Hi devoteddaughter,

Thanks for taking time to post me, you are right in saying that we have to remember that when we are on our knees respite will come again.  It's just hard to believe it when you get to that low point sometimes.  I am feeling a little better tonight and I know a lot of that is from the support I've received on here.  It is so good we are all able to help each other.  Your idea of writing things down is also good, when I get in the "pain & panic" mode nothing seems clear, so maybe seeing it written down would help.  Thanks again and I do hope you're OK too.  Hope x

Hi again Beryl,

I am feeling a little better tonight having been out with friend today, plus the wonderful support of everybody on this forum.  Sometimes things just get muddled in our minds when we feel so much pain and it helps for others to give their opinion from a different perspective. I am wishing you happier less painful times too.  Hope x

Hi Kathryn,

Thanks so much for your support; it really does help make me see things a little differently.  I understand exactly how you feel about using your Dad's money, even though I am sure he would want you to.  It is how I feel too, my parents house needs so much updating and I just wished they had used their money to update it while they were alive and enjoy it.  Truth is they were happy the way things were, but it does feel so sad to spend their money.  You are right though, my parents would never have judged me in any way, their unconditional love is the thing I miss more than anything in the world.  I will try to be positive too, and I guess I just have to accept that there will be some days when that won't be possible.  Grief really is a bumpy ride, but hopefully one which we will all come out stronger from.  Take care and thanks again.  Hope x

Hi Hope,

I was so pleased to read you were feeling a bit better last night. The amount of people who have responded to your post just shows the high esteem so many people on this forum hold you in. For despite the fact you've been feeling so low, you still find time to offer help and support to others on here.

Take care and I hope things get easier for you. Best wishes, Brian

Hi Hope

Was pleased to see that you are feeling a little better and agree that chatting through things on the forum certainly seems to help us all as we take differing journeys.  I think the ups and downs just become managable when we are able to take comfort from others who can relate to what we are saying.  Your support to others on the forum is admirable and I for one would miss chatting with you on both the good days and bad ones.  Thank  you for the time you take and wish you a peaceful day (no doubt on half term at present!) - look after yourself.  Jules xx

Hi Brian & Jules,

Hope you don't mind a joint reply.  Thank you both so much for your continued support and kind words, it really makes such a difference

I wanted to tell you both about something strange that has happened to me today; I've been at my parents' house stripping wallpaper (a big job necessary following major electrical work), as you know I've been in a bit of a state thinking what to do/have I done wrong etc - Anyway I was just contemplating the idea of getting decorators in to line the walls etc (probably at a big cost), when suddenly in my head I heard my Dad (who was a great DIY man in his time) saying, "Don't waste your time and your money, just patch up the walls, paint them and just sell the house then secure yours and the boys futures."  I can't tell you how weird it was, I have never felt any presence before, maybe it was just me realising myself what to do, but I do feel a big relief.  I really hope you are both having a nice day and will speak to you again soon.  Hope xx

Hope

Whatever the reasoning behind the voice in your ear (and love to think it was a guiding light or two) the fact that you feel such reassurance to move forward within the house and how to achieve it  now is an enormous step for you and you know what, reading it made me both smile and well up in equal measure.  Answers comes in ways we can never fathom or expect but just as I am sure you would always take your Dad's advice(well maybe nearly always) it sure goes to prove that you are still listening and loving.  Strange as though it seems I have 'heard' more of my Dad's words since we hadto move him from Mum's 'garden planter'  to our house when she went into care and I find it comforting.  Thanks for sharing. Jules xx

Oh Hope,

I am not a religious person but I do believe a part of our parents live on inside of us. They have been instrumental in shaping our lives by the words of wisdom they have imparted to us as we were growing up. Lets turn what I have just said on its head for you could also say, we are a part of them. We inherit their genes and often have the same ways of doing things. If anything broke while I was growing up, my mother never used to throw it out, she would find a way to mend or repair it. She was always so practical and I have inherited this from her. Mrs B god bless her, can be a little heavy handed at times and using what my mother passed on to me, over the years I have mended/repaired many things that a lot of people would have thrown away.

So Hope, thank you so much for sharing this experience with us and I am so pleased you feel more at peace because of it.

Do take care, best wishes, Brian

Dear Jules, Brian & Beryl,

Thank you all so much for your posts, I'm not a religious person but I really do hope that somehow it was my Dad trying to tell me what to do today.  Whether it was, or whether it was just me finally coming to my senses, I am now certain what to do.  I still have a long way to go to make the house ready for sale but I know now that it is the right thing to do.  I'm sure it will also be sad but I will still have my memories, nobody can take them away, and it will be somewhat of a relief to not have to keep going back there eventually.   Time does move on and I have to try to as well.  Today I am feelling more positive, who knows what tomorrow will bring on this mad journey of grief. As ever though your comments are comforting and invaluable so thanks for being there.  Hope x