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im 15 and my mom just died from cancer

ryry184
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im 15 years old and my mom just died from lung cancer!! and i beat myself up everyday because of it i feel like i couldve been a better daughter or i couldve helped more so she wouldnt haave died so soon. i miss my mom everyday and i dont know how to deal with it and none of my friends know what to say so they go on with life and think im okay but im not. im dead inside and i cant go on living. i think of suicide like every single day i cant deal with the pain. my mom was such an amazing influence on my life. and not to add to the stress or anything but my aunts thought it would be a good idea to put me in a foster home that i am so unhappy with but my brother likes it so i dont say anything. i didnt have a father but my aunts couldve easily took me in. i also am having trouble with coming out to people im a lesbian and i have only told close friend but i want to telll everyone i know but i dont want to lose people i know and care about. so there is so much crap going on in my life and i cant move on from my mom death and shes been gone for 2 months now. but im sick and tired with life and i hate it. i am also having trouble in school cause i cant focus on anything and i have no motivation in my life anymore i dont care what happens anymore. i have found out that i also may have cancer, bone cancer. and i dont even care usually i would freak out but i dont even care that i have a tumor on my femur. i need help i know i do but no one is helping. 

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    Hi Ryry,

    I hope you don't mind a 70 year old man replying but when I read your posting I just had to respond. Ryry, I lost my mother just over seven years ago, so I do know a little of what you are having to try and deal with. This feeling you have about being a better daughter and not doing enough is pretty universal. I think we all feel that to some degree. But the sad truth is Ryry, there is nothing much we can do to stop this evil disease taking our loved ones from us. I know I felt just like you describe and I am much older and also had a lot of support. To lose your mother at your age is so much worse for now is the time in your life when you need her help and guidance more than ever. You say friends don't know what to say. Please don't be too hard on them for until you have lost someone yourself you have no real idea of the pain it causes. You say you think about suicide, please don't think like that for your mother would be horrified. You have had so many changes in your life all at once so it's understandable you feel like you do. Life can be so cruel at times and throws massive challenges at us. People say time heals but when we lose someone we love dear, it takes a long time but gradually we do learn to adjust to a life with out our loved ones, but I wont tell you its easy. There are some wonderful caring people on here who if you let them will do all they can to help and support you as they have done to me over the past eighteen months.

    I would suggest you talk to your doctor and ask about counselling as no one should have to face what you are on your own.

    Please take care, best wishes to you and your brother. When you feel like it please came back and let us know hoe your getting on, Brian

  • Offline in reply to woodworm

    of course i dont mind thank you for replying it really means alot. and im sorry for your loss that you so much for your inspiring words and i have tried to get counseling but no one is helping.

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