struggling to cope after my husbands death

Hi i am new here and this is the first time i have posted anything. My Husband John died on 12th of July after being diagnosed in May this year with oesophageal cancer. I just feel lost and dont seem to be able to move on. He has always been a well man and even when diagnosed they said he was stage 4 and inoperable because it had gone into his liver. He had no symptoms at all apart from a small annoying but not painful feeling in his stomach. He asked if he could take his family on holiday before starting chemo, the consultant said that nothing major would happen in the next couple of weeks. we went ahead and booked a huge family holiday in spain. 4 days after arriving i found him collapsed on the kitchen floor. we rushed him to hospital where they said he was suffering from severe pancreatitusand kept him in for 2 weeks. we flew him home and he stayed at home for a week but was still very sick. he was taken into hospital again on the sunday and after a scan on the wednesday we were told that he didnt have a healthy piece of liver left and were told that he would only surrive another few days. he passes away 4 days later. i just dont know what to do i am all on my own and cannot stop crying, the tears are streaming down my face just writing this. i need help.

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  • Hi , I know just how you feel because my husband died on July 23rd of pancreas cancer  and I can't seem to except he has gone .I also cry a lot and keep seeing him everywhere I go .He was only 58 years old and we have been together 27  years .We have a son but he has his own life .I have no family but my husband had many relations and they have been fantastic towards me but it still does not take  this lonely empty feeling away. I get told life still goes on but I am finding it hard to imagine what my life will be like without him

  • Hi, I too know the feeling. My husband died August 29,2015 from pancreatic cancer 12 months after he was diagnosed and just shy of reaching the one year mark from having the whipple surgery. Every day is a struggle. We were together 18 years. He was 62. I work full time but but even that does not help much. I find myself crying on the way to work, on the way home and at work. Weekends and evenings seem to be the hardest. I have three grown children. My eldest son married this past August and I had to go without my husband because he was too ill. My only consolation is that we had eleven months and in those months we said everything to each other that there was to say. I was able to keep him home with the help of pallitive care so he was in the comfort of his home when he passed away. I think this was the best decision because right up to the day before he passed away he was still able to understand and get up out of bed when he needed to. I think if he was in the hospital he would have been under heavy pain medication and confined to bed. One thing I did realize going through this is that death itself is not to be feared. This experience was very peaceful. I don't know how to move on. Its been almost three months and the only positive thing is that I am able to remember my Husband as he was prior to the cancer and I can recall memories that we created together. I came to this site pretty much because we do not have alot of options in Canada. There are no support groups for pancreatic cancer and during my husbands illness we only ran into one other person in the hospital with it. That is not to say that there were not more, just none that we came across. Our surgeon was reall thorough and apparently performs many whipple operations a year. What is so frustrating about this cancer is there is no awareness. We were lucky that my husband's doctor did not waste any time when he went to her with symptoms. She immediately ordered tests and ct scan. Within a week we knew that it was pancreatic cancer. This cancer is one of the worst that I have seen and what it does to the body is tragic. My new job is to try to figure out how to live without my husband as he was my life in the best way possible.

     

  • Hi Hayley, I'm so sorry to read all your story and mine is a similar one. On 11th December 2015 John then aged 56 was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. They told him he was stage 3 being limited to his right lung and right lung lymph node, it was inoperable but it was curable. He was a fit and otherwise healthy man so just before Christmas they started the first of 4 cycles of chemotherapy followed in the New Year by 15 sessions of radiotherapy on his lung and then in April he had 10 sessions of brain radiotherapy as a precaution. As expected the chemo and radiotherapy made him very unwell with a couple of spells in hospital but in May 2016, we were given a very positive review 'an excellent partial response' that his cancer had very dramatically reduced to almost nothing and they were very hopeful that what was left that they could see would be scar tissue. Absolutely elated we took a one week restful holiday in Portugal at the end of May and were looking forward to the future. It wasn't long though before John began feeling unwell again though; pain in his abdomen, aching joints, numbness in his chin and very tired. We made several visits to our GP and were referred a couple of times to A&E however John was given blood tests and his obs were recorded but each time he was discharged and the symptoms put down to the after effects of the chemotherapy. O the 2nd July, John felt so ill that he decided he needed to go to hospital and he was admitted with suspected pancreatitis. They treated him, gave him scans and then on the 7th and 8th July we were given the terrible news that his lung cancer had spread to his pancreas and liver and that he had months to live. He told them to discharge him and he came home on Friday 8th July. We had the Saturday, Sunday and Monday together, 3 lovely days but on Tuesday 12th July he had a funny turn, we called out the paramedics, but John refused to go back into hospital. Wednesday morning our GP came round and he finally agreed to be admitted. His remaining time was then reduced to weeks and quickly to days and on Sunday 17th July my darling husband passed away aged just 57 I am absolutely lost, I too can't accept he is gone, I can't face life in the future and just go into a blind panic at the thought of life alone without John. I can not get my head around it at all. 2 weeks prior to John's death, I lost my dad as well and so I am grieving for both of them.
  • Hello GeeBaby,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I am so sorry to hear John passed away shortly after you lost your dad. Our sincere condolences from the Cancer Chat team.  It must be a very difficult time for you at the moment. You will meet many on this forum who have also lost their partner or a parent recently. Sometimes, it can help to talk to someone who can really understand how you are feeling at the moment. 

    I would suggest you also start your own thread in our Coping with Loss topic area so that more of our members can see your message straight away. You can find out more about how to start your own discussion here.

    Warmest wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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  • Hello GeeBaby,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I am so sorry to hear John passed away shortly after you lost your dad. Our sincere condolences from the Cancer Chat team.  It must be a very difficult time for you at the moment. You will meet many on this forum who have also lost their partner or a parent recently. Sometimes, it can help to talk to someone who can really understand how you are feeling at the moment. 

    I would suggest you also start your own thread in our Coping with Loss topic area so that more of our members can see your message straight away. You can find out more about how to start your own discussion here.

    Warmest wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

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