Hi Beryl

It seems an age since I last posted on your thread and was sorry to read that you are having a hard time just know.  Christmas and New Year does bring so many memories flooding back and though I have not lost a life partner as yet, my Mum still finds this time of year particularly difficult (Dad died 6yrs ago now).  Whilst she was well (up until 2yrs ago) she kept going by re-visiting (on her own by choice) the holiday destinations (mainly Switzerland or Scotland at Christmas) that she spent many years doing with my Dad.  She amazed me with her determination but then told me that she had promised my Dad that she would carry on the best she could as she would have expected him to do the same.  She crys more easily now and having lost the ability to look after herself just spends the time wishing she could join my Dad in his peace.  Its heartbreaking to see her this way but fully understandable as they were so much a couple.

Hope you can find away to bring some peace into your life Beryl.  David is I am sure watching over you and you carry him in your heart always.  Take care  Jules xx

Hi Beryl and Joan,

I have been searching out picture qoute and came across this one and thought of you both. I hope you like it

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Take care both of you, sending best wishes, Brian

Hi Jules

How lovely to hear from you how wonderful and brave for your mum to revisit the places that you dad and she visited, Christmas and New year was very difficult but I kept a stiff upper lip determined that my granddaughters were going to have a lovely Christmas.  David is still in my heart and soul and I miss him so much and I am sure he is watching me.  He probably is very cross with me for feeling the way I do at present, hopefully one day I will feel peace in my life.

I do hope hubby is feeling better Jules and you are coping, I don't know whilst David  was so poorly I found the strength from somewhere to keep going, wish I had some of that strength right now.  I do hope the new baby is well as is the  rest of your family.  Can't stand this weather roll on the gardening

Take care lots of hugs

Beryl xxx

Hi Brian

Thank you so much for the lovely verse it brings me so much comfort to read such lovely words especially as I missing David so badly right now, I am sure when the gardening weather comes round again I will feel more at peace with myself as I can't wait to see David's fuscia garden come into bloom.

Hope you and Mrs B are both well

Take cate

Love and hugs

Beryl  xxxx

Hi Joan

I do hope you are well like me you are probably thinking of your lovely Husband and I do hope you find a little bit of happiness as the days go by this grieving process seems to take forever I just wish it would go away sometimes.  I am just getting over that horrible cough and cold virus and lo and behold yesterday I had that horrible stomach bug can't eat at present tummy too upset.

Keep in touch my love

Take care

Lots of love and hugs

Beryl xxx

Hi Beryl

Yes,often wonder where the 'coping' strength comes from but taking it day to day makes is somewhat easier.  Hubby much the same at present though probably not managing to eat so much as before. Has further check up at end of the month when they will review situation(currently on 3month check ups which is quite good).  If all is well we are away for a long weekend afterwards with friends which will probably be our hols for this year.

Our new grandson is doing very well(can you believe it he is already three months old!!) and daughter is fully recovered.  She and her husband are trying to lose some pounds and are increasing their exercise and eating more healthily too.  Eldest grandson is still enjoying school and full of beans. They popped in earlier this afternoon and we have done a couple of jigsaws with him. With the festivities of last year out of the way  both my children have birthdays next month so am forward planning(budgeting) and am getting ideas from them as to what they may like.   As they say never a dull moment.

Take care of yourself Beryl and hope the tummy bug soon clears up.  Hugs Julesxx

Hi Jules

I am so glad you are finding the strength to cope so well it certainly comes from somewhere and I am very pleased to see that you have wonderful support from your family.  I do hope the next checkup for hubby goes well and whatever you do enjoy your long weekend and make sure it's a romantic one.  My lovely David used to love his long weekends and holidays and I am so glad that we did so many of these things together as I have such wonderful memories.

Whatever you do Jules enjoy these days that you have and live every moment .

Take care

Love and hugs

Beryl xxxx

Thanks Beryl for your response. Every day we live is a memory for tomorrow though often we do not realise it.  Mind you your comment about making it romantic made me smile as this would be out of character as I have never considered us to be romantic types, even though we have been together  since I was 18 and he was 21.  We are,I would say, best friends who fell in love - our first valentines day came with a musical red rose with a suggestion that I could get it out each year- now there's a memory!!!

Hope you are feeling a bit better today and that your tummy bug has cleared up. Take care and sending virtual hugs.  Jules  

Hello again Beryl

Isn't it amazing how close our lives seem to have been without us knowing each other. I hope you are having a few better days although I know from experience that the good days are few and far between. How do we ever move on? Some people say 'baby steps' and I do think I have done that but I feel as if I've moved as far on as I'm going to now. Do you feel that Beryl? Everyone is different I know, but I could never ever imagine myself with any one else apart from my lovely Doug. Anyway moving on is not just about finding another 'someone' but just trying to find a place in your life where you have a bit of happiness. I am in the best place I will ever be without my Doug and yes I do go out with my friends for lunch, drinks, shopping etc. But I would give it all up for one more day with Doug. And I know I am being selfish now! Doug also used to worry about leaving me on my own!! I used to say 'concentrate on you, not me' but that was never going to happen.

Beryl you can rant on as much as you want to, it takes what we've been through to make us angry at the unfairness of this illness. In the first few months after Doug died I could have trashed this house and still don't know how I didn't. I was so enraged and hurt and so wanted to tell Doug of my feelings, only he wasn't there...I still don't know how my wine glass/teacup/teapot didn't end up smashed against the wall - I was that close to exploding.

Well hopefully the spring is not too far away and I can update Doug's memorial garden as it's looking a bit unkempt at the minute. I also did a memorial photo album and a memory box, which is really special as it contains a lot of his personal belongings from his final weeks on this earth as well as all the cards I got after he died. Still can't believe he has gone though......

Many hugs and much love

Joan

xx

Dear Brian

Thank you so much for the lovely quote, things like this do seem to help.

Joan

xx

Hello My lovely Joan

Well I have had a better day today, I stayed at my daughters last night, came home, cleaned out the freezer, ironed, only half way through the iron blew so I had to go out and buy another one, then I went shopping came home to my two fussy cats Maggie and Poppet with a new brand of cat meat and they turned their noses up at it so now I don't know what to give them I just give up.  Then I spoke to my sister tonight and she is going away with her husband for a lovely romantic holiday next Monday and Joan I sat down and cried.  Don't get me wrong I don't begrudge my lovely sister her holiday, it is just what me and my lovely David used to do I am not jealous or anything like that it just hurt so much and I suddenly felt lonely and bereft.

Like you I go out for drinks etc but it is this living alone I find difficult but hey I am lucky I have a lovely bungalow, 2 very fussy, spoilt cats who I adore and I can put my heating up when I want to I just want my lovely David back that's all and I know you want your Doug back if only miracles could happen Joan.

Anyway I do hope you have a good day tomorrow I shall post you and find out

My love and hugs to you Joan

Take care

Beryl xxxxxx