Hi Ryry,

I hope you don't mind a 70 year old man replying but when I read your posting I just had to respond. Ryry, I lost my mother just over seven years ago, so I do know a little of what you are having to try and deal with. This feeling you have about being a better daughter and not doing enough is pretty universal. I think we all feel that to some degree. But the sad truth is Ryry, there is nothing much we can do to stop this evil disease taking our loved ones from us. I know I felt just like you describe and I am much older and also had a lot of support. To lose your mother at your age is so much worse for now is the time in your life when you need her help and guidance more than ever. You say friends don't know what to say. Please don't be too hard on them for until you have lost someone yourself you have no real idea of the pain it causes. You say you think about suicide, please don't think like that for your mother would be horrified. You have had so many changes in your life all at once so it's understandable you feel like you do. Life can be so cruel at times and throws massive challenges at us. People say time heals but when we lose someone we love dear, it takes a long time but gradually we do learn to adjust to a life with out our loved ones, but I wont tell you its easy. There are some wonderful caring people on here who if you let them will do all they can to help and support you as they have done to me over the past eighteen months.

I would suggest you talk to your doctor and ask about counselling as no one should have to face what you are on your own.

Please take care, best wishes to you and your brother. When you feel like it please came back and let us know hoe your getting on, Brian

Hi RYRY184, I just read your post and my heart aches for you. If I was close to you, I would hold you in my arms and give you the comfort you so desperately need. You say you lost your Mom 2 months ago. That loss is still so fresh that you can't possibly recover from that yet. You need to take more time to grieve for your Mom and you need help to do that. Added to all of the heartache for you is that you are in a foster home away from family, and likely friends too. You must have a social worker looking after things for you and your younger brother. Please talk to your social worker and tell her you need help and support for what you're going through. What about the foster family that you and your brother are living with? Can they help you get through this? Please reach out for the help you need. I know people should know that things are difficult for you and your brother right now and that help should be given to you without you having to ask for it, but sometimes people don't always think when they have other things on their mind. I used to be a foster Mom and I looked after many children at that time. Please give people a chance to help you.

You say you have thought about suicide; please reach out for help before you do anything to end your life. Dying by suicide never solves a problem for anyone and just causes more problems for everyone. What would your little brither do without you in his life? You also say you are a lesbian; that doesn't change the fact that you are still a very important person, regardless of your sexual orientation. I have a neice and a nephew who are gay and they are two very special people in my life. You have so much going on for a young person your age, losing your Mom, ending up in a foster home, discovering that you are lesbian, and on top of all that, your fear that you may have cancer. That is way too much for anyone to handle alone, much less a young person your age. Losing your Mom to cancer is not your fault; no way. No matter what you did or didn't do, you could not have changed that terrible thing from happening. Cancer robs many people of their lives every day and it isn't fair when children are left after a parent dies.

Please keep posting on this forum to let us know how you are doing. I will worry about you until I know you have received some help for what you are going through. People on here are very caring and supportive people and you can come on here anytime and just write what you are feeling.

Take care and hugs to you.

Lorraine   

Ryry ....  I am so very sad to read your post and see all the suffering you are going through - I cant really add anything to what Brian and Lorraine have said to you except that The Samaritans are on a phoneline 24/7 and you will always find a kind person to talk to there, even in the middle of the night. We are here for you too sweetheart. Please please try and talk to someone - maybe a teacher at school and tell them how you are feeling - and keep yourself safe for your little brother who is also suffering. Wish I could hug you and share your pain. Keep in touch  -  Max x

of course i dont mind thank you for replying it really means alot. and im sorry for your loss that you so much for your inspiring words and i have tried to get counseling but no one is helping.

thank you it really means alot that you took the time to reply. and i have told the social worker at school i think i need counseling but they arent doing anything. and my brother is my twin hes only 8 minutes younger than me haha and i dont like it at all in my foster home i feel like i cant really talk to them but i deal with it because my brother likes it here and i know thaat being gay doesnt make it worse i just would like to come out but i dont want to lose any friend and i have a really supportive girlfriend. shes the only one i can talk to im happy to have at least one person i will come on here and keep yall posted

thank you and  i may have to reach out to the samaritans 

It's really good that your girlfriend is so supportive and you can tell her how you are feeling. The McMillan nurses at your local hospital are also really lovely to talk to. Look after yourself, and your 8min younger brother ha ha ! X

Dear ryry184,  I wish I could give you a hug, I can feel how desperate you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.  Please know that you don't have to go through this alone, it is very important that you talk to somebody at school.  Most secondary schools have a good pastoral system in place who will help you once they realise the immense pain you are going through.  Please find a teacher or a teaching assistant/learning support assistant who you feel you can talk to and tell them how you are feeling.  Most schools will work closely with outside agencies such as social services etc so it would be a good start, also they can support you with your school work.  As Max said the Samaritains are always there at any time of the day or night when things seem too bad to cope with anymore.

The pain you are feeling will begin to heal but it will take a long time and you need support now.  I lost my Mum 2 months ago as well as my Dad recently and as an adult I have been in a complete state, I cannot imagine how bad you are feeling going through this at such a young age.  Your friends probably don't have the experience to know what to say to you or how to reach out to you.  This site is an amazing virtual support but you need professional hands-on support now, so please, please speak to somebody about how you are feeling and please come back here and let me know how you are doing. Hope x

Do not feel like your the only one. I also lost my beautiful mum to lung and liver cancer. I was 15 and she did not smoke or drink. I kno exactly how it feels because I've been through it. I'm 17 now and I'm still not over it. I don't have any advice on what you should do because I still don't know how to overcome it myself just want you to know you are not alone 

Hi, Ryry, as so many of us know, losing your mum is a devastating time.  When my mum died of cancer I just shut myself off from the world.  You need to give yourself time, that is the only thing that will help.  I know being in care isnt ideal but, until I was diagnosed with cancer, I too was a foster carer and I always tried my hardest to help and understand the young people in my care.  Please try talking to them, they also have the means to put you in touch with counsellers, so just ask them.

One last thing, Ryry, please try to deal with one problem at a time.  You are so very young to be battling with so many problems, give yourself time.