I need help - struggling to cope after losing my mum. How do you get past those very upsetting and haunting moments?

I have recently lost my mum through cancer. I was diagnosed with grade 3 borderline 4 breast cancer and then a year later my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, no primary known. She was my life, my world and my best friend. I cared for her at home in her last months and we were promised they would be able to keep her pain under control and she would be comfortable. This wasn’t the case.

before things got too bad, In her time alone she tried to kill herself as she felt things were going downhill for her and she didn’t want us seeing her like that and caring for her and she didn’t want it for herself. This failed and only made things worse. 

My mum died at home with us all around her but it was far from a peaceful death. It was horrendous and no matter what I do I can’t get it out of my head. I try to think of the good times but her last moments haunt me how do you ever get past something like that with someone you love so much. My life has stopped. I can’t function. And on top of it I try and be there for my dad who has lost his wife of 51yrs. 

i just don’t know how long I can keep going. You keep fighting after your own cancer and are weak and then loose your mum and your everything and every last bit of fight is drained out of you. 

Parents
  • Hello Jeffries82.  I have not been on cancer chat for a while, but I read your post a while ago and I felt compelled to reach out to you.  I nursed my Mum when she was dying of cancer and it is horrendous, as you know.  It was almost 30 years ago, but it seems like it was yesterday.  You have a huge load on your shoulders right now.........you are struggling with your own grief and you are also trying to be strong for your grieving Father, and to add to all that, you have cancer yourself.  Have you considered some type of counselling?  Your GP could help you with that.  I think that more than anything else, you desperately need someone to talk to.  In time, those haunting memories of your Mother's last days and moments will fade in to the background.  I am not saying that you will forget it (you won't), but you will be able to cope with it.  I guess what I am saying is that you will become stronger, even though it might not feel that way right now.  The human spirit has an incredible instinct for survival, and you will find a strength that you never knew you had.  Take one step and one day at a time Jeffries.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  

Reply
  • Hello Jeffries82.  I have not been on cancer chat for a while, but I read your post a while ago and I felt compelled to reach out to you.  I nursed my Mum when she was dying of cancer and it is horrendous, as you know.  It was almost 30 years ago, but it seems like it was yesterday.  You have a huge load on your shoulders right now.........you are struggling with your own grief and you are also trying to be strong for your grieving Father, and to add to all that, you have cancer yourself.  Have you considered some type of counselling?  Your GP could help you with that.  I think that more than anything else, you desperately need someone to talk to.  In time, those haunting memories of your Mother's last days and moments will fade in to the background.  I am not saying that you will forget it (you won't), but you will be able to cope with it.  I guess what I am saying is that you will become stronger, even though it might not feel that way right now.  The human spirit has an incredible instinct for survival, and you will find a strength that you never knew you had.  Take one step and one day at a time Jeffries.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  

Children
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