struggling to cope after my husbands death

Hi i am new here and this is the first time i have posted anything. My Husband John died on 12th of July after being diagnosed in May this year with oesophageal cancer. I just feel lost and dont seem to be able to move on. He has always been a well man and even when diagnosed they said he was stage 4 and inoperable because it had gone into his liver. He had no symptoms at all apart from a small annoying but not painful feeling in his stomach. He asked if he could take his family on holiday before starting chemo, the consultant said that nothing major would happen in the next couple of weeks. we went ahead and booked a huge family holiday in spain. 4 days after arriving i found him collapsed on the kitchen floor. we rushed him to hospital where they said he was suffering from severe pancreatitusand kept him in for 2 weeks. we flew him home and he stayed at home for a week but was still very sick. he was taken into hospital again on the sunday and after a scan on the wednesday we were told that he didnt have a healthy piece of liver left and were told that he would only surrive another few days. he passes away 4 days later. i just dont know what to do i am all on my own and cannot stop crying, the tears are streaming down my face just writing this. i need help.

Parents
  • Hi Hayley sorry for the loss of your husband, I lost my husband on the 5th July like your husband he was well up until 9th June when he collapsed he was treated for pneumonia for 3 days after his lungs kept filling with fluid and after having a ct scan came the bombshell he had stage 4 lung cancer, we were told he had 2 to 3 months but he deteriorated day by day and passed away less than 4 weeks later we should have celebrated our ruby anniversary on the 24th of July and had booked holiday in Spain I to am finding every day a struggle I have good children and grandchildren but still feel so lost and lonely when it will stop I don't know I'm just trying to cope as best I can that's all we can do the only words of comfort I can give is that we were lucky to have such wonderful husbands in our lives and hope one day we will only think of the happy memories godbless Hayley love Maria x

  • Hello, I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. Your loss is so very new so don't even try to cope, cry as much as you want, scream, yell, throw things, do anything to try and take the pain away. It has now been two years since my darling husband died. He was ill for 10 years but for the last three years of his life I had been his 24/7 carer. I still cry every single day. I watch our wedding DVD all the time, I had it taken from a Cine Reel. I look at photos of us when we were young and as we got older. I have put them all on computer and made a video and added our favourite music then put it on a USB. We were married 47 years and knew each other 50 years. We were young when we met, he was 18, I can still remember what I was wearing the night I met him and what he was wearing. He was my life and I was his. We were never apart, we only needed each other. We have married sons and grandchildren but they don't heal the pain. Instead of thinking it has now been two years since I last saw him and spoke to him, I now think it is two years nearer to seeing him again. I believe in the after-life I always have. All I want is for my life to be over as living everyday without him is not living at all. Some people cope, some people don't. All I can say is to take one long day at a time, keep busy, play your favourite music and get a project like I did, I made a journal from the day he died up until now. The weird thing is, I think more about our young life and the day we met than I do about the later years of our lives when we were getting old, I can still see the tall handsome young man I met in 1964 and knew from that day we would be together forever. It happens to so many women and the sad thing is that it happens when their husbands are not all that old. I have friends who lost their partners when they were in their 40's so I thank god we had 47 years together. My husband was 68 when he died and we lived a fantastic charmed life which I am so grateful for. My thoughts are with you and there is no use me saying it get's better because after two years I have not found that yet. Love to you. Sheila x
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  • Hello, I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. Your loss is so very new so don't even try to cope, cry as much as you want, scream, yell, throw things, do anything to try and take the pain away. It has now been two years since my darling husband died. He was ill for 10 years but for the last three years of his life I had been his 24/7 carer. I still cry every single day. I watch our wedding DVD all the time, I had it taken from a Cine Reel. I look at photos of us when we were young and as we got older. I have put them all on computer and made a video and added our favourite music then put it on a USB. We were married 47 years and knew each other 50 years. We were young when we met, he was 18, I can still remember what I was wearing the night I met him and what he was wearing. He was my life and I was his. We were never apart, we only needed each other. We have married sons and grandchildren but they don't heal the pain. Instead of thinking it has now been two years since I last saw him and spoke to him, I now think it is two years nearer to seeing him again. I believe in the after-life I always have. All I want is for my life to be over as living everyday without him is not living at all. Some people cope, some people don't. All I can say is to take one long day at a time, keep busy, play your favourite music and get a project like I did, I made a journal from the day he died up until now. The weird thing is, I think more about our young life and the day we met than I do about the later years of our lives when we were getting old, I can still see the tall handsome young man I met in 1964 and knew from that day we would be together forever. It happens to so many women and the sad thing is that it happens when their husbands are not all that old. I have friends who lost their partners when they were in their 40's so I thank god we had 47 years together. My husband was 68 when he died and we lived a fantastic charmed life which I am so grateful for. My thoughts are with you and there is no use me saying it get's better because after two years I have not found that yet. Love to you. Sheila x
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