comfort. I'm always doing bits around the house and garden, but my concentration isn't as good as it was, just can't seen to get on with things like I used to, even getting into hobbies, just seems to dwindle as I make progress. Still you have to keep busy don't you. I'm off to the City Hospital soon, it's a group of people who have lost loved ones and we chat about how we are getting on and what we have done, it helps plus it gets me out of the house. Kind regards Paul

Hi Paul, good to hear from you.  Yes your daughter in law is down south of Adelaide, a nice area , I am up north east at base of foothills.  I do think in a way our life is planned out or us.  Everything happens for a reason.  Don't know why, we have to go with the flow and make the best of what we have. Some little grub/caterpillar is attacking my newly transplanted lemon tree so will need to find out what it is and take action.  Have been offered work to mow mates' lawns but would rather do it as a gift to them and not accept payment as such.  Other thing is if you try and transfer hobby into job, you may not enjoy hobby anymore it may become a chore and I do enjoy my gardening and find it therapeutic.  When visiting in laws during the week I did what weeding I could do without my tools.  Son went out yesterday and finished the job.  I am so proud of him for loving his grandparents the way he does and even though he has his own family was able to  give up a few hours of his time to spend with them.  I hope you had an enjoyable time at the city hosp.  I am sure you bring comfort to others there.  Talking is good..  Best wishes from a cool 20 degrees Adelaide. Kathy

Hi there Kathy, it's been a couple of days since our last chat but I've been on a bit of a downer, don't know why, well I mean I do know why, but mean i just don't know why it suddenly came about, I think you know what I'm trying to say. We all had a nice chat at our get together, but when I got home I just felt so down, anyway it took a while to get back out of depression mode. Wish I could be as positive as you, think I want another kick up the back side and a good slap as well, should I put a notice at side of the bed with the words "think positive" written on it, then my day may start a little better. Your mates must admire your passion and the quality of your garden, I bet they wouldn't want you to do it for nothing, But I know what you mean though about it becoming a chore and not enjoyable if payment is received. It's still in the winter mode here in the UK, but we in the Midlands have been really lucky, just a little snow and not as cold as the rest of the country. As soon as it warms up we shall all be busy making our gardens tidy, and bring the colour to life once again, but it will be a few months yet. Thinking of obtaining some sort of camping equipment so Sheba and I can get away here and there in the summer months, just be a few days at a time but a different scenery may help. Thank you for keeping in touch it is helping to chat, take care, kind regards Paul.

Hi Paul, if you get down come online, someone will always be willing to listen and respond. Funny enough another mate spoke about a kick up the behind and a slap today, you guys be must on the same wavelength, I would prefer to say a kick up the behind and a severe spanking with a birch rod.... Oh no you might enjoy it. Sorry to be so familar but that is what I used to say in my last job as call centre hardship case manager, customers used to love it as is not what you expect to hear. I always speak from the heart and people respond. Love the idea of you going camping a change of scenery and routine always good, just something different from the normal routine. Please tell me who is Sheba.? I used to have a cat called Sheva, passed away. Goodness we do get so attached to our pets, they are part of the family. Paul have you seen Max's petition to get personal messaging reinstated, you will find it under notice board. This gives us ability to talk one on one, you may think it maybe helpful via direct email. Also gives members to chat about things not involving cancer. Just a thought. I figure the more of us who request it better chance we have of getting it through. Sitting at kitchen table at the moment pets in, haven't had tea yet. Oops almost 10 pm, bowl of cereal will suffice or fresh fruit. Gets a bit of a chore to cook sometimes. Visited grandkids today, what joy. Also called into in laws bearing gifts of home grown tomatoes and cucumbers. Intend visiting them every week while weather good. It's an hour away but all good, I can do it. See you live in Midlands. Geography was probably my worst subject think I got a c in o level. Have driven from Scotland to Boston Lincs to visit my godmother Bout 8 years ago. Is that any anywhere near? Will sign off for now and please come on and chat if you feel down. We all do from time to time Paul its normal and nice to feel we are not alone. Kind regards Kathy