This is my first Christmas without my husband. Not only that but it would have been our Golden Wedding Anniversary tomorrow too. I’ve put up the Christmas tree but keep imagining him there beside it. Always a favourite spot for Christmas photos. There are so many wonderful memories but at this moment it’s so difficult to concentrate on them and not be consumed with grief.

I’m going away for a few days over Christmas with my daughter and her partner because neither of us wanted or could contemplate a “normal” time without him. I feel like screaming. It’s so hard.

I expect it’ll be easier next year.