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Hurting loads

Hope23
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I had thought I was doing better this year but now I feel just as bad as before.  This week it is a year since I was told my Dad was dying, and it is 6 months since my Mum died.  I'm re-living so many memories, my Dad's death in March, watching my Mum grief stricken.  Me trying desperately to help her rebuild her life only for her to be diagnosed with the same cancer in June.  Then watching her deteriorate just like my Dad, until she died in August.  I don't know how to cope anymore.  Losing one parent would have been awful, but if I still  had one we could have grieved together.  Now I've got myself in a state about their house, I so wanted to do the right thing and decided I would do the house up with a view to keeping it for the future and possibly renting.  Now work has started it is a major project, it is upsetting me and I now realise I couldn't rent it.  I wished I'd never started it but I guess I'll just need to do it up to sell.  I feel like I've done everything wrong.  I miss my parents so much, I don't like my life the way it is now. I don't want this unhappiness to carry on another year, I feel like I've lost the happy person I once was and I'm scared she'll never come back.  Sorry for rambling but I just need to write it down.

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Good morning hope,

    Just like your other forum friends, I am thinking of you today. I came across this picture quote last night and it reminded me of something you said to someone on here, that we only feel so bad because we loved our lost ones so much. Hope you like it.

    Take care, best wishes and hugs sent your way, Brian.

                                    [[ ]]

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Just wanted to say keeping you in my thoughts on this emotional day Hope. Brian's picture quote says it all.  Jules xx

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi Brian & Jules,

    Hope you don't mind a joint reply.  Thank you so much for your messages and kind thoughts.  Brian, I loved the photo, it reminded me of the 2 doves I released at Mums funeral to symbolise Mum & Dad being reunited.  I have been to the cemetary today, the sun was shining and it was peaceful there.  The hardest part for me remembering the day Dad passed is thinking of Mum with me then; it's surreal to know they are both gone.  However I am trying to think of them as reunited now and know they would want me to carry on with my life.  Hope the sun is shining in your part of the world too.  Thanks again.  Hope x

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Hi Hope

    Joint replies are great and no problem on this forum. Hope you not working too hard though not long now till the next round of holidays.  My daughter and family are visiting her in laws for a week during the Easter break and then we are having the little one for a night and day so they can decorate their bedroom.  Fingers crossed it will be nice weather and I can take him to the park.Now five months old and happy in the baby swings.  He had a nap here in his travel cot at the weekend and was no problem at all.  The eldest boy had me out in the garden for a game of footie as well as playing 'off roading'with his cars in the bare border I leave for him to enjoy!!  Oh to be young again.  Take care   Jules xx

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Hi Hope,

    Haven't spoken for a few days but have been thinking about you, you have not been forgotten. I Hope now that the anniversary has passed by, you may be feeling a little better.

    How is your work at school going? My youngest grandson is still as cheeky as ever and made me laugh again the other night.

    Take care, best wishes, Brian.


  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Morning Hope

    Just wanted to let you know am keeping  you in my thoughts as your journey continues.Jules xx

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    Hi Brian,

    Thanks for thinking of me, I'm doing OK, keeping myself busy.  Eldest ran a half-marathon today to raise money for our local hospice, so went to that. Hope you and Mrs B have had a nice weekend, the weather here has been a bit unpredictable, sunshine and rain. I have read some of your posts regarding your youngest grandson, he certainly sounds a cheeky chappy.  How is your brother-in-law doing now?  Speak soon.  Hope x

  • Offline in reply to jules54

    Hi Jules,

    Thanks for thinking of me.  I'm OK, some days are better than others but I'm hoping that the good ones will slowly take over the bad.  Eldest ran half-marathon today and raised money for the hospice that supported Mum and Dad.  I'm so proud of him in so many ways.  I hope you have had a nice weekend; I will be thinking of you as you Tuesday when you have hubby's appointment, hope all goes well.  Hope xx

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Hello again Hope

    Wow, well done to your eldest and am not at all surprised at how proud you are feeling.  If you are like me it sometimes brings a lump to the throat (not matter how old they are!!). Weather here today (Middlesex)has been chilly but mainly bright and no rain since a shower yesterday morning.  Nonetheless although I had good intentions to be in the garden found myself wanting to get more exercise so visited our local garden centre a couple of miles away and as it has a gifting area Imanaged to find a few bits for upcoming birthdays.  I did buy some Dahlia tubers to plant soon (hubby's has always liked these and we have not had them for a few years so I thought it would be a nice surprise (assuming they grow).   Have a good week and you know where to find us when and if you need a chat.  Sending hugs.  Jules  xx

  • Offline in reply to Hope23

    Good morning Hope,

    Well done to you son for running the half marathon, you must be one very proud mother. Thanks for asking about my brother in law. he is die to have an MRI scan this week so they can determine how much cancer he has in his hip joint. He is also having hormone therapy like me, one injection per month and is due a blood test later part of next week. Once his psa has come down and his prostate has shrunk he will have radiotherapy.

    I have just finished another story, all I have to do is print and bind it. I am now trying to get another one finished as I have about ten more that I have started. I sometime get to a point where i cant find a link to join the different parts of the story together so i leave it for a while and then go back to it. .

    Are you still busy at school? Thanks for the post on Jules thread. Take care and hope you have a good week hugs, Brian. 

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